<2022-04-09T00:03:07.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: Hey bro, I saw your post about throwing out your weed. I hope you’re feeling better. I used to be a major weed smoker and it affected my mentality/emotions heavily to the point where I quit cold Turkey. I wish you all the best my friend. 
<2022-04-11T02:02:32.000Z> MisterLister: I am feeling better, I always do lol(This is like the fifth time). While I did suffer from the mentality/emotions bit even though I literally only smoked it at night time, never during the day, was that during the day, I see things that just straight up did not make any sense. Like on the one hand, its 2022, shit's weird and my life circumstances are a lil weird yadda yadda yadda but like still, I blame it for making me lose grip on reality and what's important if that makes any sense
<2022-04-11T02:02:46.000Z> MisterLister: I appreciate the kind words friendo
<2022-04-11T02:03:15.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: No problem, I enjoy our interactions here and I wish the best for you
<2022-08-04T01:51:12.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: Bro are you ok?
<2022-08-04T01:51:19.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: I saw your post about self harming
<2022-08-04T01:52:25.000Z> MisterLister: ;_;
<2022-08-04T01:52:34.000Z> MisterLister: I miss her
<2022-08-04T01:52:52.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: I'm not gonna judge man, I just wanna make sure my mutual is alright, y'know?
<2022-08-04T01:53:40.000Z> MisterLister: It sounds so fucking stupid I know, I'm  better than this and Ive gotten over this pain before but I miss her and I just can't take it any more 
<2022-08-04T01:53:43.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: I know that feel, had a girl I was close too but she passed of cancer before I could tell her how I felt
<2022-08-04T01:53:51.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: It's not dumb man
<2022-08-04T01:54:11.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: Emotions aren't smart, it hits like a fucking tidal wave. 
<2022-08-04T01:54:23.000Z> MisterLister: Today was so hard
<2022-08-04T01:55:00.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: I'm sorry man. I really am
<2022-08-04T01:55:00.000Z> MisterLister: She passed our son off and he did the thing again where he throws a tantrum and just want to sleep after
<2022-08-04T01:56:09.000Z> MisterLister: I wanted to go out with him and do things. I tried to get him up but he just wouldn't budge. And here I am just wondering... What the fuck did I do wrong? 
<2022-08-04T01:57:00.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: I don't have kids so my perspective isn't perfect but I can offer a potential insight as a former kid who acted similarly
<2022-08-04T01:57:56.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: Can I ask you something? You don't have to answer if it's too personal. 
<2022-08-04T01:59:04.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: Is your kid on the spectrum? I'm diagnosed PDD on the spectrum and when I was younger when I couldn't process my emotions or I internalized too much from the outside I would meltdown
<2022-08-04T01:59:28.000Z> MisterLister: Nigga I was about to tell you how she just recently broke up with her boyfriend (that I hated) and I thought it was the best thing to happen and while it is its the worst thing cause now it feels like I fucked up and I'm just going through the break up stage again
<2022-08-04T02:00:22.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: It could be that he's reacting to all the outer events, y'know? Stuff out of his control. 
<2022-08-04T02:01:09.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: I remember there would be times my parents would argue or something would happen and I would internalize it until I melted down
<2022-08-04T02:01:29.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: I think you're trying your best. Please don't blame yourself
<2022-08-04T02:01:40.000Z> MisterLister: He has not been diagnosed officially but I'm pretty sure he is. Not just from me acknowledging I'm no the spectrum and picking out some of his behavior that made me go hmmmmm. But the daycare he used to go to made a comment to the ex about it back in the winter time
<2022-08-04T02:02:36.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: I know with meltdowns (within the spectrum) it's different from a typical tantrum
<2022-08-04T02:03:18.000Z> MisterLister: Oh he's definitely reacting to the fact that his mom is now in a small dinkity basement and not a fully furnished apartment. He's just like me, he doesn't like change 
<2022-08-04T02:03:23.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: It's almost like overwhelming stimulus 
<2022-08-04T02:04:44.000Z> MisterLister: That's the worst part man. I don't want to blame myself. I know that the relationship not working was just as much as her fault as it was mine. But
<2022-08-04T02:04:48.000Z> MisterLister: I can't help
<2022-08-04T02:04:56.000Z> MisterLister: But blame myself
<2022-08-04T02:05:12.000Z> MisterLister: And overthink everything that went wrong
<2022-08-04T02:05:40.000Z> MisterLister: And think that I was my fault. Even if her family tells me it was her fault
<2022-08-04T02:07:03.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: I get it fully, the mind and heart can be double pronged. It can keep you going while wearing you down.
<2022-08-04T02:07:49.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: I know it's hard to hear now. But it's not your fault
<2022-08-04T02:13:24.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: If you really feel the urge to self harm, have you heard of the rubber band method?
<2022-08-04T02:15:13.000Z> MisterLister: I wish it was that easy to convince myself that it wasn't my fault. The worst part is that I've done it before with her but for some reason I'm having a shitton of trouble and I can't put my finger on why
<2022-08-04T02:16:21.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: I understand it fully, there's plenty of times I blame myself for things out of my control
<2022-08-04T02:16:25.000Z> MisterLister: Too late, cuts are already done and the worst part is that I feel better because of them. I have not heard the rubber band method and I didn't need to cause its been like three years since I've done something stupid like what I did tonight 
<2022-08-04T02:17:17.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: Essentially you put a rubber band on your wrist like a bracelet and snap it when you get the urge, slight jolt of pain but no injury
<2022-08-04T02:19:13.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: How are you feeling now?
<2022-08-04T02:20:21.000Z> MisterLister: If we're talking self harm here I think that this rubber band trick might be the trick to get me to stop vaping
<2022-08-04T02:21:05.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: It helped me when I was in high school/undergrad
<2022-08-04T02:21:06.000Z> MisterLister: Still fucked up but not nearly as fucked up as if you weren't to message me Mister Johnny and I can't thank you enough 
<2022-08-04T02:21:41.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: I should thank you for being my friend
<2022-08-04T02:22:09.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: from 2017 to 2021 I didn't talk to anyone aside from my relatives and they didn't understand me
<2022-08-04T02:22:24.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: If anything happened to you or anyone else here I'd be heartbroken
<2022-08-04T02:23:19.000Z> MisterLister: Nigga I literally just sent out a cry for help and you were to only one to answer and I've never met you before and this isn't the first time you've done this kind of thing for me you don't need to thank me for anything I owe you for like 3
<2022-08-04T02:23:30.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: And I get feeling that way, I used to headbutt walls and chalkboards, punched walls, drank until I got sick.
<2022-08-04T02:24:20.000Z> MisterLister: Drinking until you get sick is such a strange experience 
<2022-08-04T02:24:35.000Z> MisterLister: Especially when you know what you're getting yourself into
<2022-08-04T02:24:55.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: There was a period of time in high school where I was ready to throw it all away because I wanted to be a revolutionary hero. I don't think I need to specify what I mean
<2022-08-04T02:25:22.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: You're not alone friend. I'm not the best with talking with people, but I'll be there for you and others here
<2022-08-04T02:28:47.000Z> MisterLister: Man I still want to do that sometimes but om the one hand I have the little one and then on the other I don't think I could pull it off. But the weirdest part for me I guess is that I've also had that feeling for too long and that when I got "smarter" about my points in uni I also lost social skills that I used to have and that... Led to uni.... Bit being the fit for me
<2022-08-04T02:30:05.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: I'm not saying you should solely live for others, you do need to love yourself and live for yourself. But you should also live for your family and kid too. 
<2022-08-04T02:31:29.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: One of the things that kept me from going full psycho avenger was that if I was gone my relatives and loved ones would have to pick up the pieces. 
<2022-08-04T02:32:43.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: Not to put undue pressure, you're doing your best. You're giving your son shelter, food, stimulation/entertainment, and love
<2022-08-04T02:33:24.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: He may be dealing with outside factors. But he's not upset at you.
<2022-08-04T04:08:37.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: I’m gonna probably go to sleep soon. Goodnight friend, for what it’s worth I hope things get easier for you. Keep fighting the good fight
<2022-08-04T13:18:16.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: Good morning man, how are you feeling?
<2022-08-05T01:04:02.000Z> MisterLister: I'm just numb more than anything I went through so many emotions last night that it was like an overload to the point where today I just didn't feel anything but the chafing of my shorts on the cuts I did. Which was kinda nice in its own way but I'm pretty sure my partner in crime at work noticed that I was a lil "off" today and holy fuck am I going to have a time hiding these cuts like yes I fucked up in by cutting myself in the first place but I REALLY fucked up by making those cuts so close to my knee I have to be completely concious when I sit down or kneal or anything or else my shorts are going to ride up and show them
<2022-08-05T01:05:18.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: Numbness/exhaustion usually follows these kinds of intense emotions, at least from my experience
<2022-08-05T01:05:56.000Z> MisterLister: I really do need to say though, thank you for messaging me last night, I mean this from the bottom of my heart. It meant alot to me at the time and it still does knowing that some "stranger" on the internet just wanted the best for me and was willing to listen to my bullshit 
<2022-08-05T01:11:04.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: How could I leave one of my friends to suffer alone the same way I did?
<2022-08-05T01:12:00.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: It means the world to me that ever since I joined here you treated me like an equal, like a human. And not like a retard animal like many others have over the years
<2022-08-05T01:13:03.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: From what you described it wasn't bullshit, those kinds of situations can be really difficult and draining to deal with and navigate. I think you're trying your best to make the best of it and do well for you and yours
<2022-08-09T03:15:32.000Z> MisterLister: Johnny I treated you like a human because out of all the niggas on this site you're one of the few that actually seem human and I do do enjoy interacting with ya.And you want to know another crazy thing Mister Johnny? Today I thought to myself " I KNOW, My ex and I are going to get back together" and then a few hours later after that thought we had a phone call cause she needed a thing from me and I was able to provide said thing but still like it was a nice phone call. I was able to compliment her without it seeming weird which in my situation was a really nice thing to do, Like it was just nice to be like "hey, you're a good mom" and it fit in the convo and like I can say that we;re going to get back together BUT I know deep down its going to take MONTHS before we even kiss or anything like that. What I'm saying is I was down REALLY fuckun bad,  these cuts are probably the worst I've ever done to myself and even after you helped me I was still down bad but I just wanted to let you know because YOU were the one to help me through it: I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. the light is going to burn I know this but Its going to burn in a good way and I just needed to thank you again for messaging me when you did
<2022-08-09T03:17:07.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: I’m humbled I was able to help
<2022-08-09T03:18:26.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: I hope things keep looking up for you. 
<2022-08-29T02:52:45.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: How you feeling friend?
<2022-08-29T03:58:46.000Z> MisterLister: SHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEE SAID YES
<2022-08-29T03:58:49.000Z> MisterLister: SHE SAID YES
<2022-08-29T03:58:51.000Z> MisterLister: BUDDY
<2022-08-29T03:58:55.000Z> MisterLister: IM GOING BOWLING
<2022-08-29T03:59:09.000Z> MisterLister: WITH THE LITTLE ONE AND THE BABY MAMA TOMORROW
<2022-08-29T03:59:12.000Z> MisterLister: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
<2022-08-29T03:59:23.000Z> MisterLister: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
<2022-08-29T03:59:33.000Z> MisterLister: pray for me I don't want to fuck this up
<2022-08-29T04:07:43.000Z> MisterLister: Thanks for checking in
<2022-08-29T11:20:38.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: No problem, I’ll pray for your success. Congrats by the way!
<2022-08-29T21:33:39.000Z> MisterLister: It went so well
<2022-08-29T21:34:03.000Z> MisterLister: It went so fucking well and she herself said that we should do it more often 
<2022-08-29T21:34:09.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: Thats great to hear man!
<2022-08-29T21:34:50.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: I'm glad things went well
<2022-08-29T21:35:59.000Z> MisterLister: When my anxiety was kicking into high gear yesterday before I asked her I was like "Do I actually love her or am I just lonely". Today hanging out with her I remembered why I love her and it is such a bittersweet feeling but I'm on cloud 9 man. I was anxious for nothing the three of us had such a good time
<2022-08-29T21:37:05.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: That kind of anxiety is a killer, I know it all too well
<2022-08-29T21:37:29.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: Out of autistic curiosity did they have any arcade games or was it just bowling?
<2022-08-29T21:40:26.000Z> MisterLister: Pretty sure they do have arcade games but we were just bowling. Maybe I'm reading too much into this but when she asked me to ask her to go bowling last Tuesday I was stunned and then I realized that our first 'date' was bowling and that night was the first time we kissed. That is one hell of a realization to come to in an abatement chamber after slamming at plaster for a half hour in a hazmat suit. 
<2022-08-29T21:42:38.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: What's that saying, history doesn't repeat but it sure as hell rhymes
<2022-08-29T21:44:58.000Z> MisterLister: It does. Cause that night we had a third wheel but it was a friend of ours. This time we also had a third wheel but it was our little one
<2022-08-30T00:30:42.000Z> MisterLister: A week after I logged off I got weak and logged on cause I was scheduling poasts instead of just writing them down. There poast's in I saw that there was another 40k hell thread. Trying to dig into that I found out that there was an incel hell thread. The poast is doing a big think that shortly after I left because I want to "get my shit together" for the only woman I've ever had sex with, there was a hell thread that caused a nigga to delete his shit because of the "debate" of being an incel
<2022-08-30T00:31:48.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: Yeah I had a depressive spell that weekend because I tried to keep the peace and failed 
<2022-08-30T00:32:21.000Z> MisterLister: I don't fucking know what happened, I don't care what happened I just think it's insane that a hell thread that I would of for sure been very vocal in and pissed some people off happened when I was taking a break
<2022-08-30T00:33:09.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: It was probably for the best since I temporarily deemed White Jamahiriya to be dead, that’s how bummed I was
<2022-08-30T00:40:29.000Z> MisterLister: Jesus christ its probably for the best that I missed it, like from what I saw I agreed with both sides but I didn't see the need to argue with such hostility because of the situation we're in but at the same time we're online so I get why they argued with the hostility that happened
<2022-08-30T00:42:36.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: Yeah I was in the middle too though eventually I got kinda tired of the e-Christian side refusing to acknowledge how their institutions were as corrupt as those of “science” and that they should stop associating critiques of the institutions with “attacks on their religion”
<2022-08-30T00:44:21.000Z> MisterLister: Yea no fuck if you got in a depressive episode which I'm sorry about that thank God that I logged off when I did cause I logged off when I knew that one more black pill would push me off the edge but mostly because I get alot of dopamine from poast and I needed a break from that to (my house is the cleanest it has been in months and I partially blame it on my break from poast :D) 
<2022-08-30T00:45:55.000Z> MisterLister: Soo on the 17th of September, if the poast gets the traction that it might, don't log on
<2022-08-30T00:46:19.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: Your hellthread starter?
<2022-08-30T00:46:39.000Z> MisterLister: Still tentative tho my day back I want to get piss drunk and not have the little one and I think that the 17th is the day
<2022-08-30T00:46:58.000Z> MisterLister: I have some wacky poast's in line on the 17th
<2022-08-30T00:47:13.000Z> MisterLister: And some more wacky poast's that need a lil more work
<2022-08-30T00:47:28.000Z> MisterLister: It's going to be a day
<2022-08-30T00:50:31.000Z> MisterLister: And yes, my possible hell thread starter
<2022-10-08T01:05:50.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: How’re you doing?
<2022-10-08T01:07:34.000Z> MisterLister: Seriously considering going to an AA meeting when I get the chance so not good
<2022-10-08T01:11:02.000Z> MisterLister: I have never been under so much stress with things in my life. Finances, my feelings for my ex, work has all culminated into this crazy storm. two of the things are entirely my fault, the things with the ex are just weird but with the way I am I can't help but overthink shit and get too far in my head
<2022-10-08T01:11:15.000Z> MisterLister: and I blame alot of this shit on my drinking
<2022-10-08T01:11:16.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: I wish you the best man
<2022-10-08T01:11:31.000Z> MisterLister: actually I blame it all on my drinking
<2022-10-08T01:12:09.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: I overthink things too much too, I’m constantly afraid and paranoid 
<2022-10-08T01:13:24.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: Some of it is made worse by how much caffeine I consume 
<2022-10-08T01:14:28.000Z> MisterLister: And that's why drinking was working for a bit, it helped me shut my brain up. But because I've abused it, it has affected over things in my life way to much and just made the overthinking too much
<2022-10-08T01:15:01.000Z> MisterLister: I know that feel, about a month ago I drank waaaaaayy to much cofee and I wanted to just scream that was an awful experience
<2022-10-08T01:15:42.000Z> MisterLister: Like, I drink alot of coffee but I usually know when to stop. the jitters, the bouncing in my brain
<2022-10-08T01:15:50.000Z> MisterLister: that one day
<2022-10-08T01:16:09.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: I drink five hour energy in the evening and stay up
<2022-10-08T01:16:51.000Z> MisterLister: Jesus I don't go that far, the worst I'll do is an espresso at 5 or 6
<2022-10-08T01:17:15.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: I feel like shit that I can’t help people, it’s all I wanted to do but I can’t do anything 
<2022-10-08T01:18:04.000Z> MisterLister: I say that I don't go that far meanwhile in the past two weeks I've drank in the morning more times than I'd like to admit
<2022-10-08T01:18:22.000Z> MisterLister: Nigger that's what's killing me so much rn
<2022-10-08T01:18:36.000Z> MisterLister: my dad is in an insane amount of debt because of me
<2022-10-08T01:19:15.000Z> MisterLister: my ex isn't living the life she deserves to (When we first started dating she was literally the perfect house wife)
<2022-10-08T01:19:21.000Z> MisterLister: and its all my fault
<2022-10-08T01:19:25.000Z> MisterLister: that's what kills me
<2022-10-08T01:19:27.000Z> MisterLister: oh
<2022-10-08T01:19:28.000Z> MisterLister: and
<2022-10-08T01:19:43.000Z> MisterLister: my partner in crime is about to quit
<2022-10-08T01:19:48.000Z> MisterLister: at work
<2022-10-08T01:20:04.000Z> MisterLister: and when it's just 4 full timers its a big fucking deal
<2022-10-08T01:20:04.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: I don’t know how deep I should go because I don’t want to upset you, but I see things in the world 
<2022-10-08T01:20:25.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: White kids dying, the Boers in South Africa among many others 
<2022-10-08T01:20:53.000Z> MisterLister: Like first hand?
<2022-10-08T01:21:04.000Z> MisterLister: with your own eyes?
<2022-10-08T01:21:14.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: I wish I had the power to punish the bad people, that ability 
<2022-10-08T01:21:45.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: Just daily, on the news, online, in media 
<2022-10-08T01:22:38.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: Shit, I’m sorry man. You deserve better than to listen to a retard ramble on while depressed. 
<2022-10-08T01:24:52.000Z> MisterLister: I'm also a retard that rambles when they're depressed. But you're not just any retard Johnny, you're a friendo. We've never met and probably never will. But I do appreciate not only our public interactions but the fact that you're the nigga that will slide into my DM's when I'm down bad  
<2022-10-08T01:26:23.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I just left you to suffer if I knew you were hurting 
<2022-10-08T01:27:42.000Z> MisterLister: When I end up going to an AA meeting and if they ask the very specific question of "HAve you told anyone you're here" I'll tell em "Some Iranian autist I met on the internet, he's a good guy" they might look at me funny but I'll say it with the utmost confidence and staight face
<2022-10-08T01:29:05.000Z> MisterLister: We're all hurting johnny, that's why we're here on Poast.
<2022-10-08T01:29:10.000Z> MisterLister: *Johnny
<2022-10-08T01:29:58.000Z> MisterLister: I know every single one of us has gotten slighted by the system and we're angry
<2022-10-08T01:30:23.000Z> MisterLister: but we get some solitude in knowing that we're not alone
<2022-10-08T01:30:40.000Z> MisterLister: and it helps to know that there is solitude when there's people like you
<2022-10-08T01:32:16.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: My mindset is like Jason Voorhees mixed with Judge Dredd. Deep rage and a compulsion to see the bad people punished 
<2022-10-08T01:33:12.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: If I was a cop I’d probably do Magnum Force shit 
<2022-10-08T01:45:09.000Z> MisterLister: I know what you mean, if It wasn't for the little one and I was as radical as I am now I'd be pulling an uncle Ted or some shit. I'm pretty sure I figured out a way (with a crew of course) on how to get away with burning down multiple xxx shops in a night
<2022-10-08T01:46:36.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: I live for my friends here and my relatives 
<2022-10-31T23:18:11.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: How’re you doing?
<2022-10-31T23:18:53.000Z> MisterLister: I don't even know where to start man
<2022-10-31T23:19:38.000Z> MisterLister: I'm missing out on my son's Halloween and while I can blame it on myself I also blame my cunt of an ex
<2022-10-31T23:21:21.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: Shit man 😞, I’m sorry
<2022-10-31T23:24:29.000Z> MisterLister: The worst part is that I probably would of been able to handle the personal shit better if like, I made better decisions years ago
<2022-10-31T23:24:39.000Z> MisterLister: But I didn't 
<2022-10-31T23:25:08.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: All we can do is pick up the pieces the best we can and work with it, y’know?
<2022-10-31T23:26:12.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: My relatives worry about me too much because I got in trouble as a high schooler/undergrad due to being fucked with by kikes and then responding in my way to said kikes resulting in cops hassling me
<2022-10-31T23:27:35.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: And I used to be a heavy stoner from 2012-2017 which made things worse lmao. Point is, all we can do is live 
<2022-10-31T23:43:26.000Z> MisterLister: You're absolutely right man. The worst part I've reached a point in the night where I just want to enjoy my misery and shut myself off from the world and try again tomorrowI already phoned it in for tomorrow and I was honest and said "Hey, I overworked myself, got a flat tire that fucked my already fucked finances harder, and got in an arguement with my ex, probably not showing up tomorrow"My ex said that once I got home and calmed down over the fact that her other ex(that she knows I don't like) is coming to trick or treating tonight, that maybe just the three of us could hit a few houses once I've calmed down
<2022-10-31T23:43:44.000Z> MisterLister: The issue is that I calmed down after drinking too much to legally drive
<2022-10-31T23:43:51.000Z> MisterLister: I don't want my son seeing me like this
<2022-10-31T23:44:06.000Z> MisterLister: I haven't told her why I didn't show up
<2022-10-31T23:44:32.000Z> MisterLister: Why I didn't end up texting her or calling her
<2022-10-31T23:44:44.000Z> MisterLister: she hasn't tried reaching out to me either
<2022-10-31T23:44:50.000Z> MisterLister: which is fine in a way
<2022-10-31T23:45:04.000Z> MisterLister: cause I just want to fucking move on man
<2022-10-31T23:45:12.000Z> MisterLister: i just want to fucking move on
<2022-10-31T23:45:58.000Z> MisterLister: its been almost three years since we broke up and I still find ways to trick myself into things could work out
<2022-10-31T23:46:00.000Z> MisterLister: LMAO
<2022-10-31T23:46:12.000Z> MisterLister: i just realized
<2022-10-31T23:46:34.000Z> MisterLister: youtube.com/watch?v=VEViBL1LN-0
<2022-10-31T23:46:47.000Z> MisterLister: This song was playing as I was typing that last bit out
<2022-10-31T23:47:01.000Z> MisterLister: and it hits soooooo fucking close to home about how I feel about her