<2021-05-02T05:55:06.000Z> Xeraser: I'll try that before going to bed. I can't really cross my legs anymore though, haven't been able to do that in years
<2021-05-02T05:55:18.000Z> Xeraser: Seriously though, thank you
<2021-05-02T06:09:30.000Z> Xeraser: I'll definitely try that. I tried to think stuff through before but I was always way too stressed to deal with it properly. I got the exercise part covered (gonna get weights soon and hopefully I'll be able to go to the gym before I get the other hip replaced) along with the dog (although she's pretty old now and the thought of losing her just adds to the stress)
<2021-05-02T06:10:15.000Z> Xeraser: It's just really hard to not get overwhelmed by everything while thinking stuff through and trying to make peace with myself
<2021-05-02T06:12:46.000Z> Xeraser: I don't remember anything about the first time since I was 2 but the second time (I was 7 or so) was pretty fucking bad. The third time completely fucking destroyed me. It came out of nowhere over ten years later.
<2021-05-02T06:13:07.000Z> Xeraser: For the record I'm 22 and half now
<2021-05-02T06:14:14.000Z> Xeraser: I've tried to talk about it to my family but their first reaction was "do you want to see a psychologist?"
<2021-05-02T06:17:33.000Z> Xeraser: Anyway, I'll try doing that right before I go to bed
<2021-05-02T18:26:11.000Z> Xeraser: Hey, sorry, my internet died and I went to sleep after an hour. I'm giving my dog all the attention I can, yeah. And yeah, if there's something I'm especially bad at is accepting the inevitable and giving myself breaks. The first one makes me feel impotent while the second one is probably tied to my shit self-esteem. I'll try to follow your advice, thank you. My mother is (unsurprisingly) a che guevara-loving commie and knows fuck all about personal responsibility. I'm literally a mistake. She was supposed to go make her husband sign the divorce papers and they ended up hatefucking instead. Back when I was 10 or 12 or whatever she had me go to a psychologist cause she couldn't understand why I wasn't the little obedient robot she wanted and the psychologist basically threw the whole patient confidentiality thing out of the window. Nothing changed, of course. But yeah, I'd much rather take your advice than some money-sucking and uninterested fraud's. A lot of my frustrations stem from stubbornly trying to look for a "why" where there really isn't one.
<2021-05-02T18:26:44.000Z> Xeraser: I know there isn't a reason but fuck me that doesn't make it any easier to accept 
<2021-05-02T18:27:10.000Z> Xeraser: I did try relaxing and meditating like you described and it kinda worked. I felt a hell of a lot calmer
<2021-05-02T18:27:54.000Z> Xeraser: It does, yeah
<2021-05-02T18:31:38.000Z> Xeraser: Yeah, I'll definitely keep at it. And the funny thing is that my mother wasn't raised like that at all. She does everything out of spite for my grandmother (who used to be pretty fucking strict and "authoritarian")
<2021-05-02T18:39:36.000Z> Xeraser: Oh absolutely 
<2021-05-02T18:40:57.000Z> Xeraser: She tells me stories about the fascist era all the time
<2021-05-02T18:41:17.000Z> Xeraser: Although she still recognizes that he wasn't perfect in the slightest 
<2021-05-02T18:41:23.000Z> Xeraser: (he really wasn't)
<2021-05-02T18:42:09.000Z> Xeraser: I'll ask her when she wakes up 
<2021-05-02T18:42:54.000Z> Xeraser: Oh yeah, I'm not expecting anyone to be perfect, much less the leader of an entire nation 
<2021-05-02T18:44:46.000Z> Xeraser: Oh yeah, I've been meaning to work on my car. I don't have a drivers license yet (been meaning to get one for 3 years but the whole "open up, it's osteoporosis" thing happened)
<2021-05-02T18:45:05.000Z> Xeraser: I'm FINALLY gonna get my tires replaced 
<2021-05-02T18:45:18.000Z> Xeraser: She's been sitting in a garage for well over two years and it's heartbreaking 
<2021-05-02T18:46:09.000Z> Xeraser: You could take days to reply and i'd still appreciate it
<2021-05-02T18:47:21.000Z> Xeraser: a car someone without a driver's license shouldn't go anywhere near
<2021-05-02T18:47:25.000Z> Xeraser: a 1998 civic type-r
<2021-05-02T18:48:56.000Z> Xeraser attached file https://img.poast.org/84ac33d4a9bed6008be7483c355459cf1cccd1bfa58142acdc13c999b82254dc.png
<2021-05-02T18:51:16.000Z> Xeraser: Literally my dream car aside from the NSX
<2021-05-02T18:51:28.000Z> Xeraser: I was so fucking lucky to even find one in Italy 
<2021-05-02T18:51:45.000Z> Xeraser: Bought it right before the transplant at the end of 2016
<2021-05-02T19:05:13.000Z> Xeraser: Yeah I''ve drank 20 gallons of the honda kool-aid and i have 20 more to go
<2021-05-02T19:07:07.000Z> Xeraser: Oh no, don't get me wrong, the thing is in IMMACULATE condition through and through, the only thing that's wrong with it is that one of the stickers has fallen apart 
<2021-05-02T19:07:36.000Z> Xeraser: Although it's been sitting in a garage for two whole years do I need to have it checked and if there's any work to do on it I'll try to do it myself (if it's easy enough)
<2021-05-02T19:07:49.000Z> Xeraser: I have the manual right here but it's all in japanese (duh)
<2021-05-02T19:08:34.000Z> Xeraser: Just needs a good old bath, new tires (it still mounts the OEM ones) and a new sticker
<2021-05-02T19:09:37.000Z> Xeraser: oh and I need to take the cluster apart cause some fucker in the UK slapped a mph sticker on it and converted the speedometer to mph
<2021-05-02T19:13:13.000Z> Xeraser attached file https://img.poast.org/6f95e4ccc9675781e8bdccd6051308f81921685fb4f4b8359c38557987f4f4f0.png
<2021-05-02T19:15:08.000Z> Xeraser attached file https://img.poast.org/b3925b146856eed782f2886e40f63f0159e0047da3698abb06d6045498134010.jpg
<2021-05-02T19:16:56.000Z> Xeraser attached file https://img.poast.org/b45298e0db801168a808a45267f5677fab7583a39d93a000b8d44089b2b55524.jpg
<2021-05-02T19:18:13.000Z> Xeraser: the actual mileage is in KM
<2021-05-02T19:27:52.000Z> Xeraser: Oh man
<2021-05-02T19:28:05.000Z> Xeraser: Saabs are bottomless pits
<2021-05-02T19:29:06.000Z> Xeraser: I really like saabs too, I forgot which one I really liked
<2021-05-02T19:29:18.000Z> Xeraser: But the parts market is fucking dead
<2021-05-02T19:30:08.000Z> Xeraser: My ex best friend (a finn) really wanted one
<2021-05-02T19:30:30.000Z> Xeraser: Then he looked at the parts market and decided to hunt down a volvo 850R
<2021-05-02T19:30:54.000Z> Xeraser: the only respectable volvo
<2021-05-02T19:31:24.000Z> Xeraser: although my uncle has an old mid 2000 xc90 and it's not that bad
<2021-05-02T19:31:57.000Z> Xeraser: although it's literally 50/50 between compensating for something and family dad suv 
<2021-05-02T19:32:21.000Z> Xeraser: Yeah the 9-3 is really nice
<2021-05-02T19:32:40.000Z> Xeraser: If there's one non honda and non-jdm car I'm lusting after
<2021-05-02T19:32:44.000Z> Xeraser: it's the lotus esprit 
<2021-05-02T19:33:02.000Z> Xeraser: that thing is beautiful amalgamation of pure jank
<2021-05-02T19:35:25.000Z> Xeraser: and parts from other cars
<2021-05-02T19:46:52.000Z> Xeraser: Lexus makes good stuff but their selection is pretty limited (at least when it comes to affordable cars)
<2021-05-02T19:47:36.000Z> Xeraser: It's either the IS200 or the IS300
<2021-05-02T19:51:15.000Z> Xeraser: Damn 
<2021-05-02T19:52:42.000Z> Xeraser: IS300s are crazy fucking expensive here
<2021-05-02T19:52:44.000Z> Xeraser: Yeah, I will
<2021-05-02T19:52:48.000Z> Xeraser: Thank you for your time
<2021-05-02T19:52:51.000Z> Xeraser: Have a good one!
<2021-05-03T10:03:05.000Z> Xeraser: I've never looked into them to be honest. Although I remember that my uncle resorted to buying a handgun in San Marino rather than attempting to purchase one here 
<2021-05-03T10:18:19.000Z> Xeraser: Oh nah San Marino is literally a city-state
<2021-05-03T10:21:11.000Z> Xeraser: He probably had a permit or something 
<2021-05-03T10:22:15.000Z> Xeraser: Now that I think about it he probably got it in San Marino since there's no VAT there
<2021-05-03T10:39:57.000Z> Xeraser: Once as a small child. All I remember about that trip is that my forehead got very intimate with a flight of stairs.
<2021-05-03T11:40:23.000Z> Xeraser: My best friend was like "hey there's some guy throwing nukes at crunchyroll, come and see it for yourself" and so I did. Found the link to poa.st like a day before wyatt got banned 
<2021-05-09T11:35:09.000Z> Xeraser: Oh hey
<2021-05-09T11:35:14.000Z> Xeraser: Didn't notice your message, sorry
<2021-05-09T11:37:49.000Z> Xeraser: Yeah, it's helping quite a bit
<2021-05-09T11:38:13.000Z> Xeraser: although I haven't been able to sleep much
<2021-05-09T11:38:19.000Z> Xeraser: I got like 8 leg cramps in a row the other day 
<2021-05-09T11:38:51.000Z> Xeraser: sleeping
<2021-05-09T11:39:32.000Z> Xeraser: I used to get them all the time before getting the new hip
<2021-05-09T11:39:39.000Z> Xeraser: Idk why they came back 
<2021-05-09T11:44:30.000Z> Xeraser: I'm Italian, our economy's been crashing for the last 20-30 years lmao
<2021-05-09T11:45:28.000Z> Xeraser: Also some guy here got arrested for "anti-mask propaganda" and they stuffed him in a psychiatric hospital
<2021-05-09T12:02:07.000Z> Xeraser: We're in the middle of opening up but anything even remotely anti-vax or anti-mask will probably get you on a list
<2021-05-09T12:44:09.000Z> Xeraser: idk about them having a better immune system 
<2021-05-22T20:49:20.000Z> Xeraser: That's sick
<2021-05-22T20:49:56.000Z> Xeraser: Shit's going okay
<2021-05-22T20:59:05.000Z> Xeraser: Yeah I've been falling asleep pretty quickly and I've been more relaxed than usual
<2021-05-22T21:01:04.000Z> Xeraser: Well, we're finally opening up and things will go back to normal-ish soon
<2021-05-22T21:03:10.000Z> Xeraser: Best friend is gonna work at his aunt's beach bar for the summer so I'll probably go laze around with him
<2021-05-22T21:04:54.000Z> Xeraser: I never go to the beach since I hate the heat and humidity but I guess I could use some vitamin D