<2022-01-28T00:43:41.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: I’m sorry for making you cry Jackuu 
<2022-01-28T00:43:59.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: I didn’t like how they were shitting on mutuals though
<2022-01-28T00:45:05.000Z> Jackuu@beefyboys.club: They normally don't post on our instance, they usually keep their disdain for the worst excesses of TRS worship to private channels
<2022-01-28T00:45:21.000Z> Jackuu@beefyboys.club: We all don't agree on everything but fundamentally we're on the same page
<2022-01-28T00:47:40.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: I have a big dislike for people who do the “wehraboo” cracks. You’re a good guy so I apologize for Baath party rocking 
<2022-01-28T00:50:18.000Z> Jackuu@beefyboys.club: No worries, our beefcast is always open regardless of what Tay or Prude might say
<2022-01-28T00:50:23.000Z> Jackuu@beefyboys.club: Might be good for a laugh
<2022-01-28T00:50:55.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: Are you on that show or are you just on the instance? 
<2022-01-28T00:51:46.000Z> Jackuu@beefyboys.club: Unfortunately I work during their primary recording time slot but I'm part of their friend group, discord, and on the instance. I could hop in to their voice chat with commentary but since I'm phone posting the quality would be shit and that assumes I'm not busy at the time
<2022-01-29T20:12:02.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: Btw if you wanna read the 10 or so chapters of my rough draft so far lemme know
<2022-01-29T20:12:38.000Z> Jackuu@beefyboys.club: semi busy but send it and ill give it a looksee
<2022-01-29T20:13:51.000Z> RoyalJohnny242 attached file https://i.poastcdn.org/67cabda9305d3a211eae26434a4027444b208472e6141d6004d9f80b7d241b19.docx
<2022-01-29T20:20:22.000Z> Jackuu@beefyboys.club: a bit heavy on superflous detail imo
<2022-01-29T20:20:49.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: The gun porn?
<2022-01-29T20:20:51.000Z> Jackuu@beefyboys.club: ".22 saturday night special revolvers" id just say ".22's" and let the reader fill i nthe blanks
<2022-01-29T20:21:05.000Z> Jackuu@beefyboys.club: like right away when the junkies mug the guy
<2022-01-29T20:21:11.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: Ah 
<2022-01-29T20:22:46.000Z> Jackuu@beefyboys.club: like, if the protag is cleaning his gun you can go into detail, but like the mercs who show up after with 44's "much bulker gats than the popguns these shitheads were carrying"
<2022-01-29T20:23:12.000Z> Jackuu@beefyboys.club: keep the flow of the scene going, because isk whtt he fuck bulldog arms is
<2022-01-29T20:23:19.000Z> Jackuu@beefyboys.club: idk what the*
<2022-01-29T20:23:32.000Z> Jackuu@beefyboys.club: .44, big, boom, okay thats good
<2022-01-29T20:25:04.000Z> Jackuu@beefyboys.club: focus on whats happening, not so much the fine details of personal gear/weapons unless its of exceeding importance, like say a guy has a really funny/ironic patch on his armor the protag notices right away as hes getting his ass beat or w/e (cop i know has a "we accept EBT" patch, for example)
<2022-01-29T20:26:32.000Z> Jackuu@beefyboys.club: “Ok, ok…do I get a piece at least?” asked Sahin as Joel sighed, picking up a loaded Astra .357 Magnum revolver with a nine inch barrel in a handmade side holster along with several speedloaders filled with Black Talon rounds like all this is in a paragraph in itself but idk how it adds to the story
<2022-01-29T20:27:21.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: I get that, I tried not to be too vague like some of the horror/monster books I’ve read which go ultra vague like “the guy picked up a gun” I was going for a men’s adventure pulp vibe where they go all in with guns
<2022-01-29T20:28:22.000Z> Jackuu@beefyboys.club: be a bit more vague/generalized with it. "pulled a .44" "put the barrel of his .45 longslide over the bridge of his nose"
<2022-01-29T20:28:56.000Z> Jackuu@beefyboys.club: less detail, more terse dialogue
<2022-01-29T20:29:35.000Z> Jackuu@beefyboys.club: its a good setting/prompt and you can write fine
<2022-01-29T20:30:27.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: Thanks, I was going for “Yoshiaki Kawajiri meets Abel Ferrara.”
<2022-01-29T20:30:44.000Z> Jackuu@beefyboys.club: havent read either!
<2022-01-29T20:31:52.000Z> Jackuu@beefyboys.club: . “No funny business or I’ll shoot you both in the guts and leave you to die from sepsis. Now come on.” too verbose for dialogue in this kind of scene imo"move it you fuck" "fuck you!" "i will gut your fuckin ass here right now and leave you to die, move it"
<2022-01-29T20:32:22.000Z> Jackuu@beefyboys.club: people in this situation are pissed and angry and have no time for eloquence or grace
<2022-01-29T20:32:40.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: Kawajiri made a lot of gory retro anime like Wicked City and Ninja Scroll
<2022-01-29T20:33:01.000Z> Jackuu@beefyboys.club: ill have to check it out
<2022-01-29T20:33:29.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: Abel Ferrara made movies like Fear City, the original Bad Lieutenant etc. lots of sleazy NYC films
<2022-01-29T20:33:39.000Z> Jackuu@beefyboys.club: basically with your writing is what im seeing is a desire to make a rich and vivid scene but theres too much detail presented
<2022-01-29T20:34:27.000Z> Jackuu@beefyboys.club: dial it back when shit's happening, the reader is looking at words on paper and hallucinating their own concept of whats happening
<2022-01-29T20:35:20.000Z> Jackuu@beefyboys.club: i gotta take car eof my kid for a while but its good youre writing, more than I do anyway
<2022-01-29T20:36:37.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: Thanks for the advice man, I appreciate it. And don’t feel bad about not writing enough. Raising your kid to be a fellow White Jamahiriya-iac (TM) is way more important 
<2022-01-29T20:39:21.000Z> Jackuu@beefyboys.club: youre welcome! even the swere scene could be pared down a LOT, Sahin’s fear then evaporated somewhat into curiosity, ‘How did a crocodilian from South America end up in a New York City sewer? More importantly, how did it survive to grow about 45-50 feet long?’ he thought as blood and froth gurgled out from the miscreant’s mouthno one would think this way in internal dialogue, it would be "ah fuck" as the giant reptile made short work of the mugger
<2022-01-29T20:40:03.000Z> Jackuu@beefyboys.club: like i *get* what youre trying to do with detail but its way too much
<2022-01-29T20:40:12.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: Sahin: “Fuck…am I autistic or something?”
<2022-01-29T20:41:42.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: I was trying to go for an anime internal monologue type of thing. But I can see what you mean
<2022-01-29T20:42:58.000Z> Jackuu@beefyboys.club: trim superfluous/excessive detail or dialogue. people are terse, thoughts are quick, and perceptions are vague
<2022-01-29T20:43:38.000Z> Jackuu@beefyboys.club: would trim that down too, "the fuck's a croc doin down here"
<2022-01-29T20:44:15.000Z> Jackuu@beefyboys.club: like later on for introspection maybe but as hes watching a guy get munched hes gonna be shitting bricks and thinkin with his lizard brain
<2022-01-29T20:44:51.000Z> Jackuu@beefyboys.club: minimal comprehension, just pure emotional reaction and adrenaline
<2022-01-31T00:35:58.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: Is that Taylor guy from beefyboys normally this snippy? I’m trying to be good faith in a hellthread he started but it’s kinda hard when he’s talking shit to a good chunk of my mutuals 
<2022-01-31T01:47:07.000Z> Jackuu@beefyboys.club: Yes, lmao
<2022-01-31T01:47:32.000Z> Jackuu@beefyboys.club: Just be "lmao ok queer" back and find common ground
<2022-01-31T01:57:10.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: I went with a more amicable approach
<2022-01-31T02:09:57.000Z> Jackuu@beefyboys.club: None of us are really mean or hostile people it's just easy to get under some of these people's skins so they start projecting really hard with what they think we're about while not really understanding
<2022-01-31T02:12:32.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: I mean, I do disagree heavily with the criticisms of natsocs, but after the first hellthread I didn’t find it necessary to do a repeat. Plus I didn’t want to put you in an awkward spot
<2022-01-31T02:13:10.000Z> Jackuu@beefyboys.club: They're big boys, they can handle themselves
<2022-01-31T02:14:15.000Z> RoyalJohnny242: True, I’m a sentimental retard and if I can work things out I’ll try to go that route