<2021-01-23T04:34:05.000Z> graf: hi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :3
<2021-01-24T01:59:03.000Z> Guts: Hi!!!!!!!!
<2021-01-24T04:45:16.000Z> graf: hi wyd
<2021-01-24T14:11:57.000Z> Guts: Mars is sxrolling poast
<2021-01-25T02:01:43.000Z> graf: proud of u friend
<2021-01-26T02:24:24.000Z> graf: HEY :) 
<2021-01-28T01:17:51.000Z> Guts: Currently pooping while on poast
<2021-01-28T01:38:55.000Z> graf: nnice
<2021-01-28T01:39:09.000Z> graf: are you one of those weird people that takes off their clothes to shit
<2021-01-28T04:09:42.000Z> Guts: No no but i do use flushable wipes instead of tp when i poop
<2021-02-13T09:14:18.000Z> graf: i bought you old twitter account
<2021-02-13T09:14:54.000Z> graf: login: adolfo2012xilo
<2021-02-13T09:15:17.000Z> graf: pass: gMWDxrQfuO8.
<2021-02-13T09:15:19.000Z> graf: WITH the period
<2021-02-13T09:15:42.000Z> graf: if twitter asks you for the email used to register adolfo2012xilo@hotmail.com
<2021-02-13T09:15:49.000Z> graf: love you guts see you on the bird app soon
<2021-02-13T09:15:51.000Z> graf: :)
<2021-02-18T23:03:59.000Z> Guts: I didnt even get a notification for this wtf!!!
<2021-02-18T23:04:25.000Z> graf: join bird app guts !!!!!
<2021-02-18T23:04:52.000Z> Guts: Dang thank u v much! I came here to bitch to u about some scammin nigga getting into my bank card 2 months ago and now the same nigga charging my work payroll card today!! and i see gud news .... thank u much friend......
<2021-02-18T23:05:16.000Z> Guts: I shall do this!1 how r u!!!!
<2021-02-18T23:06:13.000Z> Guts: Im stupid but whats the diff between buying an old account and just making a new one w a diff number??
<2021-02-18T23:06:48.000Z> graf: a lot harder to suspend just by reporting
<2021-02-18T23:06:58.000Z> graf: they actually have someone manually review reports for older accounts
<2021-02-28T10:02:11.000Z> Guts: Ur suspend :::(
<2021-02-28T10:24:45.000Z> graf: yeah
<2021-02-28T10:24:50.000Z> graf: me and thousands of other people 
<2021-02-28T10:25:05.000Z> graf: they purged like *everyone*
<2021-02-28T10:27:50.000Z> graf: :aidab: 
<2021-02-28T10:34:06.000Z> Guts: They aint gonna catch me this time
<2021-02-28T12:02:35.000Z> graf: proud of u
<2021-02-28T12:02:38.000Z> graf: hungry
<2021-03-01T02:39:05.000Z> graf: guts come back 
<2021-03-02T23:01:51.000Z> Guts: I have gas
<2021-03-02T23:02:15.000Z> Guts: My dms wouldnt work earlier i opened it 20 min ago but it wouldnt show my messages
<2021-03-02T23:29:39.000Z> graf: hi
<2021-03-02T23:29:41.000Z> graf: what u doing
<2021-03-02T23:29:42.000Z> graf: come over
<2021-03-02T23:29:44.000Z> graf: GUTS
<2021-03-02T23:53:35.000Z> Guts: I WAS COOKING DINNER SRY
<2021-03-02T23:53:43.000Z> graf: hey
<2021-03-02T23:53:44.000Z> graf: wyd
<2021-03-02T23:53:48.000Z> graf: do you like poast now?????????????????????????????
<2021-03-02T23:54:30.000Z> Guts: i made chicken n mushrooms cooked in broth with mashed potaties and gween beans ...
<2021-03-02T23:54:39.000Z> Guts: What u doing ..
<2021-03-02T23:54:40.000Z> Guts: i made chicken n mushrooms cooked in broth with mashed potaties and gween beans ...
<2021-03-02T23:54:44.000Z> Guts: O my messages sent late
<2021-03-02T23:54:54.000Z> Guts: Ive liked poast since i got on it !!!
<2021-03-02T23:58:55.000Z> graf: promise?????????
<2021-03-03T00:06:14.000Z> Guts: Yes fo sho !
<2021-03-03T00:09:29.000Z> graf: drinking a white claw
<2021-03-03T01:50:53.000Z> Guts: As always
<2021-03-03T01:52:16.000Z> graf: are you sure you want to be "lou cum"
<2021-03-03T01:52:25.000Z> graf: I will verify you but you cant change ur name when I do
<2021-03-03T01:53:12.000Z> Guts: Yes absolutely im lou coom
<2021-03-03T01:53:42.000Z> graf: are you sure
<2021-03-03T01:55:41.000Z> Guts: Yes
<2021-03-03T01:55:52.000Z> graf: ok done
<2021-03-03T01:56:03.000Z> Guts: It is the only funny username ive made n its not even tht funny
<2021-03-03T01:56:28.000Z> Guts: Excellent thank u ð³ð³ð³
<2021-03-03T01:59:54.000Z> graf: drinking beers
<2021-03-03T18:48:09.000Z> graf: hi
<2021-03-03T18:48:25.000Z> graf: :aifukkyu: 
<2021-03-04T02:24:30.000Z> Guts: Wtf im not getting the messages
<2021-03-04T02:24:53.000Z> Guts: My inbox looks like this so i dont even know u sent me anything lol
<2021-03-04T02:25:56.000Z> Guts attached file https://poa.st/media/00c5b9986ac9cfa0fc6db9cd52bb5494b30de9848ca6de084c89bc5b05ee4703.jpg
<2021-03-07T02:38:22.000Z> Guts: Inbox still looks this way
<2021-03-07T02:38:42.000Z> graf: im slowly working on things
<2021-03-07T02:38:43.000Z> graf: im sorry !!
<2021-03-07T02:39:36.000Z> Guts: A relationship should be 50/50--- https://poa.st/media/9ebdb3cdb6f00cefc3d796b6c9883cddd0a5872ae93134706d35279f8881c590.jpg
<2021-03-07T02:39:56.000Z> graf: >mommy
<2021-03-07T02:41:03.000Z> Guts: Im getting my hair cut like julian casablancas in the Instant Crush daft punk video except keeping mine long.
<2021-03-07T02:41:09.000Z> graf: No
<2021-03-07T02:41:29.000Z> Guts: U could say i have retardation or somwthing similar ..
<2021-03-07T02:42:08.000Z> Guts: Yes my hair like grows weird. The top is kinda flat and str8 and the bottom gets wavy and thick it looks so weird i think the only way to even it out is doing that weird shaggy thing
<2021-03-07T02:42:33.000Z> graf: send pic of hair rn
<2021-03-07T02:42:34.000Z> Guts: I dont even know what its called im just bringing various photos in to the people
<2021-03-07T02:42:50.000Z> Guts: Its even worse rn bc ive been wearing headpgones wait ...
<2021-03-07T02:43:00.000Z> Guts: And i wear them at my job too it sucks lol
<2021-03-07T02:43:07.000Z> graf: what job now
<2021-03-07T02:50:27.000Z> Guts: I just spent so long trying to take a pic in the darkass bedroom and had ti go downstairs finally
<2021-03-07T02:50:42.000Z> graf: wheres pup btw
<2021-03-07T02:50:47.000Z> Guts: Ignore pimples i fell asleep w makeup on 2 days ago like a dymbass https://poa.st/media/6e561a99bbcfae7a09a9bbb36e6ee883f93694a75a1b9c76fc0bd930b9762b72.jpg
<2021-03-07T02:50:56.000Z> graf: it looks like 80s hair
<2021-03-07T02:50:58.000Z> graf: i dig it
<2021-03-07T02:50:59.000Z> graf: leave it
<2021-03-07T02:51:14.000Z> Guts: Same telemarketing job i wear earbuds and 2 headsets and take 3 calls at a time on an automated thingy. I press buttons.
<2021-03-07T02:51:32.000Z> Guts: But the other cut will be also 80s...perhaps 70s..
<2021-03-07T02:51:50.000Z> Guts: Pup is holding my feet while i pee rn i dont know why she does this
<2021-03-07T02:52:25.000Z> graf: cute
<2021-03-07T02:52:41.000Z> Guts: Its just not styled or in any kind of cut i dont like it lol its just natural w bangs looks good today most days looks very lord farquadish bc it gets flat at the top
<2021-03-07T02:53:47.000Z> graf: based
<2021-03-07T02:56:16.000Z> graf: drinking beer come over
<2021-03-07T02:56:18.000Z> graf: we can jam
<2021-03-07T03:43:04.000Z> Guts: I was juston fl studio !!!
<2021-03-07T03:43:40.000Z> graf: what u make
<2021-03-07T03:43:48.000Z> Guts: Mmmmmmmm nothing good lol
<2021-03-07T03:44:15.000Z> Guts: Watxhing tv now hbu
<2021-03-07T03:45:17.000Z> graf: trying to drink beers and shitpost
<2021-03-07T03:45:19.000Z> graf: why nothing good
<2021-03-07T03:47:12.000Z> Guts: Idk i just couldnt get yhe song to sound good like ir was missing something. Shitposting...ckasicc
<2021-03-07T03:47:16.000Z> Guts: Classic.* wtf
<2021-03-07T03:50:06.000Z> graf: you need to shitpost
<2021-03-07T03:50:08.000Z> graf: then make a song
<2021-03-07T03:50:12.000Z> graf: shitpost as hard as you can
<2021-03-07T03:50:16.000Z> graf: thats where ur inspiration will come from
<2021-03-07T03:50:19.000Z> graf: t. im ur muse
<2021-03-07T04:55:13.000Z> Guts: I usually can only make a song if im mega blackpilled and have laid on the couch for 3 days str8
<2021-03-07T05:07:36.000Z> graf: :(
<2021-03-07T05:07:37.000Z> graf: crying
<2021-03-07T05:14:52.000Z> Guts: Crying on the Paimon figure
<2021-03-07T05:15:08.000Z> graf: ?????????
<2021-03-07T05:41:36.000Z> Guts attached file https://poa.st/media/48551817f47c69911a4a52b73fce70f63467ccfcb8ab3cc9ac4ec0d975408b18.jpg
<2021-03-07T05:42:01.000Z> Guts: Been editing crap onto this pic of my dog lol
<2021-03-07T06:10:04.000Z> graf: mars friend
<2021-03-07T06:10:05.000Z> graf: u can do better
<2021-03-07T06:10:23.000Z> graf: use phtooshop and select the image on the screen with the magic select tool, right click and layer via cut
<2021-03-07T06:10:32.000Z> graf: delete the picture layer and drag whatever u want underneath it
<2021-03-07T06:10:32.000Z> graf: :)
<2021-03-07T06:37:37.000Z> Guts: I dont have photoshop im not worried if its perfect lol
<2021-03-07T06:37:50.000Z> graf: y no photoshop
<2021-03-07T06:38:11.000Z> Guts: Mmmm idk lol
<2021-03-07T06:39:06.000Z> graf: u want me to buy for yu?
<2021-03-07T12:57:40.000Z> Guts: O no no i hav no use
<2021-03-07T12:57:42.000Z> Guts: For it
<2021-03-07T12:57:59.000Z> Guts: Ty for offer tho what is graf doing this morning
<2021-03-07T19:44:42.000Z> graf: hungover
<2021-03-08T22:46:39.000Z> graf: hi
<2021-03-09T23:36:07.000Z> Guts: Helo
<2021-03-09T23:39:43.000Z> graf: hi Lou coom
<2021-03-11T04:10:59.000Z> Guts: Why dont i ger the notifications!!!!!!!!!!
<2021-03-11T04:11:06.000Z> graf: im working on
<2021-03-11T04:11:10.000Z> Guts: I legit have to remember to look at dms
<2021-03-11T04:11:11.000Z> Guts: Oh
<2021-03-11T04:11:14.000Z> Guts: I thiught wss my phone
<2021-03-11T04:11:17.000Z> graf: u mean
<2021-03-11T04:11:19.000Z> Guts: Oops i cant type
<2021-03-11T04:11:21.000Z> graf: why u ignore me Marski
<2021-03-11T04:11:47.000Z> Guts: I not tryna i just only remember to check them at bad times like b4 i have to sleep or b4 my 20 min drive home lol
<2021-03-11T04:13:52.000Z> graf: u mean
<2021-03-11T04:13:55.000Z> graf: cant believe u hate me
<2021-03-11T04:32:59.000Z> Guts: Not True!
<2021-03-11T04:33:17.000Z> graf: playuthis at full volume https://poa.st/media/67e663779a7735014af85d2fad8d1acbd26a22960e7eef0a8cb7d618b474d041.mp4
<2021-03-11T04:33:35.000Z> Guts: I like my twitter n poast frens i just think im very annoying so  i try not to talk too much to ppl but also i forget that i dont get notifs for dms on here :::)
<2021-03-11T04:34:33.000Z> Guts: I like the pause at the 22 sec mark
<2021-03-11T04:35:20.000Z> graf: ur fine
<2021-03-11T04:35:23.000Z> graf: noone thinks ur annoying
<2021-03-11T04:36:41.000Z> Guts: I do
<2021-03-11T04:36:47.000Z> Guts: Im supposed to be asleep but im shitting
<2021-03-11T04:36:53.000Z> graf: proof
<2021-03-11T04:36:56.000Z> Guts: As soon as i go upstairs.........time for sleep..
<2021-03-11T04:37:05.000Z> Guts: Its gone i alreasy buried it
<2021-03-11T04:37:09.000Z> graf: gay
<2021-03-11T04:37:13.000Z> Guts: af
<2021-03-11T04:37:35.000Z> Guts: Literally no benefits to waking up at 730am
<2021-03-11T04:37:50.000Z> graf attached file https://poa.st/media/7436c41c4971c63cabdedf9bd5eebe2eaef4004dc87a7906901605c8f3a64351.mp4
<2021-03-11T04:39:14.000Z> Guts: Me when aot season 4 trailer reverse trapped me and i thoight mikasa was a new husbando but then found out it was mikasa
<2021-03-11T04:39:18.000Z> Guts: Mankasa ð¤¨
<2021-03-11T04:39:31.000Z> graf: Mankasa??????????????????????
<2021-03-11T04:39:42.000Z> Guts: She looks like a  guy in season 4
<2021-03-11T05:27:48.000Z> graf: wyd
<2021-03-11T22:56:18.000Z> Guts: Above the toilet art :::) https://poa.st/media/f0993721d51c436136428fd1a52912e0a08cd843460a7a19c8bbe825643afbb7.jpg
<2021-03-11T22:56:22.000Z> Guts attached file https://poa.st/media/58457baeec10e343775af4f7e1678c225aa2a8880944fb2eb684614451cfe545.jpg
<2021-03-12T00:17:20.000Z> graf: I like it 
<2021-03-12T00:17:23.000Z> graf: sup
<2021-03-14T15:39:43.000Z> Guts attached file https://poa.st/media/ed4700e2b775241463474086d1c68763233d665172621895bedd4c8faa472477.mp4
<2021-03-14T15:40:06.000Z> Guts: The neighbors dog is desperately trying to fuck my dog he just sits here and waits for her all day cuz shes in heat
<2021-03-14T15:40:20.000Z> graf: wow he's me
<2021-03-14T15:41:23.000Z> Guts: U and margaret
<2021-03-15T23:04:44.000Z> graf: pls
<2021-03-15T23:11:01.000Z> graf: i miss her so much
<2021-03-16T22:11:27.000Z> Guts: Mfw i ran over a nail and have to get my tire replaced
<2021-03-16T22:11:30.000Z> graf: hi
<2021-03-16T22:11:35.000Z> graf: how is the new tire
<2021-03-16T22:11:41.000Z> Guts attached file https://poa.st/media/48b0fac15dbd4ff1fa5dec205e1e2d2aecefd59ba861ddbf5142db3f72cc55d1.jpg
<2021-03-16T22:12:03.000Z> Guts: Theyre putting it on i hatw the tire place every worker here has no ability to make eye contact
<2021-03-16T22:13:54.000Z> graf: stare them down
<2021-03-16T22:14:25.000Z> Guts: I am!!!!
<2021-03-16T22:14:31.000Z> graf: runny nose friend
<2021-03-16T22:14:34.000Z> graf: do i have cringe aids?
<2021-03-16T22:14:55.000Z> Guts: Maybe. Thatd be cool
<2021-03-16T22:15:03.000Z> graf: why????????????????????????????????????????????????
<2021-03-16T22:15:07.000Z> Guts: I think i had it at one pt but i dont know 
<2021-03-16T22:15:18.000Z> Guts: Idk so ur immune system can kick its gay ass ig idk
<2021-03-16T22:16:57.000Z> graf: iit probaably already did
<2021-03-16T22:17:08.000Z> graf: i was deathly sick for like 10 hours last year
<2021-03-16T22:17:10.000Z> graf: like crazy sick
<2021-03-16T22:17:14.000Z> graf: then it just disappeared
<2021-03-16T23:02:29.000Z> Guts: Def had it
<2021-03-16T23:06:01.000Z> graf: guess im immune then
<2021-03-16T23:06:06.000Z> graf: time to get some slanty pussy 
<2021-03-19T13:30:22.000Z> Guts: How to stop feeling worthless ...
<2021-03-19T13:31:33.000Z> Guts: Man i had a bad depressive spiral last night and my bf like didnt caaaaarrreeeeee cuz he has a normal brain and he was like why r u still upset its been 5 hrs. And i tried opening up n shit it was 11:30pm and he just goes oh my god this is annoying can you uust cut me a break its so late! And man tht hurted
<2021-03-19T13:33:26.000Z> Guts: It hurted and i knew i was about to like sob fr i was like i feel a deep deep sorrow coming on and so i just took a drive around the area we live in in the country and had a terrible time. I was very depressed for about 2 or 3 weeks anyway and this was just like a tipping pt and i was rly ready to attempt again the last time was 8 yrs ago i havent felt this bad in 8 whole yrs
<2021-03-20T00:24:58.000Z> graf: why dont u message me when this happens !!
<2021-03-21T01:59:29.000Z> graf: fine :( 
<2021-03-21T03:34:41.000Z> Guts: I didnt see dese!!!
<2021-03-21T03:35:12.000Z> Guts: I checked a lot agter i sent them but then i sped home (i was driving) bc i had to poop super bad and i passed out in bed after
<2021-03-21T05:43:46.000Z> graf: wyd 
<2021-03-22T03:56:46.000Z> Guts: Watching car crash comps wby
<2021-03-22T03:56:55.000Z> graf: hungover
<2021-03-22T03:57:14.000Z> Guts: Classic graf
<2021-03-22T04:02:25.000Z> graf: thank you
<2021-03-22T04:02:30.000Z> graf: hungry
<2021-03-22T04:02:30.000Z> graf: wyd
<2021-03-22T04:02:35.000Z> graf: feed me
<2021-03-22T04:05:12.000Z> Guts: Have no food!
<2021-03-22T04:05:20.000Z> graf: why not
<2021-03-22T04:05:22.000Z> graf: what do u want ill buy
<2021-03-22T12:50:52.000Z> Guts: I thought my dogs friend (the old neighbor dog that belongs to the landlord) died but he actually did not. Very uplifting
<2021-03-22T12:52:38.000Z> Guts: He was chilling under my bfs car and not playing w my dog at all for days, and then we heard the landlord whistling for him late at night and calling him like he was lost. We didnt see him for 3 days which is odd bc hes literally always outside!! And we thought he was dead :::( but we saw him yesterday and we said "TOBY!!!" and ran to him. He had no reaction bc he is old :))
<2021-03-22T12:56:29.000Z> graf: he was just vibing
<2021-03-22T12:56:32.000Z> graf: glad hes okay
<2021-04-04T05:11:50.000Z> Guts: Its grafs birthday???
<2021-04-04T05:11:55.000Z> Guts: Happy birthday!@!
<2021-04-04T05:14:59.000Z> graf: thank you friend
<2021-04-04T05:15:06.000Z> graf: love u miss u hope ur okay
<2021-04-04T05:21:35.000Z> Guts: Im ok!!!! Hope u r having a good birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!
<2021-04-04T05:22:07.000Z> graf: im not but i want to buy u easter dinner so when i wake up tomorrow answer me pls
<2021-04-04T12:14:25.000Z> Guts: Im havin easter dinner w my boyfriends parents! And i will not accept ur gifts gifts make me feel bad! Why didnt u have a good birthday :(
<2021-04-04T16:17:20.000Z> graf: i want firehouse sub
<2021-04-04T16:17:22.000Z> graf: im just lonely friend
<2021-04-04T16:17:28.000Z> graf: it will pass like everything else i ever care about
<2021-04-04T16:45:16.000Z> Guts: :(
<2021-04-04T16:45:38.000Z> Guts: Im sorry, i hope ur easter is good! Honestly idk what a firehouse sub is!
<2021-04-04T16:45:41.000Z> graf: no frown ily i hope you're having the best day
<2021-04-04T16:45:45.000Z> graf: thank you for not forgetting about us !!
<2021-04-04T17:16:02.000Z> Guts: I never forget!!!!!! I just become too involved in twitter!
<2021-04-04T17:16:19.000Z> Guts: Love u too friend !!!! Pls have a good easter!!! 
<2021-04-04T17:16:31.000Z> graf: >twitter
<2021-04-04T17:16:35.000Z> graf: big sad
<2021-04-04T20:15:05.000Z> Guts: I use both!but everyones too funny on poa.st i dint stand a chonce
<2021-04-04T20:17:25.000Z> graf: yes u do
<2021-04-04T20:17:29.000Z> graf: ur funny 2 me
<2021-04-04T20:28:59.000Z> Guts: Fank yew 
<2021-04-04T20:29:07.000Z> Guts: Havin gud easter?
<2021-04-04T20:29:19.000Z> graf: just lonely but im okay
<2021-04-04T20:29:22.000Z> graf: wyd
<2021-04-05T22:49:42.000Z> Guts: Pissin!!!
<2021-04-05T22:49:46.000Z> Guts: wyd!
<2021-04-05T22:49:50.000Z> Guts: Think my dogs pregnant
<2021-04-05T22:49:55.000Z> graf: installing an openttd server for frens
<2021-04-05T22:49:58.000Z> graf: why think shes pregnant
<2021-04-05T23:01:43.000Z> Guts: She was in heat n i caught the neighbors dog tryna fuck her a few weeks ago and now shes very fatigued, throwing up, and her nips are bigger 🤨🤨 disgusting to Say
<2021-04-05T23:01:51.000Z> Guts: Hows that goingf???
<2021-04-05T23:31:50.000Z> graf: good ig
<2021-04-05T23:31:55.000Z> graf: gonna drunk beers so i can sleep ig
<2021-04-06T01:49:34.000Z> Guts: Have good dreams and no nightmares 
<2021-04-06T01:49:42.000Z> graf: hi friend
<2021-04-06T01:49:46.000Z> graf: hope ur havbing gr8 night
<2021-04-06T18:01:55.000Z> graf: hi
<2021-04-06T22:43:39.000Z> Guts: Hi low
<2021-04-06T23:13:23.000Z> graf: how u
<2021-04-07T00:43:21.000Z> Guts: Good trying to paint
<2021-04-07T00:43:46.000Z> Guts: Not very good i dont paint, im trying to learn https://poa.st/media/20f638e8eb9dc062cb4fba21f80404ca310a71f7dc6cd352c152e8aafd37899d.jpg
<2021-04-07T01:28:11.000Z> graf: I like it
<2021-04-07T01:28:11.000Z> graf: :)
<2021-04-07T01:28:13.000Z> graf: paint me things
<2021-04-07T02:19:21.000Z> Guts: I was in fact a retard tho and put turpentine in a solo cup and of course it ate thru cuz im a retard whos never oil painted before
<2021-04-07T02:33:15.000Z> graf: uits okay we all have to learn omehow friend
<2021-04-07T02:33:21.000Z> graf: how was your day !!!!!!!
<2021-04-07T22:20:50.000Z> Guts: Im pissin, gonns go make dinner hby
<2021-04-07T22:20:51.000Z> Guts: Hbu
<2021-04-07T22:28:49.000Z> graf: hey !!!!
<2021-04-07T22:28:53.000Z> graf: im making dinner rn
<2021-04-07T22:28:56.000Z> graf: peri peri chicken :)
<2021-04-07T22:49:02.000Z> Guts: Im making chicken as well!!!!
<2021-04-07T23:04:55.000Z> graf: show me when ur done
<2021-04-07T23:04:56.000Z> graf: i love chicken 
<2021-04-10T22:48:00.000Z> graf: hi guts
<2021-04-15T00:04:41.000Z> graf: i said HI GUTS
<2021-04-22T17:00:47.000Z> Guts: Hi
<2021-04-22T17:00:52.000Z> graf: hi gut
<2021-04-22T17:01:15.000Z> Guts: Sup graf
<2021-04-22T17:01:23.000Z> graf: hungover wyd come over and cook for me
<2021-04-22T17:02:59.000Z> Guts: Not hungover but on lunch break. I rly dont cook that well. I dont think lol
<2021-04-22T17:03:20.000Z> Guts: My bf says im good but i feel like i am not 
<2021-04-22T17:04:31.000Z> graf: i feel like u are bc you dont make shitty unthought-out food
<2021-04-22T17:07:25.000Z> Guts: I mean sometimes i do hehehe. If i dont care to think of something i make chicken w mushrooms, potat and green bean
<2021-04-22T17:07:41.000Z> Guts: Or just like chicken or fish with a strawberry salad
<2021-04-22T17:07:41.000Z> graf: no mushroom for me thank u
<2021-04-22T17:07:47.000Z> Guts: Those r my lazy go tos
<2021-04-22T17:07:52.000Z> Guts: I dont like them either lol
<2021-04-22T17:08:02.000Z> Guts: Theyre textured weird
<2021-04-22T17:09:19.000Z> graf: then why do you use them!!!!!!!!!!!!
<2021-04-22T17:12:50.000Z> Guts: Bf likes them and ill eat some if i want more volume but not too many more calories in a meal lol
<2021-04-22T17:13:04.000Z> graf: send weight
<2021-04-22T20:51:18.000Z> Guts: Its a tubby weight but my clothes fit looser than they did when i was 10 lbs lighter so im guessing its muscle
<2021-04-22T21:54:15.000Z> graf: lets go post muscles
<2021-04-23T00:01:06.000Z> Guts: I believe i have sone that are yet hidden under a small layer of chub
<2021-04-23T00:01:20.000Z> graf: wyd
<2021-04-23T00:01:23.000Z> graf: play 7 days to die with us
<2021-04-23T00:01:25.000Z> Guts: Bc i cant rly grab any fat on me anymore but i cant rly see any defined muscle hehe
<2021-04-23T00:01:32.000Z> Guts: What dat how i play w u guys
<2021-04-23T00:01:40.000Z> graf: zombie crafting game
<2021-04-23T00:01:45.000Z> graf: its like minecraft but for adults
<2021-04-23T00:06:00.000Z> Guts: Would it run on my bullshit laptip
<2021-04-23T00:06:01.000Z> Guts: Laptop
<2021-04-23T00:07:41.000Z> graf: maybe
<2021-04-25T18:02:14.000Z> graf: wyd come over
<2021-05-01T02:43:58.000Z> Guts: Graf I hate the ocean
<2021-05-01T02:45:08.000Z> Guts: As soon as I saw I was stuck on tbe ship in a different age, I felt queesy and then i fuckin see this underwater room witj glass walls i literally almost threw up i hate it it is scary
<2021-05-01T02:46:47.000Z> graf: i think you'll be okay
<2021-05-01T02:46:50.000Z> graf: i have faith in u friend
<2021-05-01T02:46:53.000Z> graf: im starving myself ig
<2021-05-01T02:47:00.000Z> graf: need to lose weight so i can be cute mexican girl
<2021-05-01T02:49:26.000Z> Guts: Little Mexican graf
<2021-05-01T02:49:47.000Z> graf: need her
<2021-05-01T02:56:59.000Z> Guts: My dog is pregnant i think
<2021-05-01T03:01:11.000Z> graf: what do you think you will do about it
<2021-05-01T03:08:55.000Z> Guts: Sell the bbs and keep one
<2021-05-01T03:09:07.000Z> graf: ONE?
<2021-05-01T03:09:35.000Z> Guts: ONE!
<2021-05-01T03:09:52.000Z> graf: why only one
<2021-05-01T15:05:51.000Z> Guts: No room or time or money to have a bunch of dogs, but would like to keep one 
<2021-05-01T15:47:29.000Z> graf: hi
<2021-05-01T15:47:30.000Z> graf: good morning
<2021-05-01T15:47:33.000Z> graf: wyd my feet cold
<2021-05-08T03:33:09.000Z> Guts: Helo graf i spent a short little 6 hrs in a psychiatric inpatient center a few days ago and now am on heavy depression and sleep medications!! Hru
<2021-05-08T03:34:16.000Z> graf: HI are you okay
<2021-05-08T03:34:23.000Z> graf: miss u im okay but tell me what is going on
<2021-05-08T03:34:24.000Z> graf: pls
<2021-05-08T03:34:58.000Z> Guts: Did u get drunk for cinco de mayo
<2021-05-08T03:35:32.000Z> graf: no i got drunk the day after but i cant drink much anymore i think im gonna die
<2021-05-08T03:35:49.000Z> graf: my GGT levels (a chemical the liver releases) are more than double the "high" reading 
<2021-05-08T03:36:08.000Z> graf: so I cut back a lot and im gonna get another blood test in a week and a bit
<2021-05-08T03:37:39.000Z> Guts: Well i had a massive uncontrollable mental breakdown in the middle of lunchbreak on tuesday, idk what happened. I ended up driving to a random apartment complex place and had what i assume is a panic attack and a depressive spiral and then i realized somehow that 2 hrs passed and i drove to a hospital and told them i was suicidal and a psychiatric place was very very boring. They took like 4 vials of my blood, the nurse made me strip down in front of her and she had to feel inside my bra and underwear for sharp things and wrapons lol and then i got a gown and socks and pants and i laid in a bed for like 6 hrs. 
<2021-05-08T03:38:17.000Z> graf: the end sounds kinda cozy
<2021-05-08T03:38:31.000Z> graf: im glad u are okay but maybe this has something to do with wanting 2 make babies and ur bf not wanting
<2021-05-08T03:39:48.000Z> Guts: They woke me up a couppe times for testing and blood drawing and i also had a very not private psychiatry session with a dr on a tablet and it was not cozy bc there were 5 people to a room and i was in there with an old woman, a legit crackhead, a morbidly obese guy who kept calling me beautiful, and some other guy who seemed pretty normal lol but the drs all said i was cool :)
<2021-05-08T03:41:02.000Z> graf: im glad you made friends with the crackhead and the normal guy 
<2021-05-08T03:41:02.000Z> Guts: No. He does want kids we just both didnt want them yet bc we not financially ready but hes getting his pilots license soon and he said he wouldnt mind if i got pregnant now. We had an accident a few weeks ago and he wanted to get me a plan B and i was like uhh you can buy it if u want me to take it. And then he decided he did not want to bc he said if i was pregnant it wouldnt be a bad thing so he didnt buy it lol
<2021-05-08T03:41:06.000Z> graf: wonder what its like being fat and crazy
<2021-05-08T03:41:24.000Z> Guts: The dinner they gave me was nasty af
<2021-05-08T03:41:31.000Z> graf: what was it
<2021-05-08T03:42:08.000Z> Guts: An apple, a cup of apple juice, a cup of fruit that was clearly in the fridge for too long, and a nasty burger on wheat buns.
<2021-05-08T03:42:13.000Z> Guts: And chips
<2021-05-08T03:42:28.000Z> Guts: I ate half the burger and took a bite of the fruit but i was like i cant do this lmao
<2021-05-08T03:43:22.000Z> Guts: They sent me home bc they said my chart was bad and that i had a very severe depression disorder but tht since i dont hurt myself or anything that they were gonna send me home. They gave me 4 days off work and 2 prescrips. 
<2021-05-08T03:47:40.000Z> graf: which drugs u get
<2021-05-08T03:49:23.000Z> Guts: I think theyre called trazodone and venlafaxine(?)
<2021-05-08T03:49:40.000Z> Guts: Idk if that 2nd one is spelled right
<2021-05-08T03:49:50.000Z> graf: sounds heavy
<2021-05-08T03:49:52.000Z> graf: we gonna party?
<2021-05-08T03:49:59.000Z> Guts: 4sure
<2021-05-08T03:53:12.000Z> graf: what are u doing tonight?
<2021-05-08T03:54:45.000Z> Guts: Nothin i made a song and now im about to pop the sleeping pill and prob pass out. It knocked me tf OUT the first time i took it like i was asleep within 20 min
<2021-05-08T03:56:10.000Z> graf: mine takes a couple hour but it works for 12 every time
<2021-05-08T03:56:10.000Z> graf: lolk
<2021-05-08T03:56:15.000Z> graf: love sleepy meds
<2021-05-08T03:57:57.000Z> graf: what is song about
<2021-05-08T03:58:33.000Z> Guts: I did wake up to peepee once the other night tho. Disappointing!!Idk. I just tried to make it sound nice/romantic but its bullshit lyrics as always
<2021-05-08T03:58:46.000Z> Guts: elephantchatroom.bandcamp.com/track/you-you-you
<2021-05-08T04:00:49.000Z> graf: i like it
<2021-05-08T04:00:51.000Z> graf: good vibes 
<2021-05-08T04:00:55.000Z> graf: thank you for link 
<2021-05-08T04:03:00.000Z> Guts: Im pissin
<2021-05-08T04:06:06.000Z> graf: proof
<2021-05-08T04:11:33.000Z> Guts: Im tryna send u a pic of my dumbass dog hiding behind the toilet during a LIGHT rain bc shes scared but it wont let me lol
<2021-05-08T04:12:18.000Z> graf: I wish it was raining
<2021-05-08T04:18:20.000Z> Guts: Why for
<2021-05-08T04:20:42.000Z> graf: I love the sound
<2021-05-08T04:20:43.000Z> graf: and the smell
<2021-05-08T04:20:45.000Z> graf: rain is very soothing
<2021-05-08T04:20:51.000Z> graf: wish i had someone to lay in bed with and listen to the rain all night
<2021-05-08T04:21:44.000Z> Guts: Sry graf i hope u get ur rain wife soon
<2021-05-08T04:22:09.000Z> Guts: And she will be like its raining im gonna make a pie. Thatd be Epic ..
<2021-05-08T04:22:14.000Z> graf: why did she just leave me without warning or saying anything just, disappear
<2021-05-08T04:22:15.000Z> graf: :(
<2021-05-08T04:24:04.000Z> graf: sry i wont bring u down
<2021-05-08T04:24:06.000Z> graf: did u take med
<2021-05-08T04:24:15.000Z> graf: i kinda want cheese and cracker but i dont have qany cheese i dont think../
<2021-05-08T05:04:15.000Z> graf: sweet dreams friend i hope you feel better
<2021-05-08T05:04:17.000Z> graf: <3 
<2021-05-08T07:44:33.000Z> Guts: No pls tell me aboot it. Wtf is qany cheese nigguh
<2021-05-08T07:45:11.000Z> graf: I meant dont have any cheese
<2021-05-08T07:45:14.000Z> graf: im eat freezie rn
<2021-05-08T07:45:18.000Z> graf: (ice pop)
<2021-05-08T07:46:05.000Z> Guts: I aint had one uh dose in forever. What flavor
<2021-05-08T07:46:21.000Z> Guts: Mfw i take trazodone and still wake up at 330am
<2021-05-08T07:46:29.000Z> Guts: 😔😔😔
<2021-05-08T07:46:50.000Z> graf: grape 
<2021-05-08T07:46:56.000Z> graf: i took sleepy pills around hwen you did and im still awake
<2021-05-08T07:47:00.000Z> graf: :(
<2021-05-08T07:47:12.000Z> Guts: Grape??????????? 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨
<2021-05-08T07:47:22.000Z> graf: yes purple flavor !!!!!!!!!1
<2021-05-08T07:47:50.000Z> Guts: We are immune. The govt wants us to sleep but we do not fall for THAT
<2021-05-08T07:48:06.000Z> graf: wish i could i still dont feel good
<2021-05-08T07:48:06.000Z> Guts: Grape is poopoo
<2021-05-08T07:48:11.000Z> graf: stupid liver
<2021-05-08T07:49:44.000Z> Guts: Liv er...Live...Her.....it All...Connects..
<2021-05-08T07:50:09.000Z> graf: no thats just the drugs talking
<2021-05-13T00:18:12.000Z> Guts: Graf! Its no longer bulking season
<2021-05-13T00:18:19.000Z> Guts: It is...cutting season.
<2021-05-13T00:18:29.000Z> graf: show abs
<2021-05-13T00:18:34.000Z> Guts: The weights r coming out .... i have lost 4 lbs in 3 days.... it is time.... for anime abs ...
<2021-05-13T00:18:59.000Z> Guts: When i get them im definitely showing off i dont even care if its whoreish to post tummy on instagram im showing all the losers the abs ..
<2021-05-13T00:20:49.000Z> graf: proud of u
<2021-05-13T00:20:52.000Z> graf: wyd
<2021-05-13T00:27:47.000Z> Guts: Showering after sweating for 2 hrs hbu
<2021-05-13T00:27:53.000Z> graf: WHAT
<2021-05-13T00:27:56.000Z> graf: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT
<2021-05-13T00:34:27.000Z> Guts: True
<2021-05-13T00:34:46.000Z> Guts: Hair feels nasty
<2021-05-13T00:41:35.000Z> graf: mine does too
<2021-05-13T00:41:38.000Z> graf: maybe ill shower later
<2021-05-13T00:41:40.000Z> graf: but for now its white claw time
<2021-05-13T00:41:41.000Z> graf: join me
<2021-05-13T01:01:13.000Z> Guts: I aint neva had a white claw
<2021-05-13T01:01:22.000Z> graf: time to change that tbh
<2021-05-13T01:01:26.000Z> Guts: Ive probably said that in response to you so many times but i dont remember
<2021-05-13T01:01:33.000Z> graf: probably
<2021-05-13T01:01:37.000Z> graf: so change it !
<2021-05-13T01:11:27.000Z> Guts: Nahnahnah maybe some day
<2021-05-13T01:11:33.000Z> graf: cring
<2021-05-13T01:11:39.000Z> graf: im listen to die mannequin 
<2021-05-13T01:11:54.000Z> Guts: Ur cring!
<2021-05-13T01:12:15.000Z> graf: no way im basado and royopilled 
<2021-05-13T01:12:20.000Z> graf: or w/e it is in spanish
<2021-05-13T02:28:37.000Z> Guts: Ju are ju are
<2021-05-13T02:28:58.000Z> graf: wyd
<2021-05-13T02:29:00.000Z> graf: how was shower
<2021-05-14T10:31:59.000Z> graf: i fixed chats in app :)
<2021-05-14T10:32:12.000Z> graf: elf.rehab/s/BxtZgCjD3tM9Ami
<2021-05-14T14:09:18.000Z> graf: GUTS MARS COME BACK
<2021-05-15T00:29:05.000Z> Guts: I HAVE small little baby guns theyre not gr8 cuz ive only been arm shit for 2 months but still. i used to flex and have NADA
<2021-05-15T00:29:22.000Z> Guts: There s an error when u click the link!!
<2021-05-15T00:29:25.000Z> Guts: *I
<2021-05-15T05:40:43.000Z> graf: hi
<2021-05-15T05:40:49.000Z> graf: you can use poa.st/apk now 
<2021-05-15T12:44:07.000Z> Guts: Ok i do after work :)
<2021-05-15T13:27:21.000Z> graf: have a good day friend!!!!!
<2021-05-15T13:27:27.000Z> graf: im here if u need to poo vent
<2021-05-15T15:04:12.000Z> Guts: My 2 month mini guns 🔫 https://img.poast.org/e7ef021e15e226183e80bf9b554f0fb7726eb2a766f4bf11235ae913ad290b5d.png
<2021-05-15T15:04:44.000Z> Guts: Notjing impressive. But tiny progress
<2021-05-15T15:15:14.000Z> graf: thx for armpit
<2021-05-15T15:15:34.000Z> graf: proud of u, mowing my lawn
<2021-05-15T15:15:35.000Z> graf: sweaty af
<2021-05-25T01:05:27.000Z> Guts: Hi graf sup
<2021-05-25T01:09:55.000Z> graf: im awake hello
<2021-05-25T01:14:41.000Z> Guts: My dryer flooded the kitchen today
<2021-05-25T01:14:48.000Z> Guts: My washer i mean i dont know why i said dryer
<2021-05-25T01:15:07.000Z> graf: what did you do about it friend
<2021-05-25T01:29:10.000Z> Guts: Wht any other woman would do. Cleaned the water,shut off the hoses in the back of the washer and then immediately called my bf who was at work
<2021-05-25T01:30:30.000Z> graf: now you have to wash clothes by hand :bball1:
<2021-05-25T01:41:58.000Z> Guts: Oh me oh my oh no theres a laundromat 5 min away
<2021-05-25T01:47:26.000Z> graf: you would sit in a laundromat
<2021-05-25T01:47:30.000Z> graf: during this pandemic? ur insane bro
<2021-05-25T02:49:04.000Z> Guts: Pandoomic
<2021-05-25T02:49:16.000Z> Guts: I entered w no mask im sick of the mask shit
<2021-05-25T02:50:20.000Z> graf: me too friend i hate them makes me feel stuffy and gross
<2021-05-25T02:50:32.000Z> graf: hate breathing my own air need gfs air to breathe 
<2021-05-29T00:54:09.000Z> graf: happy friday friend
<2021-05-29T02:53:15.000Z> Guts: Happy friday graf i work saturdays 😔
<2021-05-29T02:53:24.000Z> graf: aw im sorry
<2021-05-29T02:53:28.000Z> graf: what time u go to bed??
<2021-05-29T03:05:21.000Z> Guts: Whenevr this sleeping pill hits me lmao
<2021-05-29T03:10:59.000Z> graf: proud of u
<2021-05-29T03:11:04.000Z> graf: this sleeping pill for me is a couple pints
<2021-05-29T03:11:08.000Z> graf: whenever those hit me im out <3
<2021-05-29T03:11:11.000Z> graf: miss u
<2021-05-29T03:26:06.000Z> Guts: twitter fren was just telling me they miss ur twitter presence lol
<2021-05-29T03:30:00.000Z> graf: i aint goin back sorry friend
<2021-06-09T00:20:59.000Z> Guts: Tfw i tell bf that it makes me self conscious that he follows porn stars on tiktok and he just yells at me and says im making HIM feel like a bad bf and then when i ask him to be receptive to me he says its stupid and then i start crying and he gets up to leave and i say please dont, and he says im not doing this and i just start bawling and saying hes making me feel so stupid and he just leaves anyway
<2021-06-09T00:21:09.000Z> Guts: :( why am i unlovable
<2021-06-09T00:21:38.000Z> graf: im working to fix website but you can talk to me I will stop and listen 
<2021-06-09T00:21:39.000Z> Guts: He literally asked me what was wrong like 10 times cuz he noticed i was acting weird so i said its stupid but he said tell me and so i did and now i feel worse :::(
<2021-06-09T00:21:47.000Z> graf: I understand why you feel that way I'd be really upset too 
<2021-06-09T00:21:52.000Z> Guts: Oh sorry it is okay
<2021-06-09T00:22:15.000Z> Guts: Yeah i said wouldny you feel bad? He said no and i wouldnt ask you to stop either youre crying bc i follow a tiktok account?
<2021-06-09T00:22:35.000Z> Guts: And then i felt so dumb and burst into tears. I jusf wanna be all someone needs man :(
<2021-06-09T00:22:42.000Z> graf: it's not the account it's about the person !!
<2021-06-09T00:23:04.000Z> graf: I know how u feel wish I was all someome needed
<2021-06-09T00:24:05.000Z> Guts: I know...and its bimbo and breast expansion porn...he follows chicks who wear fake expanding tits and bimbos with lip injections and giant implants and he even said he wanted to buy me lip injextions once and so bc the fetish involves body parts that i dont have...i feel gross...
<2021-06-09T00:24:41.000Z> Guts: I have Double d tits and ok lips. I never felt insecure til now...but im just left here to cry while he goes out n gers a coffee bc my crying was annoying. Why? :/
<2021-06-09T00:25:35.000Z> graf: you didn't do anything wrong I would feel inadequate too
<2021-06-09T00:25:46.000Z> graf: do you tell him that's why it upsets you?
<2021-06-09T00:26:06.000Z> Guts: I even said, if i made you feel gross and made tou burst into tears id hug u and stop doing whatever upset you...and he just said "its normal for guys to follow models and pornstars." Nothing else..
<2021-06-09T00:26:08.000Z> Guts: Yes i did...
<2021-06-09T00:26:29.000Z> Guts: He didnt reply. :( maybe hell come back into the bedroom and comfort me...but most likely.not...
<2021-06-09T00:26:36.000Z> Guts: I feel stupid
<2021-06-09T00:26:52.000Z> graf: it's not normal, I don't do it 
<2021-06-09T00:27:14.000Z> graf: then again I follow anime bots so I can see anime boob because I don't get any other boob 
<2021-06-09T00:27:16.000Z> graf: lol
<2021-06-09T00:27:19.000Z> Guts: I told him the lip injection thing made me upset before and he said "its just a fetish i was just dirty talking." 
<2021-06-09T00:27:29.000Z> Guts: But its anime man thats so different. Theyre not real.
<2021-06-09T00:27:30.000Z> graf: don't feel stupid I don't understand any injection shit 
<2021-06-09T00:28:01.000Z> Guts: I dont even watch porn anymore or lust after dudes. You could show me a giant dick on the hottest man alive and id feel nothing cuz its not him...i just want someone to love me tbat much too
<2021-06-09T00:28:30.000Z> graf: giant dick is stupid just like giant tit
<2021-06-09T00:28:38.000Z> graf: just a giant waste 
<2021-06-09T00:28:47.000Z> Guts: His defense is that why do i feel gross if he tells me im sexy all the time and says he loves me.everyday? But the good stuff doesnt offset the things that upset me..
<2021-06-09T00:29:29.000Z> Guts: And he says "why is it i always do something wrong? Have i ever came to you and told you youre making me feel gross? no" and i wanted to say bc i dont do things thatd make you feel gross....but i just didnt. Bc theres no pt...
<2021-06-09T00:29:34.000Z> graf: I want someone to love me that much too that's all I ever want. i understand why he feels that way but there's really nothing of value to earn from following porn stars because it's not like they're smart, or funny or anything 
<2021-06-09T00:30:16.000Z> Guts: Yea he said jesus christ its not like im in a relationship w them or know them irl. But thats not even the point....
<2021-06-09T00:30:51.000Z> Guts: He said fine ill stop following them. But now he wont reply to me and all i want is a hug...i just feel like im being prioritized 2nd to fucking porn and he thinks its stupid
<2021-06-09T00:31:13.000Z> graf: I know what you mean it feels like shit because you feel like you're being compared to them 
<2021-06-09T00:31:22.000Z> graf: you're not crazy 
<2021-06-09T00:31:27.000Z> Guts: I just want a hug. I want to not have to sit here and comfort myself man. I didnt have anyone to do it for me my whole childhood and still i have no one to just console me.
<2021-06-09T00:31:49.000Z> Guts: Yeah i even said that. He just scoffed and said well im sorry you think you need giant tits just bc i follow some accounts.
<2021-06-09T00:32:22.000Z> Guts: I said youre making me feel so stupid please just think about how i feel.he said what about how *i* feel?? And i just didnt respond...
<2021-06-09T00:32:55.000Z> graf: you're perfect the way you are
<2021-06-09T00:32:58.000Z> graf: I promise you that 
<2021-06-09T00:57:35.000Z> graf: don't forget u can call and cry at me any time you need day or night !
<2021-06-09T01:01:38.000Z> Guts: He just told me he csnt stand when i start getting sad like this and that he doesnt wanna talk
<2021-06-09T01:02:04.000Z> Guts: Im thinking i need time alone...should i call off work tmw and go stay at an airbnb for a few days.i want to so bad...i cant deal w this
<2021-06-09T01:02:28.000Z> Guts: If u think its a good idea ill do it...i need guidance..
<2021-06-09T01:02:32.000Z> graf: you should take time and space but I dunno if you have money 
<2021-06-09T01:02:38.000Z> Guts: I just want to disappear for a little while
<2021-06-09T01:02:41.000Z> graf: if you do you definitely need to vibe 
<2021-06-09T01:02:42.000Z> Guts: I do i have 5k rn
<2021-06-09T01:02:53.000Z> Guts: Ill do it.
<2021-06-09T01:03:15.000Z> graf: space is good sometimes esp when u live together and have arguments like this 
<2021-06-09T01:08:41.000Z> graf attached file https://img.poast.org/ae4b01bdeb2f0cc343ca55fde3e772717c9c556fe35b2854a2de51877ab39a67.jpg
<2021-06-09T01:13:31.000Z> Guts: It gave me an error i cant book one :( i just want to be alone man
<2021-06-09T01:13:43.000Z> graf: why not 
<2021-06-09T01:13:49.000Z> Guts: I really need it
<2021-06-09T01:13:52.000Z> Guts: I dont know
<2021-06-09T01:14:23.000Z> graf: what about hotel or sumn
<2021-06-09T01:14:56.000Z> Guts: No cash just paycard 
<2021-06-09T01:15:14.000Z> graf: what does that mean 
<2021-06-09T01:15:19.000Z> Guts: Ill try booking a different one maybe
<2021-06-09T01:15:48.000Z> Guts: Work paycard they loas the checks onto it and i cant use an atm or bank cuz it doesnt like work w any atms
<2021-06-09T01:16:08.000Z> graf: hop in car see you in a few hours 🤛
<2021-06-09T01:16:14.000Z> graf: I can give u my visa if u want 
<2021-06-09T01:16:44.000Z> Guts: Thatd be cool to visit. But i have work still
<2021-06-09T01:17:02.000Z> Guts: Tmws our 2 yr anniversary too :(
<2021-06-09T01:18:03.000Z> graf: well if you do end up going somewhere I will order u healthy food and get healthy food and have dinner with u 👍🏻
<2021-06-09T01:24:32.000Z> Guts: I booked a cabin
<2021-06-09T01:24:39.000Z> Guts: A tiny one in the woods
<2021-06-09T01:24:43.000Z> Guts: For 4 days
<2021-06-09T01:24:53.000Z> Guts: I need this so bad
<2021-06-09T01:25:00.000Z> graf: when do you go
<2021-06-09T01:27:06.000Z> Guts: Tmw
<2021-06-09T01:27:48.000Z> graf: I will be here the entire time so you can chat or vent or use me as muse to make music, anything u need from me you got it 
<2021-06-09T01:28:08.000Z> Guts: Im not gonna tell my bf. Hes made me feel so unneeded that i dont even feel like i have to tell him. Im gonna pack up my things and my dog and some clothes and just go tmw while hes at work. If he gets pissed then he gets pissed
<2021-06-09T01:28:23.000Z> Guts: Oh thatll be a good time to make music 
<2021-06-09T01:29:45.000Z> graf: that's cute I wish I had someone to go to lil cute cabin with 
<2021-06-09T01:29:49.000Z> graf: crying internally 
<2021-06-09T01:34:15.000Z> Guts: Bf still ignoring me 
<2021-06-09T01:34:40.000Z> graf: pretty mature tbh
<2021-06-09T01:34:44.000Z> Guts: I dont think it would be petty to ignore him tmw when he comes home and me and my things are gone. 
<2021-06-09T01:34:57.000Z> Guts: I think itd be fine.
<2021-06-09T01:35:41.000Z> graf: did you feel better when you went to hospital for a bit and came back
<2021-06-09T01:35:52.000Z> Guts: I will work on music and chill outside w my doggy and think of nice things
<2021-06-09T01:37:48.000Z> Guts: Yes. It was almost a similar situation. He caused an argument and i started spiraling. I said im going to a hospital and suddenly he was sorry. Im not doing this to make him feel bad and i didnt go to the hospital to make him feel bad either. I just need heavy alone time. If he gets pissed then ill just permentantly leave. Ill come back when hes at work the next day, grab the rest of my things and drive somewhere else. i have friends who desperately want me to move in w them.so its not even a problem. i just wish this was easier and that he was more sensitive. I wanna feel loved
<2021-06-09T01:38:22.000Z> graf: I do too
<2021-06-09T01:38:28.000Z> graf: it's been a very long time and it sucks 
<2021-06-09T01:38:33.000Z> graf: but I feel you 
<2021-06-09T01:39:08.000Z> graf: I don't know what the situation was but if you feel better being away and you feel that way this time maybe it's for the best 
<2021-06-09T01:39:36.000Z> Guts: U mean wby i spiraled before?
<2021-06-09T01:40:07.000Z> graf: yes 
<2021-06-09T01:44:04.000Z> Guts: Bc i asked him a question about something and prefaced it with "i dont want to argue im just genuinely curious bc i want to better accommadate you" it had to do with a different fetish that i totally accept i just needed to ask a question to like make it better and he said "oh my god this is ridiculous" amd i said oh sorry im just trying to like better it, and he started saying it was adumb question then whrn i said stop youre making me upset he started laughing saying hes the one that should bd upset..over a question that embarrassed him but i meant well...started arguing n i had a full breakdown 
<2021-06-09T01:45:48.000Z> graf: fetishes are so weird to me, I'll never understand it. like I have preferences and I won't sleep with someone if they don't meet that requirement whether it be like, weight or whatever but I don't understand anything else
<2021-06-09T01:46:32.000Z> graf: so if you want me to follow whenever you mention that you have to explain it. I don't mean now but in the future if you bring it up you have to explain 
<2021-06-09T01:49:33.000Z> Guts: He has like...a crossdressing fetish. Which is fine. Im down w it. But he was like..going on subreddits for closeted trans people so i literallh just had to ask...are you trans. And he got offended and said no i just like the memes bc theyre relatable to crossdressing the fact that u even ask me that is ridiculous. To which i tried saying its not bc of course i might think that if ur going on those subs...and he just kept doubling down that it was stupid of me to think that and that hes happy being a man and wants to get married to me and have kids so why would he be trans?
<2021-06-09T01:50:10.000Z> Guts: I was like look ur making me feel dumb for a perfectly reasonable question considering what u were looking at and he just kept laughing and scoffing and belitting me and i started to cry
<2021-06-09T01:50:31.000Z> Guts: Hes like so kind and nice but the second i offend him or bring up something upsetting...hes really mean...
<2021-06-09T01:50:51.000Z> Guts: He just came upstairs for bed and didnt even say anything to me or touch me even. just laid down and went to sleep.
<2021-06-09T01:51:00.000Z> graf: that's really weird and not normal to me at all
<2021-06-09T01:51:14.000Z> graf: im sorry he's ignoring you 
<2021-06-09T01:52:00.000Z> Guts: Yeah its a bit weirs but im ok with it cuz i love him he just likes to dress in womens shit and put on makeup sometimes but sometimes he likes ddlg and being like a dom. Im down w it all. But i just had to ask a question and he went off.
<2021-06-09T01:52:43.000Z> graf: I don't know how I would feel if someone called me daddy unironically 
<2021-06-09T01:52:51.000Z> graf: maybe it's because im old already 
<2021-06-09T01:55:43.000Z> Guts: It also happened another time. He was like...going on reddit gonewild subs and he went on a femdom one (which i know he likes and we do together) and he commented "i think i love you" on some girls shit...and i said dude why did u say that...he said i didnt mean it its just porn. I said if u didnt mean it whyd u say it? He said cuz i was jacking off..i said ok thats fine u can look at shit n jack off but why directly interact w them? And he said "oh my god. Because i like strap ons" (girl in pic was wearing one) then hes like "what else do you want me to say? like jesus. I didnt do anything." And i felt self conscious for a long time and one day i even randomly started crying while making us dinner and he hugged me and said he was really.sorry. he also said "i felt bad when i did it too. Thats why i never did it ever again." Which is true, i found out like 4 months afterward and he didnt have any other comments like that. And i dont know. I just feel like porn in general is a bad issue w us
<2021-06-09T01:57:41.000Z> Guts: Like he even told me once, a year ago, that his porn addiction was rly bad lately and that he even looks at it at work. I was like ok.....he was like sorry?? And then he was like...showing me the videos he has saved on his phones and rhe hundreds of pictures and when i said ok im uncomfortable with this he went "oh my god seriously?" And rolled his eyes. I got up to go to the bathroom cuz i was about to tear up just from his response and he goes "slam!" as i pass the door cuz he assumed id slam it. I didnt. I just looked back at him and went to the bathroom and when i xame back he cuddled me and said sorry but its like...if ur sorry why do u always upset me and egg me on like that
<2021-06-09T01:57:57.000Z> graf: porn is bad for everyone. it's fine to experiment or whatever if that's your thing but porn addiction is a real thing. it burns out your reward center in your brain and eventually makes it harder and harder mentally for you to reach a point you can get off and pushes you further and further into more degenerate shit
<2021-06-09T01:58:05.000Z> Guts: I even said "happy 2 yrs tomorrow :)" to like lighten the mood after the argument and he didnt reply...
<2021-06-09T01:59:11.000Z> Guts: Yeah. I think if i leave for these 4 days and he doesnt feel remorse or change...then im done..Which sucks bc i did want to marry him i still do i love him but its clear im 2nd to his wants. He wants to favor porn over me and leave me to cry while not caring one bit? Then fine.
<2021-06-09T01:59:36.000Z> Guts: I literally said im begging you to just give me affection now please i need you im so sad. And still got ignored.
<2021-06-09T02:01:34.000Z> Guts: Im gonna chill tonight. Wait til morning. call of work. Pack up. Leave for that cabin. I just cant even stand this.
<2021-06-09T02:02:04.000Z> graf: sorry im like so vanilla compared to all this so I can't offer a lot of advice when it comes to that type of addiction. I've tried many times when I was younger but masturbation doesn't work for me at all so I just never got into watching porn or anything so I can't tell you what that feels like but I know what it feels like to feel like you're there just to fill a void and it's no good. you definitely don't deserve that and im sorry you have to experience it especially on a day that's supposed to be that special 
<2021-06-09T02:02:16.000Z> Guts: What hurts very bad is he told me his dad even said to him once in private "dont fuck this up. This is the only good woman youve ever brought over." And yet im just not special enough.
<2021-06-09T02:03:00.000Z> Guts: I know. Like i was so excited to do something for the anniversary snd suprirse him but im just getting ignored and feeling like lower than dirt
<2021-06-09T02:03:05.000Z> graf: I don't think it's you I think it's just a comfortability thing and not wanting to be alone 
<2021-06-09T02:03:51.000Z> Guts: Maybe
<2021-06-09T02:04:06.000Z> Guts: Like that was literally the last thing he said to me it mega hurt https://img.poast.org/f3eee5d61e26d43959e8e743d2402e1cde788c7985adfaab142f320785483dd2.jpg
<2021-06-09T02:04:38.000Z> graf: yeah that's not real communication 
<2021-06-09T02:04:44.000Z> graf: I'm sorry 
<2021-06-09T02:04:54.000Z> Guts: Reading that just sent me into a horrible headspace man it really just felt like after hours of begging him to consider me he still gave no fucks cuz porns more important
<2021-06-09T02:05:04.000Z> Guts: Yea i sent like 5 more texts after that. All ignored.
<2021-06-09T02:05:41.000Z> graf: maybe this will make u smile, I planted a rose bush a couple years ago and it's blossoming and it looked cute poa.st/notice/A85PjgNLzNoWabx4Sm
<2021-06-09T02:05:58.000Z> graf: when does he go to work
<2021-06-09T02:06:03.000Z> Guts: I kinda wanna just leave rn but its not ideal like hed hear me packing shit and get pissed and i dont even wanna see him rn.
<2021-06-09T02:06:08.000Z> Guts: 6 in the morning
<2021-06-09T02:06:26.000Z> graf: go sleep on couch or something ?
<2021-06-09T02:06:31.000Z> Guts: But my airbnb thing isnt ready for me to check in til 2pm. He gets home around 3pm so thats cool ig have a lot of time to pack
<2021-06-09T02:07:23.000Z> Guts: No its wayyy too hot down here plus hell give me shit. Everytime he upsers me and i sleep on the couch hes like so why did u sledp on the couch. I say why and he just does his "oh my god seriously?" And eyeroll again
<2021-06-09T02:08:33.000Z> graf: sounds like being around is just going to breed more animosity
<2021-06-09T02:08:57.000Z> Guts: I cant sleep lately anyway. Dont wanna see him either. Maybe ill just like leave before he even gets up and when hes gone ill come back and pack and chill. I do not wanna sleep next to him itd make me feel shitty. i hate when i have to sleep next to him after shit like this bc im like wow how can you sleep so soundly while im clearly.so hurt
<2021-06-09T02:09:31.000Z> Guts: I dont get it. At.times he shows he reallt cares. Last time this happened he hugged me.right away and said sorry and everything was fine but then sometimes its like he purposely wants to fuck.with me
<2021-06-09T02:10:15.000Z> Guts: Yeah i think ill just stay up and do that leave before he wakes up so i dont have to see or hear him then come back maybe nap before i pack n shit. I just cant even look at him rn this is the worst argument yet.
<2021-06-09T02:10:17.000Z> graf: if someone was truly sorry for something they've done they wouldn't do it again 
<2021-06-09T02:10:25.000Z> graf: I don't understand that 
<2021-06-09T02:10:50.000Z> Guts: Thats what i said to him. I said you say sorry and that you will make it up and make me feel more loved but then you do this. And he basically just said "youre making shit up" when im not
<2021-06-09T02:10:54.000Z> Guts: It drives me.insane..
<2021-06-09T02:11:47.000Z> graf: people don't understand the love people like u and I have for them. drives me insane too dw
<2021-06-09T02:11:50.000Z> Guts: He was like all this bc of a tiktok account?i said its not that anymore its about how u handled this and left me to fucking cry and beg you for affection. He literallh just said "i dont even know what the hell youre talkin about now"
<2021-06-09T02:13:22.000Z> graf: definitely reminds me of my ex defending her actions to hide drug use
<2021-06-09T02:13:25.000Z> graf: gross 
<2021-06-09T02:13:34.000Z> Guts: I know man. Like i love him so much i dont even have fucking wetdreams of other guys thats how much my brain is focused on only him and i always think of him i always do things to make him happy i always make time for him no matter what but here i am just second place to fucking porn and everything else. He always puts things above me bc "we live together. I see u every day. I tell u ur hot all the time. I say i love u every morning." Theres like a gap in understanding...i literally said cant you just love me the way i love you???And no reply
<2021-06-09T02:13:36.000Z> Guts: Yeah man. Idk.
<2021-06-09T02:14:38.000Z> graf: big difference between saying things and showing them 
<2021-06-09T02:14:47.000Z> Guts: Literally just walked away from me and left to get a drink while i literally was sobbing and hiding my face
<2021-06-09T02:14:52.000Z> Guts: I know.....
<2021-06-09T02:16:17.000Z> graf: I'm a very touchy feely type of person and any time I was with someone if I went outside or to the store or whatever it was always long hugs and kisses or asking them to come, holding hands on the way or whatever 
<2021-06-09T02:16:26.000Z> graf: people don't understand us
<2021-06-09T02:16:29.000Z> graf: I get u
<2021-06-09T02:18:15.000Z> Guts: And guess what. One time he made me sad. He makes me so sad i dont go to the dinner for his dads birthday cuz i couldnt stop crying. He comes back. Doesnt say hi or cuddle me even tho he sees im still crying. I say why are u ignoring me? He said "jesus. Im not. Im tired and worrying about my brother. He said hes depressed." Basically ended with me saying you can be concerned for two people at.once why are you ok just watching me cry? He said "uh yes im putting my brother above you. I dont get how you can cry after hours still." A month later my dad got rly sick, i was dealing w a prescription mixup and i was doing very poor at work. He goes "i feel unloved cuz youre not giving me much affection lately." I say sorry im worried about my dad and work and my meds but i didnt mean to ignore you im sorry and i love you. The next day he said those were excuses. Worrying about my dad was an excuse. I said so worrying about your brother over me is ok but when i worry about my dad its an excuse?he said yes.
<2021-06-09T02:18:36.000Z> Guts: Like i just dont get how you can be so cold like that i just want to feel Important.
<2021-06-09T02:20:19.000Z> graf: when you live with someone it becomes easy to mentally compartmentalize them because they are always going to be there and some people aren't capable of uncompartmentalizing sometimes.
<2021-06-09T02:20:57.000Z> Guts: Hes inconsiderate in a lot of ways he doesnt realize. One christmas i got him custom guitar picks w a drawing of him on them. First thing he says is "these are the wrong gage i cant use them" and he just constantly gives them away to people and when isaid that kinda upset me he said "babe i literally cant even use them."
<2021-06-09T02:21:57.000Z> Guts: I was like u can u just dont like to use that size im sorry i got the wrong one but u could always keep them on a shelf. He was like why? To just collect dust? He gives em away like candy and it always upsets me. That was a special custom gift for him 
<2021-06-09T02:23:00.000Z> graf: if that was me I'd have taken one of them and put it in my wallet and taken another and put it on my keychain there's all kinds of things you can do 
<2021-06-09T02:25:04.000Z> Guts: His brother got a guitar for christmas and he said i got some picks for you to use theyre sittin at my house! And i go "the picks i got you?? Noo those were a gift to you!" And his brother goes yeah dude thats rude. And my bf literally just scoffs and rolls his eyes and says "yeah she got me picks i cant even use." He was drunk hes always mega mean when hes drunk. The same night he called some.girl at the christmas party good looking str8 to my face and i said dont say that why would you say that to me dude. And he went babe seriously youre mad at that. I said yes why wouldnt i be mad my bf just said.amother girls good looking directly.to my face? Only after he said "youre being stupid as fuck" and let me go cry outside in the car for 3 hours did he go "i meant she wasnt ugly like the rest of my family jeez"
<2021-06-09T02:25:14.000Z> Guts: I know. Like...he rly just isnt very thoughtful..
<2021-06-09T02:25:22.000Z> Guts: I hope he can realize how much this is breaking me 
<2021-06-09T02:25:44.000Z> Guts: Cuz when hes nice and loving hes rly nice and loving. But when hes mean...he just completely shatters my heart
<2021-06-09T02:26:57.000Z> graf: you don't deserve it and I can tell it bothers u because u usually act silly to me and you're totally not rn
<2021-06-09T02:30:58.000Z> Guts: Yeah. Its really hurting me. Im just kinda walking around downstairs dreading the possible rage he might go into when i leave. when we fought before i went to the hispital and before he said sorry and everything, i just out of rage went "im going home and im getting my stuff and leaving!" And he said "like i give a shit!" And hung up on me
<2021-06-09T02:31:57.000Z> Guts: Like i dont get it. How he is so thoughtful and caring enough to like get me flowers, call me his wife to other people, invite me to everything, be rly affectionate and cuddly and ask me to do things w him and tells me he loves me every day and kisses me goodbye every time he leaves, but then he can say shit like that to me. It really fucks with me
<2021-06-09T02:32:20.000Z> graf: if you're going to do this you need to not feed into it at all. you can tell him you're taking a couple days but don't answer him because it will either make it worse or make you second guess yourself when you could possibly do better healing on your own 
<2021-06-09T02:34:31.000Z> Guts: Im just walking around downstairs rn. I wanna go upstairs and grab my charger and go for a drive with music to calm down but i need the charger so i dont get lost cuz idk this town ive never been here before i moved here but i like totally fear hes gonna wake up and get mad that im trying to leave at night. Thay happened before a loooong time ago when we first started dating cuz he said i was acting like a bitch when he was super drunk just bc i said i didnt like a band he was talking about and when i tried taking a drive to cool off later that night he woke up n was like dude what are u doing please dont fucking take off im gonna worry about u. Contradicting ur words there buddy...
<2021-06-09T02:35:10.000Z> Guts: Yea i was just gonna answer once if he even tries to see where i am that im just spending time alone for a few days. If he blows me up whatever. if he wants me.to not come back. Ok. Sad...but ok..
<2021-06-09T02:35:14.000Z> graf: just go be that sneaky Mexican u always wanted to be 
<2021-06-09T02:52:01.000Z> graf: it's raining outside and it's very calming might light a candle and lay in bed and try to feel happy 
<2021-06-09T02:55:23.000Z> Guts: I dont want to wake him or alert him if i go grab my charger. Ill just stay here til about 5. He gets up around 530. Itll be fine. Man...ive had one man just refuse to change his life to be with me after 6 yrs and an engagement...and now this? Am i so unlovable? I just want to be loved by someone. Even my mom wanted me dead. Its like no matter what...no ones gonna love me like that.
<2021-06-09T02:55:59.000Z> graf: nope I love you mars you make me smile, you just have bad luck like I do
<2021-06-09T02:56:15.000Z> Guts: God i spent 300 on that airbnb for 4 days and im about to blow thru gas bc of its 43 min from my work. Jeez.
<2021-06-09T02:56:33.000Z> Guts: I dont have bad luck. Im just destined to never be someones everything
<2021-06-09T02:57:01.000Z> graf: you are someone's everything maybe u just haven't met them yet 
<2021-06-09T02:57:26.000Z> Guts: But i dont want to meet them i want my bf to love me back as much as i love him :(
<2021-06-09T02:57:41.000Z> Guts: I only want him. Why does this happen to me
<2021-06-09T02:58:18.000Z> graf: you see what you want him to be in him and I think that's why it hurts you when that's not what he is 
<2021-06-09T03:00:28.000Z> Guts: Yeah...and hes just...not sensitive...when i said i dont like that he looks at that stuff he said "im a guy. I like to look at tits sometimes."
<2021-06-09T03:00:33.000Z> Guts: Like gee. Thats really nice
<2021-06-09T03:01:08.000Z> graf: if I had tits I could look at whenever that's what I'd be doing tbh
<2021-06-09T03:01:45.000Z> Guts: It hurts more cuz my mom was right. She always told me no man was ever gonna love me, ans that id die alone knowing that no man ever thought i was worth the world. 
<2021-06-09T03:02:07.000Z> Guts: I know...like...im right here...im always here...why do you want to look at anyone else..
<2021-06-09T03:02:29.000Z> graf: makes me kinda angry tbh 
<2021-06-09T03:14:49.000Z> graf: if you do leave come be my assistant so I don't have to deal with people like this midnightride.rs/objects/42138b28-010b-48c5-bfb6-f6a038a15685
<2021-06-09T03:14:53.000Z> graf: 😩
<2021-06-09T03:21:54.000Z> Guts: But not canadian citizen
<2021-06-09T03:22:10.000Z> graf: it's okay I'll hide u dw
<2021-06-09T03:39:34.000Z> Guts: Man i just wanna leave rn and sleep it off. I cant even stand being in the same house rn...but i have nowhere to go for that long
<2021-06-09T03:40:12.000Z> graf: take pupper for a walk or something 
<2021-06-09T03:40:20.000Z> Guts: This is like a final thing...if he doesnt even give a shit that im gone then i guess im better off starting over elsewhere with someone else
<2021-06-09T03:40:55.000Z> Guts: I could do that but my small bladder will fuck it all up lmao i have to pee like every hour. Id be fucked
<2021-06-09T03:41:41.000Z> graf: bring tissue and rock it woods style. I'd pee outside with u it's fun
<2021-06-09T03:41:46.000Z> graf: but it's raining here rn 
<2021-06-09T03:41:50.000Z> graf: 🥺
<2021-06-09T03:42:10.000Z> Guts: Ewy no. Its hard to peepee outside itll just get all over my legs n shit
<2021-06-09T03:43:21.000Z> graf: u gotta hang off a ledge 
<2021-06-09T03:43:28.000Z> graf: I'll show u the ropes 
<2021-06-09T03:45:23.000Z> Guts: Damn i just realized theres no shower there and only a porta potty.
<2021-06-09T03:45:30.000Z> Guts: How exciting.
<2021-06-09T03:45:44.000Z> graf: smelly girl smells 
<2021-06-09T03:45:48.000Z> graf: 😩😩
<2021-06-09T03:46:11.000Z> Guts: Maybe i can take a shower at my grandparents house and tell em ours is being worked on or some shit
<2021-06-09T03:47:08.000Z> graf: maybe I find cabin and do this too. take laptop and play gameing in the forest 
<2021-06-09T03:54:40.000Z> Guts: I lowkey just wanna never go back to work and just move somewhere else with a friend on a whim.
<2021-06-09T03:54:57.000Z> Guts: Id feel bad for leaving my family though
<2021-06-09T03:55:10.000Z> graf: see u soon
<2021-06-09T03:55:26.000Z> Guts: Not a resident of canada!!!
<2021-06-09T03:55:40.000Z> graf: that's okay I'll adopt u
<2021-06-09T03:55:56.000Z> graf: if I married you, you'd be one 👍🏻
<2021-06-09T03:56:37.000Z> Guts: Yea but i want to marry my bf :(
<2021-06-09T03:57:05.000Z> Guts: I wonder if itd work if i took a rag and a jug of water to like shower myself.
<2021-06-09T03:57:13.000Z> Guts: And my shower crap obviously
<2021-06-09T03:57:23.000Z> graf: yeah become one with nature 
<2021-06-09T03:57:39.000Z> Guts: Im just so dead inside
<2021-06-09T03:58:28.000Z> graf: when god closes a door he opens a window or w/esomething good will happen to or for u, I promise u
<2021-06-09T03:59:12.000Z> Guts: My head hurts
<2021-06-09T03:59:26.000Z> graf: Aleve !
<2021-06-09T03:59:30.000Z> Guts: Damn i just realized i get to workout in a cabin in the woods
<2021-06-09T03:59:32.000Z> graf: Tylenol is bad for u
<2021-06-09T03:59:36.000Z> Guts: Outside probably
<2021-06-09T03:59:44.000Z> Guts: I only have ibuprofen
<2021-06-09T03:59:47.000Z> graf: that sounds like a lot of sweat 
<2021-06-09T03:59:55.000Z> Guts: 👁👁
<2021-06-09T04:00:41.000Z> Guts: If this ends in a breakup, which i do not want but either he realizes this is bad or i leave...i shall try to visit graf before i leave to god knows where 
<2021-06-09T04:01:12.000Z> Guts: Bc why not. Might as well if im gonna abandon this job and leave
<2021-06-09T04:01:15.000Z> graf: you are always welcome wherever I am 
<2021-06-09T04:01:21.000Z> graf: where would you go tho
<2021-06-09T04:02:11.000Z> Guts: But i hope he realizes what is happening and wants me to come back...i want that so bad...I have 2 friends who are always begging me to come live w them. Ones in alabama and ones in new mexico. 
<2021-06-09T04:02:41.000Z> Guts: I just want to get married and have kids with my bf and have him only have eyes for me and care when im hurting...is that so much to ask for in 2021 goddamn
<2021-06-09T04:11:02.000Z> graf: thats so far !!!
<2021-06-09T04:11:23.000Z> Guts: Yeah. But i have nowhere else.
<2021-06-09T04:12:21.000Z> Guts: When am i gonna have the life i want with a husband who loves me so much hed do anything to see me happy and children and a happy life :(
<2021-06-09T04:12:22.000Z> graf: where is your family 
<2021-06-09T04:14:51.000Z> graf: tfw that's all you want in life 
<2021-06-09T04:17:37.000Z> graf: tfw that's all you want in life 
<2021-06-09T04:37:36.000Z> Guts: Im tryna change the location now cuz the host just told me some shitty stuff about the location so im tryna politely ask for a refund to stay elsewhere now lol
<2021-06-09T04:37:49.000Z> Guts: My familys just 15 min away but theres no room for me.
<2021-06-09T04:38:06.000Z> graf: what's shitty about the woods 
<2021-06-09T04:40:09.000Z> Guts: My mom is awful and has comtrol of all the money and spends it on drugs and random crap. They were living with my great grandma in this big house that had plenty of room for everyone. But she died and they had to leave so they moved in w my grandma and as of yet havent moved out bc my moms still choosing to leech off them and not let my dad access money. My grandparents house has a basement, and 3 bedrooms. My grandparents have one room, parents have one, ome of my brothers has a room and my other brother uses the basement. All my other family is moved out pretty far and i also dont want to tell or involve them in my relationship issue.
<2021-06-09T04:41:04.000Z> Guts: She said theres a bunch of animals, theyre under construction rn, that theres hella bugs inside the cabin, the ac is broken and the door doesnt lock.
<2021-06-09T04:41:25.000Z> Guts: And i was like bruh. After i spent $300 for this?
<2021-06-09T04:41:49.000Z> Guts: So im trying to politely ask for a refund and just stay in a diff place. Cuz none of that bs was mentioned in the listing.
<2021-06-09T04:42:13.000Z> graf: tell them you don't feel safe not being able to lock the door and would appreciate canceling 
<2021-06-09T04:42:34.000Z> Guts: The ac especially worries me not for myself but bc i have to leave my dog there while i work and i dont want her stuck in a tiny hot cabin all day
<2021-06-09T04:42:51.000Z> Guts: I basucally said that yea. Well see if it works
<2021-06-09T04:43:10.000Z> graf: 👑
<2021-06-09T04:43:13.000Z> graf: 🤰
<2021-06-09T04:44:16.000Z> graf: how tiny is tiny
<2021-06-09T04:44:17.000Z> Guts: She has yet to reply. If she doesnt soon ill just fuckin lose out on the 300 and get a diff place anyway. Im so desperate to have away time even if i cant get a refund
<2021-06-09T04:44:37.000Z> graf: that would be super shitty 
<2021-06-09T04:44:42.000Z> Guts: Oh its vry small. Its basically a box with a loft
<2021-06-09T04:44:46.000Z> graf: can't u get it back from bank 
<2021-06-09T04:45:11.000Z> Guts: I was fine w it but the bs she mentioned after i booked it made it like sound awful lol
<2021-06-09T04:45:19.000Z> Guts: Umm i am not sure
<2021-06-09T04:45:41.000Z> Guts: I believe its up to the host if they refund u or not and i think the service fee is never refundable
<2021-06-09T04:46:26.000Z> graf: that's cringe I dunno if I would even bother with that I'd rather maybe find a rental listing on classifieds where I can go see or whatever and give them an envelope with money and be like "k get off my land"
<2021-06-09T04:49:32.000Z> Guts: Yea
<2021-06-09T04:50:15.000Z> Guts: might just end up booking a hotel online so i dont need cash. Well see how it goes. I just wanna be alone
<2021-06-09T04:50:56.000Z> graf: you better talk to me or else
<2021-06-09T04:51:04.000Z> Guts: Mightve lost three hundo might get it back but whatever the case i need to be alone. Need.
<2021-06-09T04:51:11.000Z> graf: 😡
<2021-06-09T04:51:12.000Z> Guts: I just meant physically.
<2021-06-09T04:51:31.000Z> Guts: Ill def end up wanting to talk to friends and stuff. But i dont wanna see anyone rn
<2021-06-09T04:52:01.000Z> graf: I haven't been around someone I cared besides family in over two years 
<2021-06-09T04:55:26.000Z> Guts: The reason i want an airbnb is bc of my dog. She was like abused as a puppy so when she sees a stranger she barks. And barks. and barks. And i dont even wanna deal with that everytime i take her outside. Ugh
<2021-06-09T04:55:55.000Z> graf: that and a lot of hotel don't like animals 
<2021-06-09T04:55:58.000Z> graf: bc fleas
<2021-06-09T04:56:01.000Z> graf: and noise 
<2021-06-09T05:11:11.000Z> graf: im so sleepy but i want to talk to you and keep you company 
<2021-06-09T05:16:11.000Z> Guts: Maybe i can just have a chill day. Leave at 5am w the doggy. Maybe come.back when hes gone to chill. And leave again in the afternoon. Maybe take myself to dinner or something...at least ill have a nice anniversary by myself then..
<2021-06-09T05:16:43.000Z> Guts: Just anything where i dont have to see him...he has made me too sad this time
<2021-06-09T05:16:48.000Z> graf: I said I would eat with you !!
<2021-06-09T05:16:59.000Z> graf: just tell me when and what we are having and I will try my best to order 
<2021-06-09T05:21:23.000Z> Guts: I cannot have good food bc i am dieting 😔😔
<2021-06-09T05:21:46.000Z> graf: that's fine whatever you want I will try my best to get something similar 
<2021-06-09T05:23:08.000Z> Guts: I dont think i will be very hungry, as my heart is broken
<2021-06-09T05:23:40.000Z> graf: well I will try my best to make your day better tomorrow if u take the time to talk to me 
<2021-06-09T05:23:45.000Z> graf: hand 2 god
<2021-06-09T05:24:43.000Z> Guts: I probably will. Unless im napping my troubles away
<2021-06-09T05:25:09.000Z> Guts: It literally enrages me that hes just able to sleep like a baby...
<2021-06-09T05:25:46.000Z> Guts: After making me sob and then completely.ignoring me and my pathetic pleas for affection and sympathy.
<2021-06-09T05:26:10.000Z> Guts: Meanwhile im just wide awake and miserable
<2021-06-09T05:26:34.000Z> Guts: Makes me think of that cornyass quote. The ax forgets but the tree remembers. Truly
<2021-06-09T05:27:21.000Z> graf: that's the comfort thing i was talking about 
<2021-06-09T05:28:20.000Z> graf: turn down volume and look at this someone just put in my mentions 
<2021-06-09T05:28:22.000Z> graf: poa.st/notice/A86DoFwQh4txlFjTyS
<2021-06-09T05:28:25.000Z> graf: lol
<2021-06-09T05:35:42.000Z> Guts: Comfort thing?
<2021-06-09T05:36:12.000Z> Guts: Why is it jiggling so much
<2021-06-09T05:37:01.000Z> graf: he's sleeping soundly because he knows from past experience that it will blow over and no matter what happened today you will always be there when he wakes up. if you had left many times before during any argument like you are planning to later today that comfort wouldn't be there and perhaps he would be more worried 
<2021-06-09T05:37:09.000Z> graf: I would be if I let it get that bad 
<2021-06-09T05:39:11.000Z> Guts: Im sure he wont worry. In the back of my head i think he wants to get married and have kids w me because hes almost 30 and its time. not because he loves me that way.
<2021-06-09T05:39:34.000Z> Guts: Hell probably just be pissed if anything and ask me where i am like 1 time.
<2021-06-09T05:40:55.000Z> Guts: Even when i went to that hospital, he didnt send me one thing...i got out and texted him i was out and he said oh i was just gonna say i miss you. In my head i was like....yeah right you were...thats why i came out to nothing from you..
<2021-06-09T05:41:55.000Z> Guts: He even said maybe he just has a problem.being insensitive bc every gf hes had has gone off on him about him being uncaring. Yet still no changes.
<2021-06-09T05:42:16.000Z> graf: if I had your phone number I would probably annoy the shit out of u just because days pass and I'm like "I wonder what mars is doing" or I'll read our convo and want to say something but ur not around 
<2021-06-09T05:42:39.000Z> Guts: Trad man who only has eyes for me and wants to marry me bc he loves me when? :::(
<2021-06-09T05:43:26.000Z> Guts: Im stupid can u text like tht for free like u.s to canada
<2021-06-09T05:44:01.000Z> graf: I can but idk if u can
<2021-06-09T05:44:08.000Z> Guts: Cuz id reply more often but its just tht i still dont get message notifs for this idk why and so i just forget and then ill be like i have to msg graf back like 4 days later like a dumbass
<2021-06-09T05:44:21.000Z> graf: trust u don't want to bc I will talk to you like 24/7 and you'll get sick of me lol
<2021-06-09T05:44:27.000Z> Guts: Hmm idk either
<2021-06-09T05:45:20.000Z> Guts: No. I like talking a lot. The only person i talk to all day is my bf and my sister and my bf is making me sad rn and my sisters too busy rn doing birthday stuff bc everyone couldnt see her on her actual birthdat so its all spaced out theoughout the week
<2021-06-09T05:46:32.000Z> graf: it's okay im trying my best to stay awake and keep u company 
<2021-06-09T05:46:39.000Z> graf: laying in bed listening to rain
<2021-06-09T05:47:28.000Z> Guts: I mean u can sleep. ill find shit to do. Im trying to see if my plan has int. texting in it
<2021-06-09T05:48:02.000Z> graf: no I'm staying awake I want to talk to you
<2021-06-09T05:53:28.000Z> Guts: Its an extra $5 a month to do international texting i mean why not.
<2021-06-09T05:53:54.000Z> Guts: But its only texts no pictures or videos. No memes 😔
<2021-06-09T05:54:22.000Z> Guts: Thats why u need a fb or a snap or something
<2021-06-09T05:54:37.000Z> Guts: Whoa it shows my messages all sent twice idk if it looks that way for you
<2021-06-09T05:54:47.000Z> graf: no only once 
<2021-06-09T05:55:00.000Z> graf: it's ok I can just send u links 
<2021-06-09T05:55:49.000Z> Guts: i shall add the $5 a month bc im rich
<2021-06-09T05:57:01.000Z> graf: I'll pay for it if it means I can talk to u more I don't care 
<2021-06-09T05:59:59.000Z> Guts: No no my bills not high or anythjng in the first place its $50 a month lol
<2021-06-09T06:00:31.000Z> Guts: I got it!!! My numbers 1 517 215 2363 The best number combo in all the world
<2021-06-09T06:00:54.000Z> graf: mine too but I can call u unlimited and text u unlimited fo free 📌
<2021-07-14T17:17:27.000Z> Guts: Has my number been blocked by graf? 😔
<2021-07-14T18:53:16.000Z> graf: ?
<2021-07-14T18:53:19.000Z> graf: no
<2021-07-14T19:35:50.000Z> Guts: O it said message blocking active it wouldnt send me message
<2021-07-14T19:59:28.000Z> graf: u blocked me then
<2021-07-14T20:00:58.000Z> graf attached file https://img.poast.org/d36898eb7f71fe70688fe3ef44fa9dce23d674373b904e15ed8a86e3fee74032.png
<2021-07-14T20:01:21.000Z> graf: I dunno what message it attached to the pic but it's old. anyway 
<2021-07-14T21:31:01.000Z> Guts: Perhaps an error idk https://img.poast.org/52916bee7cc48249eb798af04eddd304a3ddd714abc60f5546de51e2e7716136.jpg
<2021-07-14T21:34:01.000Z> graf: it's fine if you don't want to talk to me i don't hold it against you
<2021-07-14T21:35:01.000Z> Guts: I DO THT IS WHY I SAID HAPPY WEDNESDAY >:(
<2021-07-15T00:01:42.000Z> graf: no block
<2021-07-15T00:01:44.000Z> graf: why you block me :(
<2021-07-15T04:38:52.000Z> graf: ok i go awy :(
<2021-07-16T07:40:46.000Z> graf: :((((
<2021-07-24T09:49:29.000Z> graf: i guess you hate me for some reason but i incorporated poast today so i can take on employees so i could give you an actual paid job heh
<2021-08-09T03:33:29.000Z> Guts: Graf get an oculus n play vr w me :(
<2021-08-09T03:34:21.000Z> Guts: Wait reply to this via text bc i wont get notified of it here 
<2021-12-16T04:07:47.000Z> Guts: Merry almost christmas graf :)
<2021-12-16T04:08:17.000Z> Guts: Im bad at communicating im sorry miss u my fren :)
<2021-12-16T04:08:34.000Z> graf: glad you didnt die
<2021-12-16T04:08:55.000Z> Guts: Thx covid actually wasny that bad
<2021-12-16T04:09:44.000Z> Guts: There was 1 day where i sweated a LOT, slept a lot AND had a killer migraine for 2 hrs. But that was the only bad day. I was sick for like 6 days and it was 99% just fatigue and being cold. 
<2021-12-16T04:10:11.000Z> Guts: What r u been doin :)
<2021-12-16T04:10:46.000Z> graf: working on poast and being with gf
<2021-12-16T04:11:18.000Z> Guts: 🥺 graf gf :)
<2021-12-16T04:11:29.000Z> Guts: Do u love her ever so muchly?
<2021-12-16T04:15:14.000Z> graf: yes. i stopped waiting for the one who obviously couldnt give two shits about me and i feel much better
<2021-12-16T04:15:27.000Z> graf: she lives in toronto and goes to classes there so i only see her on weekends for now but its fine
<2021-12-16T04:18:15.000Z> Guts: 🥺❤ im happy for u my fren. Whats she studying?
<2021-12-16T04:19:11.000Z> graf: art shit
<2021-12-16T04:19:14.000Z> graf: i bought her a drawing tablet
<2021-12-16T04:19:21.000Z> graf: like one of those display ones
<2021-12-16T04:19:54.000Z> Guts: Damn thats nice af. Cute :-]
<2021-12-16T04:21:34.000Z> graf: i also bought one thats on its way for here so she doesnt have to take it back and forth
<2021-12-16T04:21:50.000Z> graf: i told her i would pay her commission on stuff we sold if she draws designs for shirts and stuff
<2021-12-16T04:21:55.000Z> graf: she said no so i said ok
<2021-12-16T04:24:15.000Z> Guts: Some day some day
<2021-12-16T04:24:51.000Z> graf: we made like 3 grand in tshirt sales the other week
<2021-12-16T04:24:53.000Z> graf: it was wild
<2021-12-16T04:24:57.000Z> graf: over 11k users now
<2021-12-16T04:25:03.000Z> graf: the las time you bothered to log on we were at like 6k
<2021-12-16T04:25:04.000Z> graf: Pfff
<2021-12-16T04:27:12.000Z> Guts: Im sorry 😭 im a gay little idiot
<2021-12-16T04:27:53.000Z> graf: ur not supposed to say that
<2021-12-16T04:27:59.000Z> graf: ur supposed to say "woah thats crazy congrats"
<2021-12-16T04:28:04.000Z> graf: and I say "thank u"