<2023-03-15T04:28:33.000Z> fishsticks: Hey I don't want to bother you that much but I fucked up. I acted like a degenerate again. Like I didn't do anything I haven't done in the past for what it's worth but jfc idk why I keep doing this shit and this is another level of ugh. It doesn't even feel good its just like an insane intense urge. I just wanted to apologize for failing to live to your advice fully after all the time you put into it :(
<2023-03-15T04:29:10.000Z> Owl@nicecrew.digital: Well. Before we get too hastily into hating ourselves. As an overview, a generic overview, what's happened?
<2023-03-15T04:38:41.000Z> fishsticks: Short version is that I went on a date with a girl the other day, kinda gross but like in a "fixable" way, went full autism for some reason and just started spewing all of my more out there life goals (bunch of kids, homestead that sorta thing. Never say that shit on dates because it seems off putting) and she really played into it and something in me kinda snapped. Started making out later which turned into dry humping. Found out she had large body count and still planned a second date. That was today. Don't want to get graphic for obvious reasons but while I didn't go much farther than the first date it was far enough and I did it anyways despite learning she's worse than I thought before much happened. I don't even know why I didn't just leave tbh.
<2023-03-15T04:40:08.000Z> fishsticks: At least I'm still a virgin but like
<2023-03-15T04:40:11.000Z> fishsticks: >implying
<2023-03-15T04:41:20.000Z> Owl@nicecrew.digital: Fish. Look at it this way. How you're feeling now could be a lot worse because you had a lot further to fall. Don't let it get worse than this, remember that you have to live with it forever.
<2023-03-15T04:49:11.000Z> fishsticks: You're right. I just need to get ahold of myself. Personally, I think the scariest part of this for me is that I can feel myself becoming desensitized to it a bit. Like, I haven't done this sort of thing *that* many times, I think at worst this is the fourth time anything like this has happened, and while it does feel like shit, it's a bit more dulled. I don't know if this is a side effect of me just feeling emptier in life as time goes on just in general or a weakening of my potential pair bonding happening in real time. Even more concerning considering this is probably the worst situation so far tbh.
<2023-03-15T04:50:06.000Z> Owl@nicecrew.digital: I think you need to take some time away from women and reflect upon these things, because the alternative is that you'll ultimately end up going the entire distance. Is that the sort of moral failure you can afford?
<2023-03-15T04:53:33.000Z> fishsticks: I think you're right. I have a comical amount of dates lined up this month and if I'm being honest with myself only maybe a 1/4th of them could lead anywhere healthy realistically. Going to cancel all but the ones that seem like nice church girls and dip the second things seem wrong.
<2023-03-15T04:54:23.000Z> fishsticks: You're a good guy. Thank you for putting up with my shit. It means a lot
<2023-03-15T04:55:51.000Z> Owl@nicecrew.digital: I appreciate that, I do. But.
<2023-03-15T04:55:58.000Z> Owl@nicecrew.digital: Maybe look into cancelling those and taking some time for yourself?
<2023-03-15T04:58:46.000Z> fishsticks: I would be lying to you if I told you I wasn't very conflicted.
<2023-03-15T04:59:06.000Z> Owl@nicecrew.digital: That's to be expected, you're not perfect at all mate.
<2023-03-15T04:59:39.000Z> fishsticks: If only 😅
<2023-03-15T05:00:01.000Z> Owl@nicecrew.digital: I think that's what makes life really worth living though. How we work through our imperfections while shouldering adversity.
<2023-03-15T05:02:48.000Z> fishsticks: Well you're not wrong there huh.
<2023-03-15T05:03:54.000Z> Owl@nicecrew.digital: Life's hard. Don't make it harder and more complicated on yourself. Remember, it only takes once just to go all the way but if there's a kid that gets made out of it then you're really fucked.
<2023-03-15T05:07:40.000Z> fishsticks: For now, I'm going to cancel on everyone that I'm sure is only trouble and sleep on the one or two church girls (not literally) and decide in the morning. Deleting all of the apps after that no matter how it turns out. Also
<2023-03-15T05:08:14.000Z> fishsticks: >a kid gets made out of it you're really fucked
<2023-03-15T05:08:38.000Z> fishsticks: Well at least the birth control in the water is good for something
<2023-03-15T05:09:19.000Z> Owl@nicecrew.digital: HA. It's a good idea to get rid of all the dating apps though. It's not doing you any favors man.
<2023-03-15T05:11:33.000Z> fishsticks: They're legit addicting. Unironically worse than porn because it's a dopamine rush that hits you all day whenever you get a match. I would say idk how they're legal but you know lol
<2023-03-15T05:13:35.000Z> Owl@nicecrew.digital: We should all know by now that anything giving us that much dopamine and validation only serves to entrap us in anti-natural behaviors that completely undermine basic human courtship. The stuff will be the death of anybody's spirit. Nobody on those things is actually ever persistently happy. It means nothing to be liked by social media girls.
<2023-03-15T05:18:10.000Z> fishsticks: Completely agree. I only ever started using it after years of actively avoiding it (for the standard reasons) because my family basically begged me to. Kinda got addicted from there. At the very least, at least I'm ok at talking to women because of it. Trying to take a tiny positive out of this shit lol.
<2023-03-15T05:19:31.000Z> Owl@nicecrew.digital: The problem really exists around what those conversations turn into. Your family insisted on it but sometimes, defer to your own sense of discernment to determine good or bad. You're clearly a good guy with a smart head on his shoulders, start using that to make up your path in life. Expecting good girls on those sites is like expecting good girls on Pornhub. Not happening chief!
<2023-03-15T05:26:38.000Z> fishsticks: Well I knew it was bad even at the time, I just had a devil on my shoulder convincing me that maybe I should try it for a little bit and that push got me hooked despite how awful the apple tasted. Idk I'm just silly with my choices sometimes. Gotta be more silly in a productive way.
<2023-03-15T05:27:44.000Z> Owl@nicecrew.digital: I tend to spend my time when I feel any kind of negative urge just by dabbling in nice productive distractions. Push that stuff out of your mind. Remember, how and what you think is literally programmed into you, and over the course of time can be easily unprogrammed too.
<2023-03-15T05:29:50.000Z> fishsticks: I haven't really thought about it like that. Huh. I've heard the "do productive things" thing before but mainly in reference to reading as bible. Never could force myself into doing that but the idea is solid
<2023-03-15T05:30:55.000Z> Owl@nicecrew.digital: The Bible's a fun read when you feel like you're actually learning something that's applicable to life itself. Psalms? Ecclesiastes? Actually sick books. But you could put your time toward other stuff too, there doesn't need to necessarily be a religious slant to the thing.
<2023-03-15T05:42:56.000Z> fishsticks: Oh I know, I just meant that I pretty much only ever hear that advice when its framed like "if you wanna sin read the bible instead". I should be reading my bible but that's another issue all together lol. I have some achievable goals I've been slacking off on I'll try to use as my outlet. Going to try and get back on that horse basically. Fucked up a little because I could have massively capitalized on something before everyone else well over a week or two early but slacked off due to shit emotional state. Can't afford to keep doing that if I want what I want
<2023-03-15T05:43:20.000Z> fishsticks: Next time I DM you I'll make sure it's something less depressing btw
<2023-03-15T05:44:08.000Z> Owl@nicecrew.digital: Goals are an all day, every day affair. Keep to them, and build yourself up. No setbacks, no distractions, go full bore on everything you want out of this life. If you fail go even harder. Easier said than done though!
<2023-03-15T05:47:43.000Z> fishsticks: Of course! That's where I was a month or two ago before a disastrous set back that really put me in a slump. Aught to go all in again before I keep sinking huh?
<2023-03-15T05:48:09.000Z> Owl@nicecrew.digital: Exactly. Otherwise you just get caught up in the infectiousness of ennui.
<2023-03-15T05:49:07.000Z> fishsticks: I'm sort of there now. I'll get out of it however.
<2023-03-15T05:49:20.000Z> fishsticks: Thanks for the chat again, I'll do my best to live up to it
<2023-03-15T05:49:47.000Z> Owl@nicecrew.digital: Just don't disappoint yourself and keep on keeping on. You have the knowledge, it's just a matter of resisting the temptation. You've got it, in the end YOU control the say.
<2023-03-15T05:50:28.000Z> fishsticks: ❤️💓💖🤍