<2021-06-22T07:33:50.000Z> Umlauts: Henlo, Freelance Elf asked me to pass this gmail of his on to you doctorzyo@gmail.com
<2021-06-23T11:08:44.000Z> JSDorn: Thanks brother
<2022-02-02T21:05:14.000Z> Umlauts: Hey, JS. I know we're technically "competitors" for the TPS competition but I've got a favour to ask. I need some input on where to end Princess of Agartha.
<2022-02-02T21:31:51.000Z> JSDorn: We are brothers first friend. I would be deeply honored to help you in any way I can
<2022-02-02T21:33:26.000Z> Umlauts: Well bro, some dudes see competition itself as 'sacred'. I'm more concerned with TPS getting as many stories as possible sent in
<2022-02-02T21:33:44.000Z> Umlauts: And thank you man I'll attach my latest draft after I make another poast about dragons
<2022-02-02T21:35:25.000Z> Umlauts attached file https://i.poastcdn.org/2fa6d202144fc29e2d671853b73ef4f15210edbdb8b8cedf189997264f2c9cd7.docx
<2022-02-02T21:35:42.000Z> Umlauts: And if you need any proof reading with your TPS story I'm more than happy to help
<2022-02-02T23:17:20.000Z> JSDorn: I'll take you up on that offer. I'm making good progress too. Thanks brother
<2022-02-02T23:18:12.000Z> JSDorn: I feel the same about TPS. I honestly don't even know what I would do if I won the contest. I love writing a good story and having people enjoy it. That's enough for me. Maybe one day I'll try to get a compilation of short stories published by AH if possible.
<2022-02-03T00:09:11.000Z> JSDorn: Okay so holy shit that's good. Thats absolutely mesmerizing. I see your problem. You wrote a self contained story, but you have just given me a thimble of delicious wine, leaving me craving more. 
<2022-02-03T00:17:54.000Z> JSDorn: It's only about five thousand odd words. A novella is usually anything under 17,500.  You could tie in a larger plot and still be within the limit
<2022-02-03T00:18:20.000Z> JSDorn: Or you can just leave us all hungry for more. 
<2022-02-03T06:21:28.000Z> Umlauts: Well then I have good news. I hope to serialise it.
<2022-02-03T06:22:54.000Z> Umlauts: The issue I'm having now is ending the story where it ends now or after another part where I introduce some more characters, world building and a larger plot
<2022-02-03T06:23:09.000Z> Umlauts: And thank you, that's very kind.
<2022-02-03T06:58:29.000Z> Umlauts: Because as my plans stand. This is right before a villain and a plot is introduced. Which I intend to do by hopping to the aftermath aboard the Beliskner.
<2022-02-03T07:12:17.000Z> Umlauts: Also, in regards to the characters. Do they all feel distinct and does dialogue feel natural between them? It's one thing I've been polishing after some of the earliest feedback I got (this is the third full draft)
<2022-02-03T12:27:28.000Z> JSDorn: Well I'm hooked for sure and can't wait to read more.
<2022-02-03T12:28:18.000Z> JSDorn: You could add some very brief foreshadowing to the end. That would be very appropriate. Doesn't have to be long as you just want to whet the readers appetite
<2022-02-03T12:28:59.000Z> JSDorn: And I'd say you've done enough world building for how far you've gotten. I wouldn't use the foreshadowing to add much more
<2022-02-03T12:30:17.000Z> JSDorn: The characters are somewhat hard to keep track of during combat. This is somewhat unavoidable. You should consider breaking the section up into small paragraphs. Can help the reader when you are switching from action to dialogue
<2022-02-03T12:33:19.000Z> JSDorn: English is your second language?
<2022-02-03T13:20:48.000Z> Umlauts: Technically, yes, I am ESL. Though I've spoken it since I could learn to speak.
<2022-02-03T13:21:48.000Z> Umlauts: And gotcha, I can show you what my original plans are once I get home
<2022-02-03T14:08:50.000Z> JSDorn: You write it very well. You've really smoothed out the sentences, syntax and grammer. I think you are very close to a fully polished product
<2022-02-03T14:08:52.000Z> JSDorn: Cool
<2022-02-03T14:11:06.000Z> Umlauts: Yeah I've spent a fair amount of time polishing it when I cant figurr out where to move next.
<2022-02-03T14:11:49.000Z> Umlauts: Also, think any further description of the Katafrakts are necessary?
<2022-02-03T14:31:07.000Z> JSDorn: No, I dont think so. You give us plenty to go on, though I'd love to see one as cover art. 
<2022-02-03T14:31:17.000Z> JSDorn: I think you have a real talent for world building
<2022-02-03T14:57:57.000Z> Umlauts: Centurianfrend, the mad man, threw out a sketch of Siegfrids Katafrakt based on one of my autistic sidebar posts the other day.
<2022-02-03T14:58:02.000Z> Umlauts: And thanks man
<2022-02-03T14:59:19.000Z> JSDorn: Ohhh, let me hunt for it 
<2022-02-03T14:59:56.000Z> Umlauts: It's in the thread with all my other Mobile Suit Hyborian Age posts
<2022-02-03T15:00:37.000Z> JSDorn: Ahh yes. I like that. Seriously good Gundam style kino
<2022-02-03T15:01:11.000Z> JSDorn: Your story would be such a great 80s style anime. 
<2022-02-03T15:02:03.000Z> Umlauts: Sending it to Tomino with "pls animate my autistic fanfiction senpai"
<2022-02-03T15:03:46.000Z> Umlauts: Well I blatantly rip off 80's anime so I'd be doing something really badly if it didn't work as a high budget 80's OVA
<2022-02-03T15:04:31.000Z> Umlauts: Though I wonder if modern anime studios would let the literal roman salutes pass lmao
<2022-02-03T15:08:21.000Z> Umlauts: Oh yeah anyway as I said
<2022-02-03T15:10:50.000Z> Umlauts: The original plan for a cliffhanger I had was continuing aboard the Beliskner, introducing Hermanaric, Father Brennus and a couple of other side characters. Have some character moments discussing the state of the world, implications of an Agarthan Princess introduce her properly as a character and finally interrupt it all with an Ashtar Trireme showing up with enough force of arms to severely outnumber them, introduce the villain and have the Beliskner retreat into the Belt of Hades to find more favourable ground to fight on
<2022-02-03T15:11:25.000Z> Umlauts: Now I'm leaning on foreshadowing as you suggested, with a quick description of the Ashtar ship approaching in menacing terms
<2022-02-03T15:18:01.000Z> JSDorn: Oooh, yeah that's all a good idea
<2022-02-03T15:18:58.000Z> JSDorn: You don't want to go into much detail at this point in the story, you want to wrap it up really quick and foreshadow the next bit, leaving as much to the readers imagination as possible. You can start the next bit with some action, the retreat, and then more world building conversations.
<2022-02-03T15:22:04.000Z> Umlauts: Yeah that's what I'm thinking now since the two paragraphs I've written on the next part just break the flow completely.
<2022-02-03T15:22:14.000Z> Umlauts: Hence why I got some writers block on it.
<2022-02-03T15:23:55.000Z> Umlauts: Also very tempted to write an exposition from the Princess PoV as a show don't tell in regards to the Doom of Agartha and how she ended up where she was found
<2022-02-03T15:48:22.000Z> JSDorn: That would be fun.
<2022-02-03T15:52:08.000Z> Umlauts: I just have such a strong image in my head of the sky raining fire as a veritable army of dragons and hellish monsters descend upon a glittering city.
<2022-02-03T15:52:26.000Z> Umlauts: (and it's technically their fautl)
<2022-02-03T15:53:31.000Z> Umlauts: Also got an idea for a short story following the last ride of Hyperborean Mammoth riders on Europa where they end up fighting Katafrakts.
<2022-02-03T15:53:47.000Z> JSDorn: So much kino
<2022-02-03T15:53:52.000Z> JSDorn: Your like a kino factory
<2022-02-03T15:54:54.000Z> Umlauts: Look at one point I literally want to write a series titled "Ashtar delenda est" that basically follows the Punic Wars between Ashtar and Augusta
<2022-02-03T15:55:56.000Z> Umlauts: >tfw you write a villain faction so vile you want to see it toppled yourself
<2022-02-03T15:56:00.000Z> JSDorn: Based
<2022-02-03T15:56:29.000Z> Umlauts: Just want to write a space Roman in a giant robot raising the Cross over a toppled pagan temple
<2022-02-03T15:58:28.000Z> Umlauts: Also, the very villain I intend to introduce to oppose Siegfrid, known for being a particular persecutor of Christians. I plan on having a road to Damascus moment and ending up becoming a missionary to Ashtar
<2022-02-03T16:03:19.000Z> JSDorn: Ooooh. 
<2022-02-03T16:04:24.000Z> Umlauts: Oh and speaking of kino, I planned on revealing that Siegfrid was part of the opfor in the Last Ride of the Hyperboreans to contrast between civilized and barbarian honor cultures
<2022-02-03T16:05:52.000Z> Umlauts: Yeah dude, just the idea of a genetically engineered super human who believes himself to be a literal demigod, born out of a tank and used as an effective warrior slave for an evil priesthood repenting of his evil deeds and becoming a missionary appeals so much more than just killing him in combat
<2022-02-03T17:13:17.000Z> JSDorn: Lol
<2022-02-03T17:16:27.000Z> Umlauts: Worldbuilding thread is just the tip of the iceberg in terms of autism I've put into this lmao
<2022-02-03T17:25:47.000Z> JSDorn: The setting feels very wide and deep, 
<2022-02-03T17:28:43.000Z> Umlauts: >wide and deep>setting document is just 4.8k wordsIt's funny how much you can cover up a potemkin village with evocative language lmao
<2022-02-03T17:31:35.000Z> JSDorn: Yes lol a good writer can do that. 
<2022-02-03T17:44:05.000Z> Umlauts: Also a very good world building technique to use until you've filled out the guts of your setting.
<2022-02-03T18:05:23.000Z> JSDorn: Yeah that's what I try to do. Though I have a hard time keeping a lot of details in my head and can only make it work with extensive notes. I'm still not quite ready to do a full novel like that.
<2022-02-03T18:30:11.000Z> Umlauts: I'm used to doing a lot of note keeping, worldbuilding and campaign design for playing ttrpg's so it's much the same for me when it comes to world building for novels/novellas
<2022-02-03T18:30:22.000Z> Umlauts: Basically treat it as the same tbh.
<2022-02-03T18:31:25.000Z> Umlauts: Back when I was still into 40gay I farted out 20-30k words over a weekend of worldbuilding for a sector of space I used to run my games in there.
<2022-02-03T18:34:40.000Z> JSDorn: That is quite prodigious. I get stuck down rabbit holes and end up putting too much into the story and losing the narrative flow.
<2022-02-03T18:37:03.000Z> Umlauts: Yeah I don't have much experience with applying world building to written narratives. Princess of Agartha is really my first serious attempt at it. Just gotta learn how to limit your own autism I reckon.
<2022-02-03T19:33:41.000Z> Umlauts: "In the stars, a dot of light was drawing nearer the cheers and celebrations of the Goethar and men of Thelos on the comets surface. Coming out of the wan light of the Sun, its fully extended star sails carried the Trireme on the solar winds forward with immense speed. Like a blade hid inside a cloak it approached, hidden by its low emissions among the background radiation of the void. Atop its prow a solitary Katafrakt proudly stood, watching the horizon like a hunter of old. Bedecked in red livery with bronzed details adorning its horned helm and quad wing-thrusters, it bore the Morning Star encircled by a winged serpent devouring its tail. The mark of Ashtar, greatest and most decadent of Sol’s kingdoms."
<2022-02-03T19:33:48.000Z> Umlauts: So I think I figured out how to end it.
<2022-02-03T20:19:33.000Z> JSDorn: Ooooh I like it
<2022-02-03T20:23:42.000Z> Umlauts: I think red giant robot is enough indication these are the bad guys lmao
<2022-02-03T20:54:38.000Z> JSDorn: Lol I like the "greatest and most decadent" too
<2022-02-03T20:55:15.000Z> Umlauts: ASHTAR
<2022-02-03T20:55:17.000Z> Umlauts: DELENDA
<2022-02-03T20:55:17.000Z> Umlauts: EST
<2022-02-03T20:58:01.000Z> Umlauts: What kind of incompetent retards let their warrior caste, who they've literally spat in the face of God to create, go fucking soft because they let them act live like a bunch of hedonistic shitheels all the time
<2022-02-03T20:58:16.000Z> Umlauts: The sorceror priests (jews) of Ashtar that's who.
<2022-02-03T21:07:13.000Z> Umlauts: Oh yeah I didn't ask. What did you think of the dream/blood memory sequences?
<2022-02-04T03:31:50.000Z> JSDorn: Those seemed to fit in seamlessly to the entire narrative.
<2022-02-04T08:37:45.000Z> Umlauts: Based. I want to include them to strongly imply blood descent of previous dragon slayers and barbarian peoples.
<2022-02-04T08:38:44.000Z> Umlauts: Also to connect to Siegfrids (not yet shown) fascination with horses, which he believes to be a mythical creature.
<2022-02-04T08:39:59.000Z> Umlauts: Planned originally having him die on Earths surface watching a herd of horses play on the steppe, but I'm not sure if that's what I'll do now.
<2022-02-04T08:51:01.000Z> Umlauts: Also how's your story going?
<2022-02-04T15:57:49.000Z> JSDorn: Pretty good. I think I know how I'm going to finish it now and have it maybe about a quarter drafted. It's probably going to be long. Maybe 12k words. I am very excited about it. Ironically it starts out very similar to yours, a knight fighting a dragon to save a princess and her people. But it gets more complicated than that. The reader soon learns that the princess and her people have been cursed, by the knights deceased Lord no less, to slowly become robots as a punishment for unleashing a robot uprising by accident. She begs him to help them break the curse.
<2022-02-04T15:58:58.000Z> JSDorn: He's torn between his love for the princess and his desire to honor his dear departed Lord. Hes going to end up getting swallowed by some sort of space whale for three days and relives the story of Jonah, realizes he must be an instrument of God's mercy and finds a way to break the curse, though it will cost him
<2022-02-04T16:18:05.000Z> Umlauts: inb4 most of the TPS contest is some form of mecha fiction lmao
<2022-02-04T16:18:24.000Z> Umlauts: And that sounds real cool. Cursed to become robots in what way?
<2022-02-04T16:18:53.000Z> Umlauts: 'Magical' or a more visceral kind of forced cyborg conversion?
<2022-02-04T16:35:27.000Z> JSDorn: Magical cyborg conversion. The princess left side is all mechanical and once her heart becomes mechanical she can't love anymore
<2022-02-04T16:41:42.000Z> Umlauts: That sounds like something straight out of a fairytale.
<2022-02-04T16:41:50.000Z> Umlauts: Based.
<2022-02-04T16:42:53.000Z> Umlauts: I assume the mechanization of the heart basically removes their ability to be human and makes them 'soul less'?
<2022-02-04T16:43:19.000Z> Umlauts: Since being unable to love would also mean you're unable to love God.
<2022-02-04T16:46:21.000Z> JSDorn: Yes. They become machines and have no souls
<2022-02-04T16:47:05.000Z> JSDorn: Yeah man, going for a timeless vibe. The dragon is a major plot element that returns at the end. The hero has to defeat it one last time.
<2022-02-04T17:08:03.000Z> Umlauts: VERY kino
<2022-02-04T17:08:23.000Z> Umlauts: Just hearing this makes me want to see what other stuff will be sent in.
<2022-02-04T17:09:20.000Z> Umlauts: If there's more guys who picked up on a similar theme of well, classical story telling (for lack of a better word) and anti-transhumanism.
<2022-02-04T19:10:08.000Z> JSDorn: Yeah I think this is a huge untapped well of potential, this sort of storytelling. The fact that you and independently grabbed similar themes tell me there is some king of subconscious Schelling point we're all hitting on
<2022-02-04T19:12:24.000Z> Umlauts: Definitely something to it
<2022-02-04T19:12:54.000Z> Umlauts: Animetradcath asked my permission yesterday to write a story in Mobile Suit Hyborian Age because he also has had similar ideas.
<2022-02-04T19:13:02.000Z> Umlauts: So I gave him all my setting notes and my blessing.
<2022-02-04T19:13:30.000Z> Umlauts: Absolute stroke of genious by Myles to put this competition up and just get dudes writing tbh
<2022-02-04T19:48:16.000Z> JSDorn: Your a kind man. I can't blame him though. 
<2022-02-04T19:51:52.000Z> Umlauts: Well I just hope it's to any use. My notes have a lot of underlying assumptions I don't necessarily explain.
<2022-02-04T19:52:45.000Z> Umlauts: THose setting notes are intended to become a function ttrpg setting at one point though. They're just not in that state now.
<2022-02-04T20:42:01.000Z> JSDorn: You may be asked to flesh that out at some point. If we are all gonna start converging our stories into a coherent universe I think your world building has already laid a wonderful foundation for it. Way cooler than 40k, which was the objective.
<2022-02-04T20:42:50.000Z> Umlauts: I fully intend to. Just gonna take some time. I expect to have something a bit barebones and usable come summer.
<2022-02-04T20:52:34.000Z> Umlauts: Just sent in the finished version of Princess of Agartha
<2022-02-04T20:52:39.000Z> Umlauts: OH BOY, HERE WE GO
<2022-02-04T21:13:39.000Z> Umlauts: Also, the finished version. As a thank you for the feedback brother. https://i.poastcdn.org/7a1ac954983669d0cd380639dbc0479f4c370c26965686e33e28ca63bfd035dc.docx
<2022-02-04T21:23:54.000Z> JSDorn: Thank you brother I will enjoy it tonight after dinner. You've helped motivate and inspire me to finish mine as quickly as possible too.
<2022-02-04T21:23:59.000Z> JSDorn: So I can return the favor
<2022-02-04T21:24:19.000Z> Umlauts: Can't wait to read it brother.
<2022-02-08T19:29:24.000Z> JSDorn: So I wasn't sure if I was gonna have Mecha or not but there's no good reason not to. So yeah I have Mecha in mine too. 
<2022-02-08T19:30:26.000Z> JSDorn: It's funny but in my notes, I had the idea of using the name "cataphract" for a class of space craft. Had already discarded it by the time I read your story
<2022-02-08T19:30:53.000Z> JSDorn: My mecha are called Lorica, Lorica Automatica. 
<2022-02-08T19:59:17.000Z> Umlauts: It's funny because I also considered using "Lorica" as a term lmao
<2022-02-08T20:00:03.000Z> Umlauts: Tried for "Mobile Lorica" or something like it but I couldn't just get it to flow.
<2022-02-08T20:15:56.000Z> Umlauts: Oh also, I don't know if you've gone autist enough to fully conceptualise warfare in your story. But concieving of mecha as filling a distinct role in a panoply of arms makes it a lot easier to think and write about them.
<2022-02-08T20:16:18.000Z> Umlauts: For example, my mecha are heavy cavalry, Mobile Suits are WW2 carrier based fighters
<2022-02-08T20:17:58.000Z> Umlauts: I initially concieved of them as (super) heavy infantry but that didn't pan out with the world building I did in regards to infantry combat.
<2022-02-08T20:31:43.000Z> JSDorn: Lol
<2022-02-08T20:33:49.000Z> JSDorn: I think the future is bright for the conceptual universe we are building. In my setting, the Lorica are not the only way to fight in space, but are incredibly versatile, and able to take on different roles. The hero will be using his as shock cavalry, but there are also some depicted as skirmishers, essentially slingers. 
<2022-02-08T20:35:33.000Z> Umlauts: >but are incredibly versatile, and able to take on different roles.Yeah so we're both drawing on the justifications for Mobile Suits in Gundam lmao. A humanoid warmachine can better switch from combat in space habitats to open space than space aircraft etc.
<2022-02-08T20:36:47.000Z> Umlauts: And absolutely. I think the difficulty is going to be weaving things together, as I doubt there's gonna be as much synchronicity as there is between us fellow mecha posters.
<2022-02-08T20:37:51.000Z> JSDorn: The Mecha posters will lead the way through an unrivaled and irresistible aesthetic
<2022-02-08T20:38:21.000Z> JSDorn: Mobile suits are just too awesome
<2022-02-08T20:38:45.000Z> Umlauts: THROUGH GIANT ROBOT
<2022-02-08T20:38:51.000Z> Umlauts: SOULS WILL BE UNSHACKLED FROM GRAVITY
<2022-02-08T20:48:50.000Z> JSDorn: SOON BROTHER
<2022-02-08T20:52:18.000Z> Umlauts: Honestly curious what the other submissions will be.
<2022-02-08T20:52:42.000Z> Umlauts: Only heard of yours and one 'Christ is Lord' is writing.
<2022-02-08T21:00:10.000Z> JSDorn: I think Animetradcath is doing one too
<2022-02-08T21:00:53.000Z> JSDorn: Sci Fi is a hard genre to do from our point of view I think. You really have to start the genre over from scratch, or import themes from nonpozzed stuff like Mecha anime. Or do both
<2022-02-08T21:01:55.000Z> Umlauts: True. Which is why I wrote Princess of Agartha like a fantasy story (same with the world building, do need a proper name for the setting)
<2022-02-08T21:30:14.000Z> Umlauts: SHIT
<2022-02-08T21:30:18.000Z> Umlauts: I HAD A GREAT IDEA FOR A SHORT STORY
<2022-02-08T21:30:23.000Z> Umlauts: KATAFRAKT GLADIATORS
<2022-02-08T23:37:38.000Z> JSDorn: 😯 oooh, a battle royale between tribes, a sort of ancient reenactment of a moot
<2022-02-09T08:30:26.000Z> Umlauts: I was more thinking actual gladiators. Since there is a space Rome.
<2022-02-09T12:08:43.000Z> JSDorn: Very kino
<2022-02-10T08:41:43.000Z> Umlauts: >tfw I'm tempted to make -the- Tiamat possessing a cyber-nephilim body the true ruler of Ashtar which the priesthood placates with a thousand sacrifices a day
<2022-02-10T13:56:06.000Z> JSDorn: Your welcome brother
<2022-02-10T13:56:39.000Z> JSDorn: Maybe add a little Queen Dido and make her a spurned lover too
<2022-02-10T13:59:28.000Z> Umlauts: That works, but I was going to treat her as the source of all the myths of draconic mother of monsters involved in a lot of Chaoskampf myths. Known by many names as it were.
<2022-02-10T13:59:59.000Z> Umlauts: Which makes it somewhat funny in that Siegfrid killed one of her children lmao
<2022-02-10T14:13:46.000Z> JSDorn: Lol poetry within poetry
<2022-02-10T14:14:31.000Z> JSDorn: And isn't Lucifer a bit of a spurned love too? That God would love man so much?
<2022-02-10T14:22:54.000Z> Umlauts: I lay on direct mythological references and recurrences so heavily in Princess of Agartha and my world building that I wonder how quickly it'll take for me to being accused of a "rip off fraud" lmao
<2022-02-10T14:23:29.000Z> Umlauts: And kind of. My impression of the devils resentment is closer to that of a jealous sibling than a lover.
<2022-02-10T16:11:31.000Z> JSDorn: I would agree, though the devil taints all, so who knows.
<2022-02-10T16:11:56.000Z> JSDorn: Your stuff doesn't read like a rip off, it's using familiar elements but mixing them in a way nobody else has dared
<2022-02-10T16:15:23.000Z> Umlauts: I wouldn't go that far with "nobody else has dared". I expect a lot of mouth breathers to come out and start accusing me off ripping off 40k because of the way I phrase myself around technology and for them to miss the much more obvious and blatant rip off of say.... Pacific Rim.
<2022-02-10T16:16:23.000Z> Umlauts: Most people are way too historically illiterate to see how copy pasted the historical pastiches are lmao
<2022-02-10T16:16:32.000Z> Umlauts: And they're arguably the most 1:1 rip offs.
<2022-02-10T17:40:31.000Z> JSDorn: Yes. No joke. Knowing history and ancient myth is like knowing Latin. You see the "deep" lore in everything. 
<2022-02-10T17:41:28.000Z> JSDorn: I haven't had enough exposure to 40K to really even know what's a rip off and what isn't. If anyone says I'm ripping off 40K i literally can't.
<2022-02-10T17:42:03.000Z> Umlauts: >anon reads a wiki article about the bronze age>WOW UMLAUT WAS A HACK ALL ALONG
<2022-02-10T17:42:28.000Z> Umlauts: 40gay nerds claims everyone ripped off 40k because 40k ripped everyone off and is incredibly derivative
<2022-02-10T17:43:36.000Z> Umlauts: ANd honestly reading history and myth is one of the things that killed all my desire to attempt novelty and originality with any seriousness at it.
<2022-02-10T17:43:46.000Z> Umlauts: There is nothing new under the Sun is unironically true.
<2022-02-10T17:44:01.000Z> Umlauts: So it's better to do something well rather than novel.
<2022-02-10T17:48:43.000Z> JSDorn: Exactly.
<2022-02-10T17:50:11.000Z> JSDorn: We use the myths out of love and respect. Not because we want to look cool
<2022-02-10T17:51:13.000Z> Umlauts: THey're also a lot cooler than whatever post-modern fotm is going on now in modern "storytelling"
<2022-02-10T18:51:17.000Z> JSDorn: Yeah. The real deal. I mean there no way Beowulf would have survived if it wasn't so freaking awesome.
<2022-02-10T18:52:14.000Z> Umlauts: WE WILL HAVE OUR HEOROT ONE DAY JOHN
<2022-02-10T18:52:15.000Z> Umlauts: ONE DAY
<2022-02-10T19:03:09.000Z> JSDorn: WE WILL BUILD IT FIRST IN OUR STORIES
<2022-02-10T19:03:39.000Z> Umlauts: THEN WE WILL BUILD IT WITH OUR HANDS
<2022-02-16T17:09:31.000Z> Umlauts: How is your story going brother
<2022-02-17T01:39:17.000Z> JSDorn: Going good. Over 8k words now. Almost done. Planning to have it done this weekend. Thanks for your support
<2022-02-17T06:56:00.000Z> Umlauts: No problem brother. Tell me if you need any proof reading
<2022-02-17T13:41:18.000Z> JSDorn: I will take you up on that very soon
<2022-02-17T14:08:54.000Z> Umlauts: Looking forward to it
<2022-02-21T19:56:07.000Z> JSDorn: first look my friend https://i.poastcdn.org/4c701c6993cc09500f7f475287c2b2981d14018ebe1fe84a053a3b1c3b717234.odt
<2022-02-21T19:56:22.000Z> Umlauts: Based
<2022-02-21T19:57:56.000Z> Umlauts: And on /mechamonday/ no less
<2022-02-21T19:58:04.000Z> JSDorn: Its almost 1400 words. A real chonker
<2022-02-21T19:58:15.000Z> JSDorn: yes
<2022-02-21T19:58:24.000Z> JSDorn: and we slay dragons with them
<2022-02-21T19:58:34.000Z> JSDorn: not even Amuro Ray managed that
<2022-02-21T19:59:23.000Z> Umlauts: Or Char
<2022-02-21T19:59:35.000Z> Umlauts: All they did was disappear in a space autism cloud
<2022-02-21T20:03:51.000Z> Umlauts: I see you've taken that idea Nugger poasted about ages ago in a sci-fi thread
<2022-02-21T20:03:53.000Z> Umlauts: Very cool
<2022-02-21T20:04:06.000Z> Umlauts: Lancers that is
<2022-02-21T20:15:46.000Z> JSDorn: I did?
<2022-02-21T20:16:09.000Z> JSDorn: I don't believe I saw that. But I'm not surprised someone came up with something like that
<2022-02-21T20:17:53.000Z> Umlauts: poa.st/notice/ACQoFUrnb5tfW3MKYq
<2022-02-21T20:29:09.000Z> Umlauts: About half-way through chapter 2
<2022-02-21T20:29:16.000Z> Umlauts: I really like the way you handle the Lancer
<2022-02-21T20:29:27.000Z> Umlauts: Half-way between fighter jet, motorcycle and horse.
<2022-02-21T20:43:34.000Z> JSDorn: yep
<2022-02-21T20:43:36.000Z> JSDorn: exactly
<2022-02-21T20:44:15.000Z> Umlauts: >"Blessed be the Lord my strength, Which teacheth my fingers to fight and my hands to war." Based
<2022-02-21T20:48:36.000Z> JSDorn: Oh yeah
<2022-02-21T20:52:16.000Z> Umlauts: >"Well, truth be told, the Lancer isn't really meant to be used as a stand-alone weapons." He reached down to it with the Lorica's free hand and took hold of it. The seat and thrusters of the Lancer folded in, revealing a convenient handhold for the Lorica to grasp. basedBasedBASED
<2022-02-21T20:52:29.000Z> Umlauts: I had intended to suggest exactly this if you hadn't already included it
<2022-02-21T20:53:31.000Z> Umlauts: Like so https://i.poastcdn.org/2cc3507d84e8623528c1d2c166c5c4d8d85aa70f7e850f3a30c759ce0411a6de.jpg
<2022-02-21T20:54:35.000Z> JSDorn: Yes
<2022-02-21T20:54:42.000Z> JSDorn: Exactly like that
<2022-02-21T20:57:11.000Z> Umlauts: Funnily enough I imagined lance usage for space Templars more or less like that. Basically an additional over-sized thruster with a spike attached to it.
<2022-02-21T20:59:12.000Z> JSDorn: I think there's a lot of crossover potential already between katafrakti and Lorica. The more the better infact
<2022-02-21T21:00:20.000Z> Umlauts: So far the only real difference between them that I can tell is size, control method and doctrinal use. 
<2022-02-21T21:00:45.000Z> Umlauts: I got the impression Lorica are basically Mobile Suits.
<2022-02-21T21:01:13.000Z> Umlauts: And the differences between Lorica and Katafrakti are basically where I intentionally differed from Mobile Suits.
<2022-02-21T21:01:31.000Z> Umlauts: Also Deku and Ilia are great foils to Jor.
<2022-02-21T21:12:20.000Z> Umlauts: So I've finished the story now. I'm gonna chew on it some more bu basic impression so far:
<2022-02-21T21:14:20.000Z> Umlauts: I would polish your actions scenes some more and use them to highlight Jors transformation from melancholy to dragon slayer. Stronger connection between inner change and deeds reflecting it.
<2022-02-21T21:15:48.000Z> Umlauts: I quite like the introductory sequence. Strongest sense of motion and action out of the action scenes you've written imo.
<2022-02-21T21:16:26.000Z> Umlauts: I'd also give the Corsair leaders dialogue more bite. He comes off as kind of meek in what little he says rather than a hardened space pirate.
<2022-02-21T21:18:16.000Z> Umlauts: Maybe some more suggestions to show his addict like reliance to the nanobots? I like what you're trying to do with it but I need to chew on it more if it needs more narrative focus or not.
<2022-02-21T21:21:26.000Z> Umlauts: I also like Jors dark night of the soul in the Xiolus wreck. 
<2022-02-21T21:23:00.000Z> Umlauts: Maybe also consider changing the tone of Jors speech. He sounds a little bit too modern to my reading, rather than a space knight. Partiuclarly in contrast to Dekur and Ilia whose very archaic way of speaking highlights them as characters and their foreignness quite well.
<2022-02-21T21:24:29.000Z> Umlauts: That said I very much like it and just the name "Jor the Wanderer" and the fact that he's introduced sleeping rough on an asteroid makes me want to read more about his previous adventures.
<2022-02-21T21:29:38.000Z> JSDorn: Thank you friend. This is very good feedback. 
<2022-02-21T21:30:34.000Z> Umlauts: You're welcome brother.
<2022-02-21T21:31:27.000Z> Umlauts: Maybe crib off Lovecraft and give the Star Serpent some elder god vibes? I got the feeling you were going for something like that.
<2022-02-21T22:47:37.000Z> JSDorn: Good idea
<2022-02-22T16:04:57.000Z> Umlauts: Having chewed on your story some more. If you've got the time to write it, try playing on Jor's epithet "the Wanderer" when he's having his Jonah moment.
<2022-02-22T16:05:10.000Z> Umlauts: Make it part of his soul searching some way.
<2022-02-22T17:48:06.000Z> JSDorn: Hmmm. Deep. That's a good idea
<2022-02-22T22:30:15.000Z> Umlauts: I suppose it is. I just thought it's a waste to not narratively use a cool epithet like that in a story that is about a characters internal change.
<2022-02-23T01:24:14.000Z> JSDorn: Yeah
<2022-02-23T09:54:43.000Z> Umlauts: Also probably gonna steal that magnetic bubble Jor used to sleep on the asteroid. That was just really cool imo
<2022-02-23T09:56:15.000Z> Umlauts: And probably some variant of Lancers because the idea appeals to my wargaming autism
<2022-02-23T13:07:33.000Z> JSDorn: You are very welcome too
<2022-02-23T15:14:02.000Z> Umlauts: Cool. I got the idea to introduce something like them as part of the panoplies of space scythians and whatever Agarthan remnant still exists. But that's esoteric world building autism.
<2022-02-23T16:32:56.000Z> JSDorn: I'm going to expand a bit on the pirate figure and make him a proper nemesis. Jor seeks to kill him and avenge his lord's death. Dux Basils death is now attributed to that pirate leader. Jor must choose between saving the princess and finally ending the pirate leader. Don't have it all done yet but that's the plan, hopefully the next few days will be productive
<2022-02-23T16:33:43.000Z> Umlauts: That's a classic (and therefore good) dilemma, between love and revenge.
<2022-02-23T16:33:59.000Z> Umlauts: A good idea imo.
<2022-02-23T16:36:10.000Z> JSDorn: Yes, and I think it better fits what I wanted to originally capture
<2022-02-23T16:36:49.000Z> JSDorn: Going to redo the fight at the volcano accordingly and make it more meaningful. Maybe also add an epilogue if I have time/energy.
<2022-02-23T16:39:39.000Z> Umlauts: Epilogue might work if you have the time, though the ending as is works well as a happy ending.
<2022-02-23T16:39:51.000Z> Umlauts: Leaves the rest up to the reader which isn't a bad thing.
<2022-02-23T17:27:58.000Z> JSDorn: Yeah, less is more, more often than not
<2022-02-23T17:36:29.000Z> Umlauts: Very much so when it comes to writing.
<2022-02-23T17:55:42.000Z> JSDorn: Yes. This will be the most complex piece of writing I've finished. A marathon more than a sprint too. I did By the Light of Day in one intense week. I've taken a month and a half to write this story, and my revisions/editing are much more substantial.
<2022-02-23T17:56:39.000Z> Umlauts: Longer than Light of Day too isn't it?
<2022-02-23T18:41:01.000Z> JSDorn: Yes, not by very much though after my planned edits I might be close to the 17500 word ceiling
<2022-02-23T18:59:30.000Z> Umlauts: Can't say I noticed the length much in regards to reading flow. 
<2022-02-23T19:36:42.000Z> JSDorn: That's good. A good story should never feel long.
<2022-02-23T19:52:12.000Z> Umlauts: Door stop fantasy authors BTFO
<2022-02-23T20:28:04.000Z> JSDorn: Pretty much. Im already chopping a lot out. I have a penchant for repetitive dialogue. 
<2022-02-23T20:29:17.000Z> Umlauts: Not bad to prune or rephrase, but I didn't really think of it when reading.
<2022-02-24T00:16:38.000Z> JSDorn: That's good. It's my own bugaboo
<2022-02-24T07:04:42.000Z> Umlauts: Always our own harshest critics. I still get 'tisms over stuff in Princess of Agartha
<2022-02-26T03:02:32.000Z> JSDorn: Well I did a very thorough edit, almost a rewrite for some parts. I think you will really like the finished version
<2022-02-26T09:35:16.000Z> Umlauts: Can't wait to read it brother
<2022-02-28T12:39:39.000Z> Umlauts: So hpw goes the writing on the final day?
<2022-02-28T13:55:56.000Z> JSDorn: I'm all done and have it in for Myles to review 
<2022-02-28T13:59:17.000Z> JSDorn attached file https://i.poastcdn.org/7a3231c40a466993733f9202b365a2222b972a541b1f6f5a58ff14c2dfcca143.docx
<2022-02-28T13:59:28.000Z> JSDorn: Here's the final cut if your interested.
<2022-02-28T14:03:30.000Z> Umlauts: Based, I'll read it this afternoon
<2022-02-28T14:33:06.000Z> Umlauts: Just about to start chapter 3. Definite improvement. Especially on Jor's dialogue and characterisation.
<2022-02-28T15:21:31.000Z> JSDorn: I really tried to take all your feedback to heart. Saw a lot of the same issues during my read-through. 
<2022-02-28T15:54:43.000Z> Umlauts: As far as I can tlel you have fixed it
<2022-02-28T15:54:48.000Z> Umlauts: Great job man
<2022-02-28T15:55:16.000Z> Umlauts: Also not having an epilogue works better too having reread it
<2022-02-28T16:31:06.000Z> JSDorn: Thanks bro. No matter what happens I think we should continue to collaborate on this setting, see where we can take it.
<2022-02-28T16:37:41.000Z> Umlauts: Agreed. I have three more stories thought up I just haven't started on yetr
<2022-02-28T16:40:31.000Z> JSDorn: Nice.
<2022-02-28T16:51:47.000Z> Umlauts: THink I've mentioned them before. The Kraken-eater: About how Adalwolf gained his moniker and another monster v mecha story.Shadows & Dust: Katafrakt gladiators in Space Rome (Mars). About the dilemma of two men forced to fight one another.Last Ride of the Hyperboreans: Hyperborean mammoth riders ride to their doom fighting Katafrakts in service of space Athens. Siegfrid makes an appearance.
<2022-02-28T17:51:57.000Z> JSDorn: Fucking based
<2022-02-28T17:52:15.000Z> JSDorn: You gotta do those, holy shit.
<2022-02-28T18:32:43.000Z> Umlauts: Fully intend to, just been in a rut writing wise
<2022-02-28T19:31:11.000Z> Umlauts: LMFAO
<2022-02-28T19:31:25.000Z> Umlauts: I got the greatest and dumbest fucking idea listening to some music for inspiration
<2022-02-28T19:32:35.000Z> Umlauts: Hyperborean Warlord from the Jovian moon Europa, 410th year after the Deluge, holograph still, natural colour https://i.poastcdn.org/2e1d740db74c4259b022a1560e5d48ee9fd926153f9614586e5796306fb7fa10.jpg
<2022-02-28T19:32:57.000Z> Umlauts: >Hyperboreans are a bunch of black metal retards riding mammoths
<2022-02-28T19:34:09.000Z> JSDorn: LOL
<2022-02-28T19:38:29.000Z> Umlauts: THIS IS GONNA BE FANTASTIC, A SHITPOST HIDDEN IN PLAIN SIGHT
<2022-02-28T19:52:35.000Z> JSDorn: Something space can get just downright silly
<2022-02-28T19:54:56.000Z> Umlauts: The told me about how dangerous outer space is, but they didn't tell me how outright goofy it is.
<2022-02-28T20:11:22.000Z> Umlauts: "The winds howled across the endless ice fields of Evropa, the moon of Jovia. It whipped up the near perpetual snow drifts of the moon’s surface into fierce storms until a man could barely see his hand held before his face. But the men who rode through the storm out of the ice pines where not ordinary men. These where Hyperboreans, bred in the icy cold, born in the saddle of the mammoth and they were on the warpath. Clad in their dark mammoth hide armors, their faces painted with ferocious black & white warpaint and their hair dyed black with coal they cast an image of dread as they sat astride their mammoths, riding single file. "
<2022-02-28T20:11:27.000Z> Umlauts: I like where this is going
<2022-02-28T20:12:54.000Z> JSDorn: Me too. Very kino
<2022-02-28T20:15:53.000Z> Umlauts: Presentation can take something that is inherently funny and make it just incredibly cool.
<2022-02-28T20:16:10.000Z> Umlauts: Now I hope I can make it a tragedy that actual hits it's mark lmao
<2022-02-28T21:04:15.000Z> JSDorn: That's the real trick
<2022-02-28T21:21:14.000Z> Umlauts: The plan is to elaborate on how it's this tribes last ride, that they've been displaced by space Athenian imperialism and how they die bravely in the face of a superior force, which then recognizes and honors their bravery through shared barbarism
<2022-02-28T23:28:37.000Z> JSDorn: Epic
<2022-02-28T23:30:55.000Z> JSDorn: We will not go quietly into that good night, but will go with a song on our lips, cheer in our hearts, black and white paint on our face and the honor of a good death before us.
<2022-03-01T07:02:50.000Z> Umlauts: Yeah, very much so. In a way ir's got a similar theme in that the protagonist and antagonist of this story at another time could"ve been comrades. Which is the central theme of Shadows and Dust.
<2022-03-01T12:04:53.000Z> JSDorn: Very good point.
<2022-03-01T12:29:34.000Z> Umlauts: >why yes, ancient literature speaking with admiration of their foes is a big influence, how could you tell?
<2022-03-01T12:29:57.000Z> Umlauts: >gigachad.jpg
<2022-03-01T12:36:24.000Z> JSDorn: We should never forget how Achilles gives back the body of Hector to Priam. It's as relevant today as it was 3000 years ago
<2022-03-01T13:15:16.000Z> Umlauts: That scene punches me in the gut every time.
<2022-03-01T13:16:19.000Z> Umlauts: "I have done what no one has done before me. I have kissed the hands that killed my son."
<2022-03-01T16:13:55.000Z> JSDorn: Goddamn fucking heartbreaking.
<2022-03-01T16:14:43.000Z> JSDorn: That's infinitely more powerful than all the gay shows out out by Netflix in the year 2022
<2022-03-01T16:16:49.000Z> Umlauts: I hate it so much. You can't even escape that gay retard shit today.
<2022-03-01T16:25:02.000Z> JSDorn: Nope. It's everywhere. That's why we must forge our own stories and mythos. Nobody is gonna do it for us
<2022-03-01T16:33:03.000Z> Umlauts: That's the easier challenge tbh. The investment in modern pop culture goes deep.
<2022-03-01T17:24:44.000Z> JSDorn: Yes. We can do better
<2022-03-01T18:52:20.000Z> Umlauts: Speaking of, what was your thoughts around "mythecerium" as a material? I want to include a lance made out of it for the Hyperborean protagonist of my current story as a nod to your story
<2022-03-01T19:38:54.000Z> JSDorn: It's a product of my attempts to articulate a low magic system within a sci Fi setting. Mytherium is like programmable matter. "Teleological" programming is just enchantment basically. So it can be enchanted in really any way the story requires, but it's always rare. You could have the top of a lance, an arrow head or maybe a very expensive sword made out of it, but you would not have an entire katafrakti or lorica built out of it.
<2022-03-01T19:45:25.000Z> Umlauts: Ah, alright. I personally would've just made it straight up magical without any solid explanation. But I generally loathe "magical systems" as they're written in fantasy as autistic demystification.
<2022-03-01T19:45:53.000Z> Umlauts: But I get it, it's your way of having a mithril or similar metal but clothed in technobabble.
<2022-03-01T19:47:44.000Z> JSDorn: Yes. It's my way of keeping it "sci Fi" instead of just fantasy in space. But just barely. The chanting that Dekur uses is just COBOL code with a little tweaking. 
<2022-03-01T19:49:36.000Z> Umlauts: Yeah I quite liked how he's just shouting code lines at machines to make them shut down. 
<2022-03-01T19:50:41.000Z> Umlauts: And tbh, the sci-fi/fantasy distinction is just arbitrary materialist autism imo. If you think magic is real and the supernatural is real and part of the real world then there's nothing wrong in writing about it in sci-fi.
<2022-03-02T03:09:37.000Z> JSDorn: It's more of an aesthetic thing. The magic is still literally magic.
<2022-03-02T06:38:27.000Z> Umlauts: Matter of taste too I suppose. 