<2021-03-23T15:28:49.000Z> acacia227: i got banned from varis hangout after 1 day
<2021-03-24T22:50:44.000Z> seraphinaneko: Damn
<2021-03-25T09:23:22.000Z> acacia227: yeah it sucks, but it's okay because i still have this account and 4 others
<2021-03-25T11:20:27.000Z> acacia227: but nobody likes me anyway, so what's the point in even being here?
<2021-03-25T12:19:02.000Z> seraphinaneko: Do you have friends on Minds?
<2021-03-25T12:20:06.000Z> acacia227: nope none, except you
<2021-03-25T15:34:47.000Z> acacia227: i'm going to delete my account here because i'm being harassed by christians
<2021-03-26T14:55:35.000Z> acacia227: i played video games for 5 hours straight today, im proud of myself
<2021-03-26T21:09:31.000Z> seraphinaneko: I'm sorry to hear that
<2021-03-27T09:28:46.000Z> acacia227: aww it's okay, i'm used to being bullied and abused, it's happened my entire life. it still hurts me though
<2021-03-27T09:34:31.000Z> acacia227: i've been playing a lot of zelda botw lately
<2021-03-27T15:59:58.000Z> seraphinaneko: I know you don't want to change who you are to be accepted by others, but maybe you can try improving your social skills to be more than you are now. 
<2021-03-27T16:01:00.000Z> seraphinaneko: You don't need to be someone else, but improve yourself in how you interact with others to kinda level up your skills.
<2021-03-27T16:01:48.000Z> seraphinaneko: I know how dark a mind can go from being alone. 
<2021-03-27T16:02:53.000Z> seraphinaneko: I am trying to be more social, and because I have some pretty freaky fantasies that I need to keep to myself for most people.
<2021-03-27T16:05:24.000Z> seraphinaneko: I tried to see things how others might see them and it helped me be able to talk to people with a more understanding attitude. If I want people to be accepting my views, I need to know how to be gentle in expressing them
<2021-03-27T16:06:15.000Z> seraphinaneko: If I put them out there very bluntly people get defensive because it may contradict their beliefs 
<2021-03-27T16:06:55.000Z> seraphinaneko: Different beliefs that oppose each other can feel threating to other's beliefs 
<2021-03-27T16:08:25.000Z> seraphinaneko: If I express myself in a more understanding and accept of other's beliefs, people are more accepting of mine because I am not trying to change theirs.
<2021-03-27T16:09:39.000Z> seraphinaneko: If I want others to consider the legitimacy of mine, I need to consider the legitimacy of theirs too because it is unfair otherwise. 
<2021-03-28T14:36:11.000Z> acacia227: well, my mind is very dark, and i am very lonely, and i also have very freaky fantasies
<2021-03-28T14:36:44.000Z> acacia227: so what i do most of the time i just pretend to agree with people. it makes things easier than wasting my energy trying to convince someone that i'm right and they're wrong
<2021-03-28T14:57:24.000Z> seraphinaneko: I think that you don't need to agree with people if you don't but honestly consider their view. If they know that you actually listened, they will be more likely to do the same for you. 
<2021-03-28T14:57:39.000Z> seraphinaneko: It doesn't mean they will, but it is more likely 
<2021-03-28T14:59:18.000Z> acacia227: well, i am good at listening to people. and i'm good at keeping secrets too. i have never told anybody's secret to anyone else in my entire life
<2021-03-28T14:59:31.000Z> acacia227: i can just nod along with people
<2021-03-28T15:32:57.000Z> seraphinaneko: That's good. I think you just need to get to know people and hold back on your less socially accepted views and desires until you get a good feeling that the person you're talking to will be accepting of stuff like that.
<2021-03-28T15:34:44.000Z> acacia227: that's a good idea. i keep most of my opinions on things a secret on most other websites. i only have a few accounts where i actually talk about politics and stuff. like i have a giantess fetish account on another website where i never talk about politics or opinions on anything at all
<2021-03-28T15:35:57.000Z> acacia227: most of the time i only tell my true views to friends like you. but it's hard because i have some people i can only talk about some topics with, and others i can only talk about other topics with. i don't really have anyone i can talk about everything with 
<2021-03-28T15:44:40.000Z> acacia227: also the problem is u am just thin skinned. i can't take criticism at all, i have a really short temper, i get angry really easily at the slightest thing. it makes it hard to keep my cool when i'm talking to someone with different views to me.
<2021-03-28T18:18:58.000Z> seraphinaneko: That's what I mean by self improvement. You can learn to not let things bother you. You have to push yourself to learn to improve yourself to grow as a person. 
<2021-03-28T18:26:24.000Z> acacia227: alright, i will try. i want to become more thick skinned anyway.
<2021-03-28T18:42:42.000Z> seraphinaneko: I had to learn to handle criticism or kill myself. I think I made the right choice 
<2021-03-28T18:43:46.000Z> acacia227: i think you did too. i'm glad you didn't kill yourself ^_^
<2021-03-28T18:45:36.000Z> seraphinaneko: There was a time when I honestly considered it. It can feel so tempting when people constantly tell me how worthless I am, but the value of my life is determined by me, and I decided I would find a way to make it worth something 
<2021-03-28T18:47:42.000Z> acacia227: i know how that feels. i tried to kill myself a couple of times last year and i cut my wrists sometimes. i can't help it because it feels good to let the blood run out. it's kind of like you're expelling the pain from your body through the blood. i get told every day online that i'm scum and a loser, and i look at my life, and it's hard not to believe them. i have a problem where i need other people to validate me.
<2021-03-28T20:51:38.000Z> seraphinaneko: All of need to feel validated to some degree. I do too. I just started working on finding a way to earn that validation. 
<2021-03-28T20:52:39.000Z> seraphinaneko: First I worked on how to talk to people so they feel I'm a friendly person and not just a depressed girl in her room who's trying to find reasons not to kill myself 
<2021-03-28T20:53:28.000Z> seraphinaneko: Once I got okay at being friendly with people, I started thinking about what interests me and what I can do with it.
<2021-03-28T20:53:54.000Z> seraphinaneko: I like stories and daydreaming, so I started writing. 
<2021-03-28T20:54:28.000Z> seraphinaneko: I also like art and sexy and cute stuff so I started sharing that. 
<2021-03-28T20:55:02.000Z> seraphinaneko: But I also try to leave lots of positive comments so others feel validated by me
<2021-03-28T23:31:10.000Z> acacia227: that's a good idea. but i need to work out a way to stop people from figuring out how much of a depressed loser i am. i like sexy and cute stuff too which is why i repost loli pics. and i leave positive comments on them sometimes too
<2021-03-28T23:31:47.000Z> acacia227: the only things that really interest me are politics, porn and video games, really.
<2021-03-29T17:25:46.000Z> acacia227: oh, and anime. but i have a short attention span so it's hard for me to watch a whole show in one sitting. i also read manga online.
<2021-03-29T17:53:16.000Z> acacia227: also, this is kind of a random question, but what sorts of keychains do you have or use on your keys?
<2021-03-30T01:39:40.000Z> seraphinaneko: I have a little dream catcher 
<2021-03-30T14:22:53.000Z> acacia227: that sounds cute :3 the reason i asked is because i kind of have a transformation fetish, and i like the idea of being turned into a girl's keychain
<2021-03-30T21:14:22.000Z> seraphinaneko: You have some really unusual fetishes 
<2021-03-31T16:06:53.000Z> acacia227: it's not really that unusual, i know a lot of girls with transformation fetishes. it's actually more common among girls than boys
<2021-04-04T03:20:28.000Z> acacia227: thank you for being so nice to me. it really means a lot to me and helps me a lot
<2021-04-04T17:19:11.000Z> seraphinaneko: You're very welcome
<2021-04-05T00:05:23.000Z> acacia227: :3
<2021-04-05T00:06:02.000Z> acacia227: i have major anger problems. everything makes me angry cos everything constantly goes wrong for me
<2021-04-05T00:38:33.000Z> acacia227: well i mean, technically thats not always true. like when im alone in my bedroom playing video games, it can make me happy, but only if i'm winning. if i'm having a bad day and fucking up in the game all the time, then it doesn't make me happy. lol
<2021-04-05T00:38:42.000Z> acacia227: i hope you had a good easter too
<2021-04-05T02:25:28.000Z> seraphinaneko: Hmm, I think you take losing too seriously. I think losing is better than winning in a lot of ways because I don't learn from winning. I only really learn from losing, and it motivates me to learn how to not lose. 
<2021-04-05T02:25:33.000Z> seraphinaneko: It was okay
<2021-04-05T22:04:51.000Z> acacia227: i guess that's true. it would probably get boring to play a game if you won all the time. i do take it seriously, but it's only because my life is so sad and pathetic that video games are all i have. but if i can use losing to motivate me, it might help. thanks.
<2021-04-05T22:05:04.000Z> acacia227: and i'm glad it was okay ^^
<2021-04-09T00:31:27.000Z> seraphinaneko: I am really happy that you are finding the positives! =^.^=
<2021-04-09T01:06:35.000Z> acacia227: well i was, but now i'm blackpilled and depressed again but i just got rejected by 3 different girls who i asked to be my girlfend
<2021-04-09T03:28:20.000Z> seraphinaneko: Things like that take time. You can't just ask a girl to be your girlfriend. You need to have a friendly attitude toward each other then a romantic interest then date to see how well you get along romantically then have an exclusive relationship. 
<2021-04-09T04:33:07.000Z> acacia227: i thought you were supposed to date after becoming girlfriend and boyfriend? are you supposed to do that first?
<2021-04-09T04:34:38.000Z> seraphinaneko: I don't know if it's different in Australia but here you date first to see how well you get along in a romantic way then if you like each other after dating for a while you have a relationship 
<2021-04-09T12:13:47.000Z> acacia227: well i've never had a girlfriend, so i don't actually know lol
<2021-04-09T12:57:42.000Z> seraphinaneko: Hopefully knowing now helps
<2021-04-09T13:00:43.000Z> acacia227: i've been doing it wrong for my entire life, holy shit. i feel like i've missed so many oppurtunities because i didn't know that you were supposed to date first
<2021-04-09T13:00:46.000Z> acacia227: thanks for telling me
<2021-04-09T13:05:46.000Z> seraphinaneko: You're welcome =^.^=
<2021-04-09T13:33:55.000Z> acacia227: but see, because i'm so far away from everybody, i can't really ask people to go on a date with me. i don't know how online dates are supposed to work
<2021-04-10T02:13:02.000Z> acacia227: and i have trouble expressing my emotions. a lot of the time i say nothing because i'm scared of saying the wrong thing
<2021-04-10T14:12:57.000Z> seraphinaneko: Well, for talking to people online just be friendly, give compliments, and make jokes to keep things fun. As you get along you figure out what it would take to meet in person, but don't put too much expectation on that. It will scare her off. 
<2021-04-10T14:14:58.000Z> seraphinaneko: Talk to lots of girls and keep it casual until you meet someone you really like talking to and likes talking to you. Make sure to talk to that girl a little each day. Even if just short messages to let her know you're thinking about her, but nothing too serious. 
<2021-04-10T14:15:10.000Z> seraphinaneko: Just build gradually 
<2021-04-12T10:50:52.000Z> acacia227: okay, that sounds interesting. but what do i say when there's a day when i have nothing to talk about? because that happens a lot. do i just say "hello" or something? because a lot of the time people don't respond if you just say hello. i do try to make jokes though
<2021-04-12T10:52:35.000Z> acacia227: the thing is, sex is really important to be, so when i'm talking to someone, i try to find out if they would satisfy me sexually. and if i don't think they could, i don't waste my time with them. because i don't want to have a situation where i talk to someone for years and then they say they hate something that i'm into and find it weird and disgusting, which has happened to me
<2021-04-12T12:42:35.000Z> acacia227: liike one time i talked to a girl for 2 years only to find out she thought my kinks were really weird. so i try to find that out early on
<2021-04-13T01:18:28.000Z> seraphinaneko: If you don't have much to say ask them about what's going on in their life. 
<2021-04-13T01:18:48.000Z> seraphinaneko: Try to get them to open up with you. 
<2021-04-13T01:20:11.000Z> seraphinaneko: You can't get into sex too early and you need to ease into that subject 
<2021-04-13T01:34:40.000Z> acacia227: okay, i will try that! thank you! ^^
<2021-04-13T01:49:42.000Z> seraphinaneko: You're welcome 
<2021-04-13T01:57:56.000Z> acacia227: lol there are riots in america again over a black person shot by police
<2021-04-13T01:58:04.000Z> acacia227: minneapolis is gonna fucking burn to the ground lol
<2021-04-13T03:23:54.000Z> acacia227: i've been getting bullied a lot on this site, and it's really affecting me
<2021-04-13T03:24:32.000Z> acacia227: i've become afraid to disagree with anybody. because any time i do, i will get dogpiled by a dozen people attacking me
<2021-04-13T23:32:21.000Z> seraphinaneko: Maybe it is your approach. You could try to be more diplomatic in how you disagree
<2021-04-15T09:34:56.000Z> acacia227: hmm. i'll try. i have a big problem that i can't take criticism or disagreeing. i'm very thin skinned. mayve i have some sort of mental illness?
<2021-04-15T09:35:21.000Z> acacia227: i hope you're doing okay though. have you started going back to school yet or are you still in lockdowns?
<2021-04-16T04:26:29.000Z> seraphinaneko: Yeah I've been back in school for a little while. I kinda preferred doing class from my room. 
<2021-04-17T13:10:54.000Z> acacia227: that sucks, i wish i could have been home schooled instead of going to school. i didn't end up with any friends in school anyway so i wouldn't have missed out on much
<2021-04-17T13:11:03.000Z> acacia227: but you can't be bullied if you're home schooled which is the advantage
<2021-04-21T09:13:51.000Z> acacia227: i'm looking to buy a PS4 but they're still so expensive if you want a new one
<2021-04-23T21:43:14.000Z> seraphinaneko: I'm surprised those are still expensive 
<2021-04-24T10:59:32.000Z> acacia227: me too. it seems the prices don't go down anymore like they used to.
<2021-04-24T11:00:05.000Z> acacia227: but fuck it, i'm never gonna really buy one. to be honest i hate video games. i just pretend to like them to try and fit in
<2021-04-28T16:17:37.000Z> seraphinaneko: Hmm, sounds like you should try new things to see if you can find something you really love.
<2021-04-28T16:19:26.000Z> acacia227: well, i love being here on poast. i think this is the best site i've ever been on. laughing at memes is cathartic
<2021-04-28T16:19:43.000Z> acacia227: also, i was gonna say "where have you been" but it's only been 5 days? wow. it feels like 5 weeks to me
<2021-04-28T16:19:54.000Z> acacia227: i guess being a NEET and sleeping all day makes you lose track of time
<2021-04-28T16:23:01.000Z> seraphinaneko: I've been working weekends and school during the day, so I've been pretty busy. 
<2021-04-28T16:24:28.000Z> acacia227: that's understandable. did you get a new job or something?
<2021-04-28T18:26:43.000Z> seraphinaneko: Yes my first job! I'm working at a restaurant. 
<2021-04-28T18:27:11.000Z> acacia227: that's awesome, congratulations, i'm happy for you :)
<2021-04-28T18:27:37.000Z> acacia227: and see, didn't i tell you to apply at a restaurant? i'm glad it worked out for you
<2021-04-29T00:28:19.000Z> seraphinaneko: Thanks! I feel a lot better that I'm working and saving, but taxes suck, and everything keeps getting more expensive, but I am still happy 
<2021-04-29T12:41:59.000Z> acacia227: i'm glad to hear it mate. personally i like being a NEET but it would be better to be a NEET alone. i have enough money to buy some land but i'm also kinda scared to take that big leap into the unknown
<2021-05-11T07:54:35.000Z> acacia227: i will be deleting my account soon. add me on guilded.gg at #acacia227 if you want to keep talking to me
<2021-05-11T08:26:13.000Z> acacia227: i'm just gonna go back to minds.com/acacia227, not delete, actually