<2021-06-18T22:54:17.000Z> nugger: are u running out of money or need a place to stay my man
<2021-06-18T22:54:38.000Z> nugger: i can spare a couple hundred without breaking my paycheck to paycheck boogie
<2021-06-18T22:55:09.000Z> nugger: and i can talk to my priest and church grandmas and maybe network you a home 
<2021-07-12T01:02:44.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: Hey Nugger - I never saw these messages and I have no idea what they were in reference to. I use Husky for android primarily, and I've heard it can be a little flaky with these things
<2021-07-12T01:03:32.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: It is extremely kind of you to offer that though. I do genuinely appreciate it. I'm doing okay man. How are you holding up these days? I saw you weren't doing so hot today
<2021-07-12T01:41:23.000Z> nugger: caught a cold or something 
<2021-07-12T01:42:00.000Z> nugger: Im gonna nettypot my nose and slam some nyquil and well see
<2021-07-12T02:42:44.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: I admire your courage. I could never do the nettypot thing - I'd choke on it every time
<2021-07-12T02:42:46.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc attached file https://kiwifarms.cc/media/f904cf7197a2ec654925d8a7e958af7045222ee2a9a6f89574307e3d3f911c11.png
<2021-09-04T02:01:17.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: Hey Nugger are you around?
<2021-09-04T02:01:27.000Z> nugger: o ye
<2021-09-04T02:01:45.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: Hey man! How you doin?
<2021-09-04T02:02:09.000Z> nugger: shouldnt complain but i do
<2021-09-04T02:02:42.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: Funny my granddad used to say the same thing
<2021-09-04T02:02:46.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: What's troubling you?
<2021-09-04T02:03:22.000Z> nugger: works gay and the paycheck didnt clear today
<2021-09-04T02:03:29.000Z> nugger: so no gas for the car 
<2021-09-04T02:03:34.000Z> nugger: which stressed me out
<2021-09-04T02:06:48.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: That...freakin sucks dude
<2021-09-04T02:07:01.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: What's the plan then, do you think?
<2021-09-04T02:07:02.000Z> nugger: nah its aight
<2021-09-04T02:07:05.000Z> nugger: been worse
<2021-09-04T02:07:16.000Z> nugger: check will clear today-tomorrow
<2021-09-04T02:07:21.000Z> nugger: i got 12 bucks cash
<2021-09-04T02:07:29.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: That is an admirable attitude
<2021-09-04T02:07:36.000Z> nugger: that will carry me around for a day 
<2021-09-04T02:07:36.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: Oh man that last message sent me back
<2021-09-04T02:07:40.000Z> nugger: then were good
<2021-09-04T02:07:55.000Z> nugger: a thousand bucks will come in and im sittin pretty
<2021-09-04T02:09:09.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: That's good that's good
<2021-09-04T02:15:49.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: Sorry I'm not so good of a conversational partner - I just really wanted to talk to someone. I don't have many people I can talk to right now
<2021-09-04T02:16:20.000Z> nugger: oh nah nah youre alright brother
<2021-09-04T02:16:24.000Z> nugger: how ya doin
<2021-09-04T02:16:33.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: Not so great
<2021-09-04T02:16:44.000Z> nugger: Money problems?
<2021-09-04T02:16:44.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: Havin a bit of a time right
<2021-09-04T02:16:47.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: Right now
<2021-09-04T02:16:50.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: Nah nah
<2021-09-04T02:16:52.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: I uh...
<2021-09-04T02:17:07.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: I kinda just left the church I was a part of for the last 2 years
<2021-09-04T02:17:16.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: First religious group I joined since I was a kid
<2021-09-04T02:17:30.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: I mean you know it was a pagan thing so take it for what you will
<2021-09-04T02:17:40.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: but man it stings right now
<2021-09-04T02:17:49.000Z> nugger: drama?
<2021-09-04T02:18:02.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: A lot of things slowly building up
<2021-09-04T02:18:23.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: The thing that finally set me off was the stupidest little thing
<2021-09-04T02:19:05.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: Some kid right out of high school said he started wearing medieval leather bracers to his college classes
<2021-09-04T02:19:21.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: Something about the way he said it was just so...larpy
<2021-09-04T02:19:33.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: And they're not all like that, but that was the final thing for me
<2021-09-04T02:20:10.000Z> nugger: well
<2021-09-04T02:20:28.000Z> nugger: the larp thing is a relative thing
<2021-09-04T02:20:52.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: How do you mean?
<2021-09-04T02:20:59.000Z> nugger: the constant deconstruction irony and self reflection that is forced on us by the modern cultural mores
<2021-09-04T02:21:12.000Z> nugger: torpedoes our ability to deal with things earnestly
<2021-09-04T02:21:25.000Z> nugger: earnest things seem kitsch or ironic or larpy
<2021-09-04T02:21:54.000Z> nugger: attempts at doing things earnestly make one feel like they should bring out irony as a shield
<2021-09-04T02:22:31.000Z> nugger: so its difficult to get a level, bare truth communion with someone
<2021-09-04T02:22:51.000Z> nugger: especially about things that deviate from mainstream culture
<2021-09-04T02:23:06.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: That's true, and I agree with what you say. It is a detriment to not be able to look at things earnestly, and I try hard to give people that benefit-of-the-doubt
<2021-09-04T02:23:57.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: But in this case, it was coming from a guy who named himself "Fed Kaczynski" in a private church telegram channel, and said he was doing it explicitly to "own the libs"
<2021-09-04T02:24:08.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: It was...bad
<2021-09-04T02:24:35.000Z> nugger: dissent from the mainstream always lacks social proof from the mainstream's mechanisms of cultural power that provide that social proof 
<2021-09-04T02:24:40.000Z> nugger: so people who try to stray
<2021-09-04T02:24:45.000Z> nugger: in any way they do
<2021-09-04T02:24:50.000Z> nugger: end up looking goofy
<2021-09-04T02:24:55.000Z> nugger: or acting goofy 
<2021-09-04T02:25:27.000Z> nugger: the value of social interaction isnt in your buds or members of your group being shining exemplars of it
<2021-09-04T02:25:41.000Z> nugger: the value is in intercommunion
<2021-09-04T02:26:06.000Z> nugger: i have a friend whose brains have been burnt out with psychedelics since high school
<2021-09-04T02:26:13.000Z> nugger: literally saw the dude go
<2021-09-04T02:26:30.000Z> nugger: every once in a while he comes around in the middle of the night
<2021-09-04T02:26:46.000Z> nugger: smokes out the apartment with his fuckin newports and talks about schizo shit
<2021-09-04T02:26:52.000Z> nugger: there is no smalltalk
<2021-09-04T02:26:58.000Z> nugger: its all direct and instrumental
<2021-09-04T02:27:16.000Z> nugger: this fucker comes to vent and to lay out his theories on me
<2021-09-04T02:27:28.000Z> nugger: im an instrument to it, not a person
<2021-09-04T02:27:50.000Z> nugger: where personhood is discovered is in the small inconsequential indirect conversation
<2021-09-04T02:28:07.000Z> nugger: like the bullshit about the weather and where youre from and hows the wife and kids
<2021-09-04T02:28:12.000Z> nugger: its bullshit right
<2021-09-04T02:28:33.000Z> nugger: but the type of bullshit and the way the other person goes about it gives you insight into how their mind works
<2021-09-04T02:28:41.000Z> nugger: what makes them tick what kinda guy they are
<2021-09-04T02:28:58.000Z> nugger: and that allows you to internalize a part of another person into yourself
<2021-09-04T02:29:01.000Z> nugger: that is communion
<2021-09-04T02:29:12.000Z> nugger: dont worry about the leather bracers or some other weird larp
<2021-09-04T02:29:29.000Z> nugger: dont worry about the instrumental value of being a part of the group
<2021-09-04T02:29:42.000Z> nugger: just bee yourslef 
<2021-09-04T02:29:47.000Z> nugger: and make smalltalk
<2021-09-04T02:30:14.000Z> nugger: i hope there wasnt drama with you leaving
<2021-09-04T02:30:24.000Z> nugger: you didnt burn that bridge too hard didya
<2021-09-04T02:30:40.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: Well...bridge is burned
<2021-09-04T02:30:44.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: But to be honest with you
<2021-09-04T02:30:55.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: I haven't had a spiritual experience in months
<2021-09-04T02:31:24.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: My wife said that maybe the things I saw were just a way of God contacting me in a way he knew I'd be receptive to
<2021-09-04T02:31:38.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: That keeps bouncing around in my head
<2021-09-04T02:31:54.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: That's one of the other things that sort of led up to this
<2021-09-04T02:32:35.000Z> nugger: All of God's work in you 
<2021-09-04T02:32:36.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: Hey one thing that I also wanted to say
<2021-09-04T02:32:44.000Z> nugger: oh ye
<2021-09-04T02:33:05.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: Thank you for not trying to evangelize to me. A lot of other people do, but you don't and I appreciate that
<2021-09-04T02:33:25.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: (Also I have no idea about the meaning of that phrase "All of God's work in you")
<2021-09-04T02:33:41.000Z> nugger: oh yeah hold on
<2021-09-04T02:33:43.000Z> nugger: so 
<2021-09-04T02:33:55.000Z> nugger: as far as my retard ass understands it
<2021-09-04T02:34:26.000Z> nugger: all of God's work in you is directed at drawing either you or someone else but most often both -- closer to God
<2021-09-04T02:34:50.000Z> nugger: And it takes different shape depending on the situation and your level of spiritual development
<2021-09-04T02:35:07.000Z> nugger: at first there's the smells and bells and the heartstrings throb
<2021-09-04T02:35:11.000Z> nugger: but typically
<2021-09-04T02:35:21.000Z> nugger: and i heard this from many other converts
<2021-09-04T02:35:31.000Z> nugger: after a time God sort of 
<2021-09-04T02:35:34.000Z> nugger: idk recedes
<2021-09-04T02:36:04.000Z> nugger: He steps back as if to see if you can hold fast on your own without Him holding you up with constant good feelings
<2021-09-04T02:36:57.000Z> nugger: To see if you're spiritually mature enough to still tough it out and pray and go to church even if the prayer doesnt make you feel good and at church the smells you got tired of and the bells dont sound right
<2021-09-04T02:37:36.000Z> nugger: the choir is ass this sunday one of the altarboys knocked over a candlestand and it all overall feels much more mundane
<2021-09-04T02:37:50.000Z> nugger: if you tough it out you will see a more enduring faith
<2021-09-04T02:37:53.000Z> nugger: so keep at it
<2021-09-04T02:37:57.000Z> nugger: dont be discouraged
<2021-09-04T02:38:17.000Z> nugger: youve got a ton of people here online in roundabout the same situation as you
<2021-09-04T02:38:28.000Z> nugger: they've got advice and experience to share
<2021-09-04T02:38:34.000Z> nugger: moreso than me lmao
<2021-09-04T02:38:51.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: I would dispute one thing you said there
<2021-09-04T02:39:19.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: I don't think you are now, nor have you ever been retarded
<2021-09-04T02:39:24.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: I think you're a FRAUD
<2021-09-04T02:39:37.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: (in regards to being retarded)
<2021-09-04T02:40:19.000Z> nugger: if theres anything ive learned in the past five years its that im not as smart as i think i am
<2021-09-04T02:41:37.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: Joking aside, this is good advice. I won't jump to any more quick conclusions. I'll pray on it and see if I'm reached out to, or if I find some strength to move on without the contact
<2021-09-04T02:41:41.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: Also amen to that
<2021-09-04T02:42:10.000Z> nugger: ❤️ 
<2021-09-04T02:43:53.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: Seriously thank you. I've been very isolated for a while and being able to reach out to someone means a heck of a lot. You are a kind soul.
<2021-09-04T02:44:17.000Z> nugger: eyy no problem brother
<2021-09-04T02:44:19.000Z> nugger: anytime
<2021-09-04T02:44:24.000Z> nugger: anytime im off work
<2021-09-04T02:44:29.000Z> nugger: and awake
<2021-09-04T02:44:46.000Z> Binkle@kiwifarms.cc: ❤️